Birds of Flames
by ME4427
Summary: Carmen Mellark is the daughter of Katniss and Peeta and although she is a strong girl just like her mother, an unfortunate event changes everything for her. It has the past, present and a blossoming friendship between her and the Odair son...(terrible at summaries but the story is good! I promise! Also PLEASE REVIEW) Rated T until further notice.
1. Run

_A/N Ok this is my first Hunger Games Fanfict so please be nice and REVIEW. This is the first chapter. It's from the point of view of Katniss and Peeta's daughter. Just to let you know the other chapters won't follow this format I just thought it'd be good for the first chapter 'cos it's quite fast paced and dramatic and stuffs. So yeah...ENJOY_

_ME4427_

**_Ok I know this chapter is turning a lot of people off so feel free to skip to chapter 2 because honestly it doesn't really matter; you'll still get all the story I promise. It re-explains everything there so yeah go ahead! JUST SKIP! Sorry if that sounded a bit agressive it wasn't intentional..._**

**_ME4427_**

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_Chapter 1: Run_

I hear it.

I hear it coming.

I hear it approaching.

I hear it slow down.

I hear it destroy the sky.

I hear it readying its weapons.

I hear it looking.

I hear it find me.

I hear it soar over me.

I hear the deadly silence of fear.

I hear its roar of vengeance.

I hear people scream.

I hear _them_ scream.

I hear the fear.

I hear them running.

I hear that it's no good.

I hear how close it is.

I hear them look for me.

I hear him.

I hear his fear.

I feel his fear.

I look up and freeze.

I look up at it.

I look up with fear.

I look down again.

I look away from it.

I look across the square

I look for him.

I look and see him.

I look at him scared.

I look at him frozen.

I look at him looking for me.

I look at his eyes and they scream.

I look at his mouth and it is screaming.

I look at his words and he's screaming my name.

I look at his expression.

I look at it like it's the last time.

I look away.

I look up and watch it.

I look up and see my doom.

I look up and see my ultimate end.

I turn behind me

I turn to look.

I turn and look for it.

I turn and look for an escape.

I turn back.

I look down and my feet are still.

I look down and they're frozen.

I look down and wonder if I'll ever be able to run.

I wonder if I'll make it away.

I wonder if he will to.

I wonder if he already has.

I wonder if he can run fast enough.

I wonder if _I_ can run fast enough.

I wonder how long it'll take me.

I wonder how much time I've wasted already.

I wonder if I'll see him again.

I wonder what'll be the last thing I ever see.

I wonder what I want to be that thing.

I look around to all the people who'll probably die too.

I look at their faces.

I look around for a cover.

I look for a survival.

But there is none.

I am dead.

I see it.

I see what I've been searching for.

I see an escape.

I see _my _escape.

I see the forest.

I see _my _forest.

I know my eyes have locked on the entrance.

I know I won't make it.

I know I don't want to die without a fight.

I know that's not the way my parents would die.

My parents.

I know they're safe.

I know that I'm happy for this.

I know my feet are now moving.

I know I'm running with everything I have.

I know I've never run this fast.

I know I've never tried so hard.

I know that I have a chance.

I know it's a small chance but it's still a chance.

I know my legs are aching.

I know they're going fast, very fast.

Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot.

Quicker, quicker, quicker, quicker.

I know I'm close now.

I know it's not far.

Closer, closer, closer, closer.

I know I can make it.

I stop.

I know I can save myself.

I know that everyone else will die.

I know this isn't what they would do.

I know this is what they want me to do.

I run faster now.

I run faster to them.

I run back to them.

I run and run and run.

I run further.

I run faster.

I run further still.

I run faster still.

It's faster and faster.

It's closer and closer.

It's coming.

It's going to kill me.

But it won't kill them.

I almost make it.

But I don't.

I almost get there.

But I don't.

I almost make it to them.

But I don't.

I almost save them.

But I don't.

I almost do it.

But I don't.

I almost get that far.

But I don't.

I almost die.

But I don't.

I fall.

I fall fast.

I fall hard.

I fall on my back.

I fall with my eyes shut.

I fall and think it's the end.

I fall with my hopes.

I fall with my life.

I fall with him.

I fall with him on top of my chest.

He screams and the world burns around us.

* * *

_Hope you like it. It didn't actually take me long to write it, only about 20mins (including editting) so yeah...I hope you like...and PLEASE REVIEW!_

_ME4427_


	2. Memories

_A/N Ok thank you soooo much everyone who reviewed, followed and/or favourited my story! Here's the next chapter which is again from the point of view of Katniss & Peeta's daughter. Later I might do something from other people's point of view...I don't know yet. I hope you liked the last chapter and like this one too._

_**(Slight alterations have been made to this chapter to improve it. **__**So thank you very much.)**_

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_2. Memories_

My eyes flickered open slowly only to be burned by the light of the room. It caused me to shut them a few times so that they could adjust to the setting slowly. When I looked around I found myself lying in a very white bed in a very white room. It was all a bit surreal. My body appeared to be attached to various machines via different tubes but I had no further desire to see what they were for. I looked at my limp body and realised that I had a lot of bandages on me. I clearly had injuries to my head, legs, back and lots of other places too but they were the main ones. I could feel the numbness of my body and knew immediately that morphing was flowing through it. Then I remembered.

"FINN!"

I scream at the top of my lungs for him.

"FINN!"

I need to know he's ok. I need to.

"FINN!"

But I receive no response from anyone. I yank the tubes from my skin not caring for the repercussions. I felt concern only for his safety. I pull myself from the bed but tumble to the floor with agonising pain jolting through me. It's hard but I'm almost to my feet again.

"Carmen! What are you doing?"

I glance up from my heap on the floor to see the worried expression of my grandmother. I realise that she must be the one tending to my wounds. She rushes over and does her best at getting me back into the bed.

"Carmen sweetie, you need to rest."

Fighting against her hands the best I can, I notice I'm actually shaking with shock from everything. Telling her 'I'm fine,' and 'honestly I can go now' wouldn't work on her when I'm in this state. So I instead just whisper my only reason,

"Finn…"

She gives me a very worried look but I know she can see my desperation. Just as I think I've won her over she simply tucks me in and shakes her head.

"He'll be fine. Rest."

Tears – which believe me I don't usually have – fill my blue eyes at her answer; they're happy that he's well but at the same time sad because I can't see him. She strokes my hair just like she did when I was a child and tells me to close my eyes and to sleep. We both know I will because this is the only thing that will ever sooth me. I hear her leave me and mumble something which is when I know my eyes are shut because I didn't see her do it.

I remember what happened so clearly that it hurts me. I remember the ship, I remember the fear, I remember running and I remember his face when the world burned. His pain. I can see me carrying him and screaming and I can see the world go black. That was truly the worst moment of my life. But I know if I want happy dreams I have to think happily just like my mum always told me. So that's what I did. I thought of all the other days. I thought of the times when we sang and laughed and ran and danced. I thought of his smile just as I fell asleep.

* * *

_I was seven and you were nine. We were racing through the trees and were laughing the whole time even though it made us more tired but we didn't care! I wore a pure white dress just covering my filthy knees from my several adventures and my hair was put back in a braid straight down my back. I looked just like my mother from behind. Finn was ahead of me leaping over the branches with such ease I envied his grace. He was in faded grey jeans and a simple white shirt much filthier than mine. He turned to check I was still there and when he saw me struggling his grin widened and he made his way back to me. Before I knew it, I was on his back with my arms clinging to his neck as we darted through the trees. We got to the lake and stopped. The moon shone on the lake like a spotlight so it was more like a movie than life. I dropped my bow and backpack motioning for Finn to do the same. He dropped his bag and it landed in the mud so I laughed while he chased me._

"_I'll beat you up you know!"_

"_Got to catch me first Finny!"_

"_I could Carmen! If I wanted to beat you up, I could…" He never did._

_When he finally caught me he just wrapped his big-boy arms around my waist and tackled me to the ground. He let go and we lay on our backs trying to catch our breath again but we continued to laugh just as hard. We stayed like that for ages just talking about everything we could think of from what bread was our favourite…_

"_I like the one in district four 'cos it's got seaweed in it. That's really nice; you'd like it."_

"_Seaweed? Yuck! No I like my daddy's bread. That's the bestest in the world!"_

…_to what the rest of the world outside of Panem looked like…_

"_I bet it's all just long beautiful meadows and vast oceans where you can sing and play all day. I'd like that."_

"_Me too. But I think it's all like the Capitol, big city lights and big scary business men…"_

_Suddenly at the climax of our conversation he leapt forwards into the icy water. He didn't surface after a few minutes and I started to panic._

"_Finn?"_

_I looked around for help and then he popped his head up laughing. I glared playfully at him which made him laugh harder so eventually I gave in and laughed too._

"_My family's from Four. I wasn't gonna die! Jeez!"_

_He splashed me until I was drenched myself. It was freezing! I started shivering and so did Finn so he reached his hand towards me so I could pull him out. When I went to his aid, he pulled so I fell in too. This really did make me panic because my mum still hadn't taught me to swim yet so as my head plunged I was sure I'd drown. Just when I thought that was it, I saw Finn grip my waist and haul me upwards until I reached the air. I gulped it down selfishly while he helped me out. We sat down side-by-side on the freshly grown grass._

_It was so late; we sat soaked from our earlier adventure and were looking at the stars._

"_They're beautiful." I whispered in his ear._

"_Not as beautiful as you." I hit him for that. I knew it was a lie._

_It was a cold night so we sat huddled in a picnic blanket still covered in crumbs from our sandwiches at lunch time. I tucked myself up in a ball and we sang for hours on end. He was terrible so we both laughed about it, even the birds didn't listen!_

"_We're going to have to leave! Your mom will shoot me with an arrow if I don't get you home."_

"_Nah she loves you too much Finn!" _

"_As much as you do?"_

_I giggled and he pushed me over laughing too. But then I realised how late it was and just how dark it was. I wasn't afraid of the dark, in fact I liked it but not when I was in the forest and would have to find my way back. The lake was somewhere I came to often with my parents but never this late. Finn noticed how scared I was because he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him. So I just shut my eyes, put my head on his shoulder and knew that he'd keep me safe. Finn and I were always helping each other; it was kind of our thing. _

_I opened my eyes and looked up into his big green ones. They shone in the moonlight like the stars in the sky so I gave him my biggest smile and he returned it. We didn't need to say anything because there was never an awkward silence between us, just comfortable silence. He looked away first which made me giggle but he just pulled me into him again. We stayed like that for a long time just watching the stars and the trees sway in the breeze._

_Just when I expected my dad to come find us a wolf leapt forwards and lunged for Finn. I screamed and then it knocked me to the ground. I screamed again and saw Finn crying with burns all over his skin but he wasn't nine anymore he was sixteen and screaming my name. I cried too and looked into the beast's eyes; they were just like Finn's, as green as summer leaves and the fields grass. I couldn't stop staring as it cried my name too. Then it burst into flames with the whole forest._

_I ran through the trees as they burned around me and I screamed more whilst dodging the burning branches. I'm nearly at the end and then my vision is blocked with smoke and ashes and fire. Then I'm engulfed in flames and shouting. I hear Finn and the wolf howling my name and burning too. My legs are turning to ruins and it hurts so much I want to die and then it all goes black like the ash._

* * *

I awake with a start and find tears streaming from my face. One of my happiest memories is now burnt and twisted with my most painful and most frightening. Sometimes my mind is just that cruel. I'm sweating now and shaking with fear. It makes me realise I really don't want to be alone right now. Before I even know what I'm doing I find myself on my feet beside the bed. I grab a silky dressing gown from the end of the bed and sling it over my shoulders. I'm careful to be as quiet as I can so use everything I'd ever been taught for hunting. It was made especially hard from my injured leg but at least I was moving even if it wasn't very fast. There weren't many doctors or nurses whom I had to avoid the gaze of which was definitely a good sign! Finn, where the hell are you? I looked at the signs on the wall; one pointing left said 'Emergency Care Unit' so I presumed this one was right. I peeked in each door looking for him but I couldn't see him anywhere until I got to the last room. It was unlike any of the others as it didn't have a bed but more like a desk or a table. This is where he lay.

Clearly lying on a bed was too uncomfortable because the main injuries were actually to his back from what I could see. It was all bandaged up but the bandages were no longer white but a sickly red colour that left me nauseated. I felt tears well up in my eyes just looking at him and seeing how much pain he was in. Even the damage to him in my dream didn't compare to the real him. Somehow his hair had survived with just singed edges but pretty much everything else facing upwards was badly burned. My injuries also did not compare. Would that have been me if he'd not protected me? Would I have even survived because it would have hit me face-on? Finn really did save my life. At first I was frozen, I just watched him with tears streaming my face and then unconsciously I felt my legs move over to him. I itched to touch him and help him but I knew it's only bring him more pain and I couldn't do that to him. Instead I walked around and crouched in front of his beautiful barely-harmed face. It has one deep gash on it from where he hit the pavement but apart from that it's exactly like I remember it. I wonder if his eyes shine just as bright. I bet nothing could take that away, not even a bomb. I reach up and brush the back of my fingers across his pink cheek which is just as soft as ever.

Then his eyes flick open and they meet mine.

* * *

_A/N Thank you for reading this! It means the world to me but PLEASE REVIEW! I will thank you if you do...so you should...PLEASE! You'll make my day! :D_


	3. Complete

_A/N Hi everyone! Ok so sorry I've not updated sooner I've just been pretty busy! In case you haven't realised, I've also editted a few things in my last chapter (thanks to ) so you may also want to check that out but there's nothing too major. Anyways here's chapter 3 (still in Carmen's POV) so I really hope you like it and as always **PLEASE review, favourite and follow****!**_

_Thank you to all those who already have..._

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3. Complete

"Finn…" I breathed slowly never taking my eyes off him. He never replied in words but his eyes screamed my name all over. I couldn't fight my urges to touch him any longer so I let my fingers gently caress his cheek. He closed his eyes as if relishing the feel of comfort that I provided and when he opened them again I noticed that they still shined, like pretty stars, just like always. I gave him the faintest of smiles, full of sadness and hope. He gave me the same one. My fingers continued to brush his rough skin but this time his eyes didn't leave mine once. Our foreheads pressed softly to each other's and I couldn't feel any pain despite the gash marking my face. I could feel his light warm breath tingling my skin and we stayed like that for what must have been ages.

The deafening silence echoed around us but we just let it linger. We were not uncomfortable; we were complete. My hand was still now but it clung to his cheek as if it were a lifeline. This didn't bother him in the slightest as he reached his left hand out and cupped my face back. His bony fingers were so rough and damaged that it actually alarmed me but they stroked my cheek ever so carefully. It sent shivers up my spine and I wasn't entirely sure if it was their ice-cold feel or not. I could tell it strained him to do this action, because of his occasional wince of pain, so in the end I removed his hand from my face – to which he did not seem to like - and held it instead. I traced each and every vein with my thumb whilst trying to avoid the bloody, scarred areas. This seemed to relax him enough to close his eyelids leaving him seemingly peaceful. His fingers then intertwined in mine and he gripped me so firmly I almost forgot everything that'd happened.

Once I thought Finn had drifted to sleep I loosened my grip on his hand leaving it limp. I wished I could fully examine his condition but the light was so dim I knew this would be too difficult. I decided to wait until morning but unfortunately I had no idea what time it was due to the lack of windows in the room. From what I could see of him, he was badly injured, much worse so than I. This made my heart stammer painfully and pump concentrated guilt all around my body. Tears welled up in my eyes at the very sight of him so vulnerable unlike the rock-of-a-boy I used to know. I stayed crouched on the stone floor just watching him sleep and crying freely at the thought of losing him.

Even when I heard a doctor or someone down the hallway I remained where I was without hesitation for I could not leave him now; he'd protected me so now I would do the exact same thing. Whoever it was never bothered to disturb me for which I was grateful for. I began to feel slightly tired after a while so curled up next to where he lay, trying to get as close to him as possible. My eyelids flickered a few times and they started to feel really heavy so in the end I lifted Finn's hand and closed my eyes for a few minutes rest.

* * *

"_Come here Carmen." _

_He looked down at me as if it was the simplest thing in the world but we both knew it wouldn't be. I just stared down at my feet and played with the sand in-between my toes._

"_You're not nervous are you Mellark?"_

_That got me to look at him. He knew how much I hated his teasing and recently that's all he seemed to do. His smile was playful but his eyes were much too serious for my Finny. So, to stop his endless taunts, I grabbed his outstretched hand and I let him drag me towards my nemesis, the sea. I nearly screamed when he started running and almost pulled me over face-first into the sand. He stopped right before the sea and turned to me to see if I really was scared._

"_Mellarks are never scared!" And with that he dragged me in._

_The water wasn't like the ice-cold stuff I was used to back in twelve. That was the only experience, besides baths, I'd really had in water so this was absolutely daunting. Finn obviously knew what he was doing but I still felt so nervous. Each splash was a warm wetness I didn't really expect and I began to relax a little. Finn was already bobbing under every second he got but he kept a tight grip on my hand anyway. He was probably a better swimmer than the fish; in fact he pretty much was a fish. Fishy Finn, Finn the fish, Finny fish. I actually started smiling and laughing whilst he splashed me and suddenly his face was right in front of mine. I couldn't help but notice how big he'd gotten since I last saw him. Firstly, he could now look down on me which was definitely new, his hair was longer almost shaggy, and his whole personality had gotten even cheekier which I didn't think was possible. But he was still _my_ Finn. He was still my fishy Finn._

"_Are you going to let me teach you now Carmen?"_

"_I guess…"_

_He gave me his biggest smile, _my_ smile, and pulled me into him. His serious face was now there which meant only one thing…it was time to learn._

"_Ok Carmen lift your legs up," I gave him a worried glance now. How can I stand with no legs on the ground? "Come on I got you, there you go." I did as I was told with little question for the rest of his lesson. He was definitely a good teacher so I was very glad I chose to ask him for this favour rather than my mother. My mom learnt to swim, despite being from district twelve, from her father at the lake in the forest so she could easily teach me and I'm sure she would have been an excellent teacher. However, I chose to get Finn to teach me because my mum became easily frustrated and didn't really like to think about things, which involved her dad, too much whereas Finn was kind and loved water. As I mentioned he's pretty much a fish. He was very gentle the whole time and patient despite my terrible efforts._

_After many failed attempts at swimming we ended up just splashing each other and laughing our goofy heads off the whole time. I liked that part of my lesson best. I realised after a while how shallow the water we were in was and that Finn was probably edging to go deeper. I decided, since Finn had been so good to me, I'd let him go ahead for a bit. Just as I was heading out the water I felt a gentle, but firm, tug on my wrist which immediately swung me around as I didn't like physical contact. It was just Finn though._

"_Where you going?" He asked looking slightly hurt by my attempted disappearance._

_I jokingly poked him in the ribs and said, "I thought I'd give you some freedom fish-boy instead of holding you back."_

"_Fish-boy?"_

"_Yeah…" I replied sheepishly. This just made him laugh._

"_Well honestly I'm fine, done enough swimming for today I think."_

_He wrapped his long arms around me and took me to the shore with him. I was relieved when I noticed he brought towels as I really didn't want to have to walk back to the houses this wet. I was about to pick one up when Finn snook up behind me and wrapped me in a towel and a hug at the same time. Finn was surprisingly warm so we just stayed like that for a bit watching the sun go down. I'd always loved sunset ever since my dad showed me my first one when I was only five. We'd painted the beautiful scene with the vivid orangey colours and later painted my bedroom the exact same shade. That was always a good memory._

"_Nice huh?" Finn spoke my exact thoughts. We did that a lot so I just smiled in agreement. Finn and I sat there on the sand observing the waves lap over one and another and I just longed for my paint brush to capture the scene forever. We watched and watched…_

* * *

When my eyes opened I realised my dream had been much happier than my previous one as this one was just my memory without the fire. I winced at the thought of such a thing. It was nice to dream well. Then I remembered that I'd only chosen to nap for a few minutes not all night but the light of the hospital was a very clear indication that it was now morning. I expected to find myself in my hospital bed but then recalled searching for Finn. However, there was still one thing I didn't quite understand; I thought I fell asleep on the floor but as I looked around I clearly wasn't on the floor. That's when it clicked. I was exactly where Finn _had_ been. Where was he? Panic flooded through me but was quickly extinguished when I found a familiar arm wrapped around my waist. I carefully rolled over to find Finn asleep beside me, holding me tightly to him. Now that there's light I can see exactly how bad he looks and I really wish I couldn't. Unconsciously I start to run my fingers over his damaged skin avoiding the worst burns. His chest isn't too badly hurt as this was the part facing me but the backs of his arms, legs and neck are blood red and badly singed. In that moment I just want to pull him to me and cry my little eyes out but I decide not to. I start to try to turn him over to inspect him further. I stop as soon as I hear the footsteps and someone clear their throat to get my attention. It's at that moment I realised I'm not in my room like I should be and instead wrapped up in Finn's arms…

* * *

_Ok this took me longer to write than normal so I really hope you do like it!_

_ME4427_

_:D_


	4. Visit

_A/N Hello my faithful readers! Here's the next chapter to my story. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as the other chapters. It's probably not the most exciting of chapters but still it needed to be written to introduce more characters into the story and to lead into my next chapter._

_I also want to clarify, in case you didn't get it before, that parts of my story in italics are dreams or memories. This chapter however does NOT include any of these. The next chapter will though! Promise!_

_Also thank you so much to all of the people viewing, favouriting, following and reviewing! :D I'm very grateful!_

_As always continue to REVIEW, FOLLOW & FAVOURITE!_

_Thanks_

_ME4427_

* * *

_4. Visit_

I rolled over and quickly sat up.

"Well I didn't expect this sweetheart."

I gave him my deepest of glares whilst lifting Finn's arm off of me. Quickly, I moved off the bed and stood away from Finn despite the longing to curl up next to him again.

"Shut up _grandpa _Haymitch."

I emphasised the 'grandpa' part because I knew how much he hated that. He's not my real grandparent but it really bugs him when I call him that which is kind of why all of us Mellark kids do give him that name. Haymitch is more like a family _friend_ except that's he's not really a friend.

"You two looked…_cosy_."

"Shut up."

I walked out of the room without a backwards glance and headed back to my hospital bed. I wondered if anyone had noticed my absence and strongly hoped they did not. The pain in my leg had still not subsided and, now that I was walking again, it was really aching. I peeked through the doors as I travelled down the corridors but most of the beds were surprisingly empty. Ever since this hospital had been built there seemed to be more people who needed to be healed which really didn't make sense considering the improvement in conditions here in twelve. I mean almost the whole town – minus the victor's village – had to be rebuilt. I turned the last corner before my room and found the corridor filled with people. But they weren't just any people; they were my family! This just made me realise the state I was actually in. I was limping down the halls, wincing in pain, covered in cuts, bruises and burns and part of my hair had been burnt off. Suddenly mum turned around and her grey eyes met mine but hers were filled with so much worry. I also noticed how her cheeks were stained with tears and I felt slightly bad for causing them. She ran to me then and pulled me into her so strong that it knocked the breath out of me.

"Carmen! Oh dear I was so…I can't…you were…"

She started sniffing and stuttering in my ear so I just patted her back and told her I was ok now although we both new that to be a white lie. It took a while, but eventually she let me go and put me back on my feet. The rest of my family came over to me next but again all filled with worry. I tried to smile reassuringly but then I think it came out as more of a grimace. My dad's sobbing even more than my mum – who's now frantically wiping her tears – and his hug's even more painful. I let him hug me though.

"I'm so sorry this happened! It's all my…"

I interrupted him there. "No dad it wasn't, it wasn't ok?" He just sniffed and finally let me go.

Once my views clear I realised my baby sister Willow wasn't there.

"Where's Willow?" I asked.

"We didn't want her to see her big sister hurt."

My other siblings were there though, my brother Rye and our younger sister Rose. Their eyes mimicked that of my parents as they were also very teary. Rye was holding a box from the bakery which I assumed had some sort of pity-pastry or cake that he or dad made me. Rose is just hovering sheepishly behind him watching me carefully. I guessed she was worried for me and to be honest I really didn't want her there for that reason. Rose had always been the baby before Willow came along and she kind of still was. I walked, well actually limped, towards them and embraced them myself as I knew they wouldn't come near me. Just when I thought I was clear of the waterworks, Rose grabbed me tightly and sobbed into my shoulder mumbling incoherent words.

"It's ok Rose; I'm fine. Don't worry."

Her sobs just got louder but not enough to cover the sound of footsteps rounding the corner. I knew it was him because the smell of alcohol was quite strong now. I decided not looking at him would be a good idea.

"Honestly Rose I'm fine. I'll be out of here soon. I'll be out just in time for your eleventh birthday."

This seemed to make her feel better because she got quieter and eventually let me loose. I gave her an encouraging smile to which she returned. I turned then to find Haymitch with a little smirk on his face, a smirk that frankly I wanted to slap off of him.

"Have you seen how Finn's doing yet?" He asks unconvincingly.

I tried not to glare, unsuccessfully, and simply nodded for fear that if I open my mouth I might have actually hissed at him.

"Annie's coming on the train tomorrow…"

All of our faces dropped. Finn is basically all Annie really has and if she were to see him in the state that I'd just witnessed it would simply tear her apart. Annie lost her husband, Finn's dad, during the rebellion and she'd already lost all her family back in four. Sometimes even Finn wasn't enough to help her. That feeling of guilt swelled up in my stomach again at the thought of all this. Why couldn't he have just let it hurt me? I often think he's too kind for his own good.

"Carmen, what are you doing up?!"

I'd forgotten that I was supposed to be in bed. Grandma was not happy about this. She gave my mum a quick hug and then came to me, took my wrist and dragged me back to my room.

"Sorry grandma but I really am better! It's just my leg really so I think…"

"Where were you last night?"

She whispered in almost a hiss. I didn't respond because I knew that she knew the answer just as well as I did. She gave me a stern look and left shooing everyone as she went. Rose managed to sneak back in and she was now holding the box that Rye had been. She set it down on my nightstand without a word and sat beside me. We sat in silence like that for a while and I didn't think she'd actually start talking.

"Are you really ok Carmen?"

I nodded with a little smile.

"Where were you? Were you with Finn?"

"Yes and don't worry he's ok too."

She seemed to believe me for which I was relieved. We sat in silence again. I was glad to have Rose as my company because, despite different personalities, we generally got on well. She was the one, besides Finn, who I went to talk to and I was that person for her. We did hunting and baking together so we shared a lot of the same hobbies I guess. Anyway, of all the people who could have been there I'm grateful that it was her.

"What exactly happened?"

She abruptly brought me from my thoughts.

"A bomb."

That was all I could really say as I didn't especially want to think about it. She shook her head though as if I'd said something wrong.

"No. That's not what I mean. I know that. I mean…" She sighed then and looked away, "how come you're not…more…_hurt_? Not that I want you to be…it's just…you know…" She trailed off.

I wasn't sure exactly what to say but I knew I'd have to say something and since it's Rose I decided to be completely honest with her.

"I should be, I would be if…"

"Finn?"

She knew exactly what I was trying to say so I just nodded and felt my tears well up again. This, for me, was an unusual spectacle as I never cried but ever since the _accident_ I can't help it. Rose seemed unsure at first but in the end gave me the hug I truly needed. When she drew back we both sat there somewhat awkwardly. Then we overheard mum yelling her so she turned apologetically and left just like that. I chose to peek in the mysterious white box then to find a beautiful iced red-velvet (my favourite) cake.

Leaning back in my bed, I decided to get some sleep since I really had nothing better to do. My family were probably going to have to leave soon and I presumed Finn had nurses and doctors swarming him. There weren't even many other patients here for me to start a conversation with. That's when I realised that if the medicines didn't heal me then the boredom surely would. I would not let myself stay in such an unexciting place for much longer. So I let myself succumb to sleep and closed my eyes trying to think of the happiest events possible. Hopefully I would dream like I had last but somehow I doubted that would happen again.

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_A/N I really hope you guys liked it! I tried really hard with this chapter so I'm sorry if it wasn't exciting enough. Oh well too late now!_

**_Question = Do you think I should do some stuff in Finn's POV or just stick with Carmen's?_**

_Also PLEASE check out my other story because so far it's had 0 follows, 0 favourites & 0 reviews. :(_

_Also (again) I may be starting something for the Host so look out for that..._

_ME4427_

_Ps. Next time I WILL thank (by name) all reviewers, favouriters (if that's a word 'cos I'm not sure) & followers._


	5. Dreaming

_**A/N **Hi readers! I wrote this 'cos I felt quite bad about the last chapter not being very exciting so this WHOLE chapter is in dream mode! I really hope you like it...I think the characters are probably shown better here so hopefully you'll get a real feel for them. It's the longest dreams I've written so far but I knew I needed to include this at some point and I couldn't skip any good stuff._

_Anyway,_

_1. Read_

_2. Enjoy_

_3. Review_

_4. Favourite_

_5. Follow_

_ME4427_

* * *

5. Dream

"_Ok so how exactly do you work this thing?" _

_He asked waving it around carelessly. I sighed; this was definitely going to be much harder than I'd anticipated. This clearly wasn't something that came natural to him like swimming. We were in the forest surrounding twelve and I was _trying_ to keep up my end of a bargain. The agreement was a lesson for a lesson. He taught me to swim, or at least tried to, last time I was in district four so now that he was in here with me, I had to give him a lesson about one of my specialities._

"_Could you at least hold it like I showed you first?" _

_He was really wearing my patience not that I had much to begin with. Finn listened though as he positioned the bow exactly as I had done to which I was very impressed. Maybe he wouldn't be that bad…_

"_Like this?" _

_He asked mocking my owe-so-serious tone of voice and grinning that winning smile of his. I didn't bother to reply to his stupidity._

"_Ok teach. Now how's it work?"_

_His posture dropped but I was quick to correct him. I placed my right hand over his and helped him pull back on the bow's string with my left. Clearly his attention was not on the task at hand because he kept glancing at me over his shoulder almost as if checking it was really me._

"_Now aim…and…fire!" _

_I instructed and tried not to help him too much with the shot to see if he'd actually learnt anything from our hours of practice. The arrow had been trained on a smallish fox but instead hit a rock thus proving he had not been focusing. He just stared at the stray arrow for a minute until he seemed to finally accept he missed. I'm sure I wasn't this bad when I was swimming. His remark, though, was what really bugged me._

"_Oh well. It wasn't that bad a shot." _

_He shrugged and turned back to me to see the anger in my eyes._

"_What? Are you annoyed I missed?"_

_Sometimes he really was just so clueless._

"_No. I'm annoyed that you don't even care! I paid attention in your swimming lessons so you could at least be courteous and do the same. Besides _you_ were the one that asked _me_ to teach _you_! I'm just annoyed that…"_

_He started laughing at my little rant which made me even more furious with him. I wasn't kidding! Why's he always so childish? Isn't he like fourteen now? Sometimes I wonder. Finn must have seen how his little giggle went down with me because he abruptly stopped and watched me fume. Then, as quick as anything, he grabbed me in a big bear hug and pulled me off the ground. His new height really bugged me because I really preferred my feet to remain on the ground. I guess he was having some sort of growth spurt. Eventually he released me from his tight grasp but his hands still lingered on me. They didn't stay there long as I slapped them off pretty quickly._

"_You're cute when you're angry you know that?"_

_That got him one more slap. He knew I hated all that crappy teasing he did but I suppose that's precisely why he does it. I really wish he didn't though. He did a little pouty face then continued with his annoying compliments._

"_What'd I do gorgeous?"_

_I leaned to hit him again but he managed to dodge it with his expert reflexes. See if he only put them into hunting…_

"_You know perfectly well Odair!"_

_He chuckled at the use of his last name. I only ever used that when I was mad. He laughed again when I skidded on a muddy patch and nearly fell on the leafy ground. I was literally chasing him now._

"_Seriously though Carmen babe, what'd I do?"_

_Babe! Was he serious? I almost got him that time but he ducked behind a big tree still laughing his stupid little head off._

"_Am I upsetting you beautiful?"_

_God I wish he wasn't so fast and sneaky. He still escaped my grasp. I knew he could see the growing anger on my face but I was trying quite hard not to laugh too. He was such a goof sometimes that even when he was annoying he made me chuckle._

"_And you call yourself a hunter! Couldn't catch anything no matter how hard you tried!"_

_Now that was taking it too far! I was an excellent hunter and we both knew it very well. I managed to catch him this time to which I was grateful. He'd run right around the clearing and I'd chased him over to the lake. I knew right then what would be my vengeance. I leapt forwards before he had time to think and pushed hard on his chest causing him to lose his balance. Ha! But just as he was falling his hand outstretched and grabbed my forearm hauling us both in. If it hadn't been summer I think we'd have both frozen our butts off! There was a huge splash as we both hit the water causing the ground surrounding the water to become very damp and muddy. At that point I was very glad Finn had taught me to swim at least enough for me to stay afloat unassisted. Finn seemed to have forgotten this though as he immediately made his way over to me and gripped me around the waist. Normally I would have slapped him away but I knew he was only helping me stay above water. Our eyes met just then and we both burst out sniggering. I knew my mum would kill me for my drenched clothes as this was not an odd occasion when I was out here with Finn. In fact, somehow or other he always ended up getting me wet. Our chase still hadn't ended even though we were no longer on dry land. No, I ended up swimming after him and ducking under the water when he tried to catch me. He was much faster than I and in the end he caught me around the waist. Finn then started swimming to the edge with me in tow but when he started to climb out the, now very wet, mud made him lose is grip and plunge under in a brief splash. I stifled a giggle and offered him my hand so we could try again – this time as a team. It took a lot of effort, many failed attempts and a lot of laughing before I managed to crawl up on the side. I reached for Finn and gave him assistance but almost slipped back in whilst doing so. We were now both soaking wet and draped in a thick, runny mud. This made us chuckle even louder. It also made it almost impossible to walk without skidding. Just when I thought I got my balance back, Finn slammed into my back knocking us both into a huge muddy puddle under a large looming oak tree._

"_Sorry about that Carmen."_

"_It's fine." I added with a smile._

_He returned it then pointed at my nose, "You've got a little…" I was about to wipe it off when his big muddy hand reached up and coated my whole nose in mud._

"_Ew Finn! You're dead!"_

_I scooped up a huge handful and pressed it right in the centre of his face with a triumphant grin. It then turned into an all-out mud war. We hurled mud back and forth on each other's faces, arms, legs, anywhere with bare skin. Then he flung me on my back so that it squelched in the mud. I couldn't let him get away with such a thing so I rolled over and pushed him in the mud too. I then climbed on top of him and pinned him down still laughing. All of a sudden he stopped scrambling to escape and just looked up at me._

"_Is something wrong?" I began to panic a little and observed the surrounding trees to find it was just us two here. "Finn?" He continued to watch me but he was smiling. I wondered what it was that he was thinking about but decided I probably didn't want to know. I was about to get off him then but he grabbed my wrist in his right hand and used his other to brush the muddy hair clung to my face out of the way. My heart rate immediately increased and I contemplated what exactly he was going to do here. Then he propped himself up a little so he was nearer level with me. The beating of my heart had increased so rapidly I was sure it'd rip through my shirt any moment. My senses realigned then and I heard the faintest of noises so I abruptly pulled away from him and stood up. Politely I helped him up too and turned around to find a dear._

"_Where's a bow when you need one?"_

_I joked feeling the unusual tension in the air. The dear ran off through the thick undergrowth of the forest leaving the two of us once again. I walked back to retrieve my bow and bag of arrows and realised we'd completely forgotten about the lesson plan just as we had when Finn started teaching me to swim. Oh well. As I spun my head around I found that Finn was straight behind me and I almost fell over with shock but he caught me before I was able._

"_Come on Carmen, let's go."_

_His pace was oddly quick now and I strangely felt distracted and uncoordinated; it wasn't a nice feeling. I continued as best I could but the disorientation started making me feel wobbly and I ended up falling over a low tree branch. Finn, although I was sure he'd been miles ahead, was there in a flash. I felt slightly embarrassed by my uncharacteristic behaviour and the fact I was currently squashing a small forest shrub. He slowly helped me up but I'd clearly damaged my ankle somehow and couldn't balance well. This just made him sigh and in the swiftest of movements he swung me up on his back - my legs were around his back and my arms at his neck. We continued on through the forest and I enjoyed my new height as the view from up here was oddly different. I relished the feel of the leaves – that'd previously been out of reach – beneath my fingertips. It was lovely. Much too soon for my liking, we reached the edge of the forest so he had to put me down to get over the supposed-to-be-electrified fence. He lifted me over as if I weighed nothing more than a mockingjay feather. Finn then slipped through behind me and lifted me once again. We were quick through the town square but the people who did see us gave us some very_ interesting _looks. I wouldn't say they were particularly nice but I guess we were drenched in mud and dripping wet…_

_When we reached the victor's village he seemed to be almost weary about who would see us. He was probably slightly worried about my parents' reaction to my muddy clothes. We stopped in front of my house and he set me down clearly not wanting to face my parents. I was about to go inside when he leaned in and his lips touched my cheek. This certainly wasn't a usual gesture from my friend but, for some bizarre reason unknown to me, I actually didn't mind. In fact it made me feel _good._ He was very quick to get away from me then, probably in fear of me hitting him again, but I made no such move. I simply slipped through my front door into the blackness of the hallway._

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_**A/N** Ok I really hope you liked it. As always PLEASE REVIEW, FOLLOW &/or FAVOURITE!_

_It's much appreciated_

_ME4427_


	6. Coping

**_A/N _**_I've actually written two different chapter 6's but I liked this one best so I hope you guys like it too. I've finally written in Finn's POV so I also hope that's ok and hopefully it'll explain a lot of the previous mysteries. It talks about the night when she first saw him and also what happens to him whilst she's having the dream in chapter 5. You'll (hopefully) see how the two things interlink as I actually used some of the same text in her dream as he says here. Oh I forgot, it also includes a bit about what happened after the bomb. Anyway, why don't you just read it..._

_ME4427_

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_6. Coping_

_Meanwhile…_

[Finn's POV]

I try my best to be strong and not scream but it's hard. I manage to just let out a small gasp and a muffled scream. Mentally I scold myself for the embarrassment. How many bandages are there on my back? Just when I think they're done, they peel another one from my fragile back. It hurts so much I sometimes have to close my eyes and try to think of nice things. It tends to help a little but not enough. I'm sick of the constant pain and agony I'm in. It's there when I try to sleep, move, think and even when I'm not doing anything at all! The only time I'd actually been able to sleep was last night when Carmen came. How she did it's still a mystery to me but somehow she made me forget how much pain I was in, enough to sleep for a bit anyway.

She'd come in and at first I thought it'd been a doctor, which made me shut my eyes in hope they'd leave. Then, whilst I pretended to sleep, I started to feel self-conscious as if someone was watching me. I still didn't know it was her until she reached out and stroked my face. I would always know her soft touch. At that point I really couldn't help myself and started to do the same back. Usually I manage to control my urges around her pretty well but at that point I couldn't have cared less what she thought of them. I was quite sure she wouldn't hit me like she often did when I got carried away. I don't think she realises the effect she has on me. After a while I ended up drifting off but when I woke, I found her on the floor holding my hand. She'd also fallen asleep. I knew I couldn't let her sleep on the floor all night but at the same time I didn't know what I could do about it. Before I even realised what I was doing I was whispering,

"Come here Carmen."

I had pulled her up a bit by her hand but I didn't want to hurt her, so although it hurt me, I wrapped my other arm around her to help. I managed to lift her up, not as carefully as I'd hoped, but still without waking her. She'd started to roll over though and almost fell off.

"Where you going?" I'd asked rhetorically.

I had to grab her wrist to keep her on the table. This seemed to settle her a bit so I relaxed and wrapped my arms around her. I pressed our foreheads together again and silently promised her we'd get through this together. She snuggled into me then and I swear my heart skipped a beat. I started to brush the hair from her face with my fingers again and I couldn't help notice how beautiful she looked right there. So that's where I'd fallen asleep, in the closest thing to heaven. When I woke up though, she was gone and I felt sort of disappointed. I'd kind of expected to find her there in my arms but she wasn't.

"Ok last one Finnick." That's brought me abruptly back to reality. I can't believe we're almost done; I barely felt anything this time. This one hurt quite a bit though but I manage to stifle my cries. She leaves which I'm quite glad about even though, besides Carmen, she's been my only company. However she was the one who I know associated with pain. The loneliness wasn't that bad though. I go back to my thoughts just to be pulled from them as I hear someone cough. They come to the head of the table to meet my face and I'm immediately disappointed by who it is. I give him a brief smile.

"You seen Mellark yet?" He asks with a bit of a grin.

I just close my eyes again hoping to block him out. I begin to understand what made her leave.

"I spoke to Annie on the phone."

My eyes open immediately to this. I hope to god that she isn't coming here to see me because, even though I'd love to see my mum, I didn't want her to see me. Ever since I can remember, my mum's been so sad and lonely and I think if she saw me in this state she'd have another breakdown. I honestly don't think she can take it. From a young age, I became the adult and had to look after her when she got so sad all she did was cry. My mum's probably the most important person to me in this world and me to her because I'm all she has ever since my dad died. I still don't know exactly what happened because she never talks about it ever. Haymitch's voice broke me out of my thoughts again.

"She'll be visiting you tomorrow kid."

He says sadly then heads out. I slam my head in my hands and start to worry about her. I really don't want her here but the damage is probably already done now. She'll have heard about the bomb, it was probably all over the news, and she's probably actually thinking worse than it really is. Tears start welling up in my eyes just thinking about her. But I had to do it. I had to save Carmen. I still don't know what went through my head when that happened. I don't really remember much about it because I blacked out from the pain afterwards when Carmen started carrying me to the hospital. I was lying on the ground writhing in pain when I felt her arms pick me up. I'd tried to protest but she didn't listen or didn't understand. She'd been injured pretty badly too but she pinned me to her back and dragged the two of us across the ruins of the square. Again part of twelve was blown to pieces but it wasn't that bad apparently. According to my doctor, only the square and some surrounding buildings were damaged. Anyway, we'd made it pretty far when I felt her legs give out and we both fell to the ground. I'd already blacked out a couple of times but that time I was seriously knocked out. When I woke up I was here all alone wondering what had happened to her.

I knew now though. Last night, when I saw her I was overwhelmed with grief at the state she was in. She limped most of the time, had a huge gash on her head and one on her arm, her hair was singed at parts and she probably had a thousand other injuries I couldn't see. At the same time I was glad though that she wasn't in as bad a state as I was.

Suddenly I hear people down the corridor and I wonder what's going on. I can't make out any words but there's definitely someone sobbing, someone talking, and Haymitch. Who else would Haymitch visit here? Carmen. I sincerely hope they're relieved tears not grieving tears. If she were hurt I think it would kill me. Carmen and I have been friends since I can remember. We didn't get to see each other as much as I would have liked but still. I live in four and she lives in twelve so we only get to see one and other when we're on holiday. When we do see each other we have the best times though. It's weird not seeing your best friend everyday but it makes the days we spend together so much better. In twelve we generally go out in the forest surrounding it or I help her out in her dad's bakery. When we're in four we usually go to the beach at the peer or go to the fisherman's market. Next time she comes to four I was planning on taking her out on my family's boat again as she loved it last time when I took her up to a little island. But maybe that won't happen now. What if everything changes now?

Out of nowhere the door to my little hospital room opens and at first I'm relieved by who I see; it's Carmen. But I look and realise that she's not actually awake. I'd kind of forgotten that she sleepwalked. The first time she did it was when I was like ten and she was staying at my house. I ended up chasing her down the peer because I was worried she might drown. She doesn't do it all the time, only occasionally. Anyway, I bring my thoughts to a halt just as she trips and starts to fall over. I leap up despite the pain and grab her forearm. We both end up falling backwards on my bed but I manage to shift slightly so I don't land on my back. I hope she's ok and whisper a quick apology about the roughness,

"Sorry about that Carmen."

I'm glad the fall didn't wake her because I know you're never supposed to wake someone who is sleepwalking. I check just to be sure but she's still asleep. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I move her further up so she's on the table properly. I really wish I had a pillow for her head to rest on so I let her use my right arm as a substitute. Slowly, I push small strands out of her face and behind her ear so I can look at her lovely face. I then wrap my arms around her and pull her into my chest. For some reason I feel much more comfortable with her there. I close my eyes then and rest my head down but then I feel something in my hair. I open one eye to find Carmen's fingers laced in my wavy hair and the other wrapped around my neck. My breathing definitely hitches this time and I'm so glad she's not awake to notice. Her heads now nicely tucked in the nook of my neck and my chins resting on her head happily. I think I could stay like this for forever; I just feel so relaxed. My eyes close again and I hope that this time when I wake up she'll still be right here in my arms instead of off in her own room. I also hope that a doctor doesn't decide to check in on me during the night and disturb this wonderful moment. I trace the wounds up and down her arms and let myself drift into a world of sleep.

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_**A/N **Well I hoped you liked it and I'll probably write some more chapters in Finn's POV 'cos I actually quite liked it._

_Question = Do you want the next chapter in Carmen's POV or Finn's POV?_

_As always, I appreciate ALL reviews, follows, favourites, views, and PM's._

**_Important= I'm back at school on Tuesday so I'm sorry if I can't upload as much but I will try my best to upload regularly!_**

_ME4427_


	7. Good Surprise

**_A/N _**_Hi again! I'm so sorry I've not updated in a while but you were warned. My teachers clearly don't care that I may have a life so unfortunately I've been dead busy! Sorry about that. But here's the next chapter. I made it extra long to make up for the wait. It's not that long but it's my longest. Also it's from Finn's POV because **Fangirl in a fandom world** requested that. _

_Also thank you to **Fangirl in a fandom world****, ****Rose,** **CaptainEkO, Castlefan7, Fire Kitty 12, AdventureTimeFangirl1000 & RandomNerdyGirl **for reviewing._

_Thanks to **CaptainEKO, Georgina Clift, Fangirl in a fandom world, Fire Kitty 12, Glatobaby12, Steven Garrett, Castlefan7 & gamemaker dot john **for favouriting._

_Thank you to my followers **CaptainEKO, Fangirl in a fandom world, Georgina Clift, Glatobaby12, HungerGamesgirl911, Castlefan7 & gamemaker dot john.**_

_**I also want to thank gamemaker dot john for help with the first two chapters! :D**_

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_7. Good Surprise_

[Finn's POV]

When my eyes open I get the most pleasant of surprises. Carmen is still lying next to me wrapped up securely in my arms. I relax and shut my eyes again whilst tangling my fingers in her beautifully soft hair; I can't resist. Unconsciously, I also end up pulling her as close as possible to my body just to feel her closeness and warm, light breath on my neck. Just like that she takes all the pain away from me and I feel absolutely content here and now. A pang of disappointment hits me though when I feel her stir beside me. I'm about to peek to see if she's awake when I feel a warm hand caress my face which instantly makes me freeze. She traces my face more roughly than she previously did and then her hand trails down my neck. My breathing noticeably hitches and I mentally cringe at myself in case she noticed. I don't think Carmen realises how I feel towards her but I'm pretty sure everyone else did a while ago. That's kind of why I feel a bit awkward in front of her parents, almost like I have to watch myself. I decide to have a quick peek to see whether this is in her dream, which I assume it will be. Why else would she touch me like that? I stand corrected though. Her deep blue eyes shine up at me and instantly look away in embarrassment. It's then that I realise my fingers are still entwined in her braid but I don't choose to change that. In fact I like them there.

"Carmen."

I whisper her name and realise it's the first time since the _accident_ that, as far as she knows, she's heard my voice. She immediately turns around and smiles sadly at me. I return it but I think I smiled too happily which probably puzzled her a bit. I almost get lost in the deepness of her eyes but manage to make my brain start working enough again to speak.

"Did you sleep well gorgeous?"

My teasing was never her favourite thing but it usually made her giggle, a sound which I longed to hear ever so much. I swear the first time I heard it, I decided it was my favourite noise in the whole world. Okay, maybe not my favourite; I think my favourite is her singing in her sweet little voice. That made my heart flutter like a mockingjay's wings. She rolled her eyes at my comment before finally answering me.

"Yes." She says then smirks, "What about you handsome?"

Handsome? Carmen Mellark calling me handsome? I mean obviously I'd been complimented on my looks before and clearly she was kidding but still. My reaction makes her chuckle lightly and I realise my face must be openly reflecting my shock. Whilst still giggling she curls into me again, her head resting beside my chest. It makes me contemplate how small she now was compared to me. It was quite cute actually. My heart rate increases a lot as I realise how close to me she was but I find it terribly embarrassing as her ear was now pressed against my chest. Surely she hears that? I hope not. Suddenly she looks up, catching me watching her but I still can't bring myself to pull my gaze away. I then realise she's waiting for a reply so I answer honestly.

"Absolutely." I say almost too smugly causing her to eye me curiously.

I did have an excellent sleep though. I think that's the best I've slept in ages. My dream was all about us and the old times except I think some parts were just interpretations or exaggerations. I wonder if Carmen ever dreams about me. The dream was about one of my favourite days we spent together, the day she told me to kiss her…

* * *

_I wiggled my toes in the sand loving the feeling of it. This was something that always calmed me and at that moment it was exactly what I needed. Carmen and I had had our very first fight about half an hour ago now and I think I needed to cool off. It wasn't that I was mad at her; I was mad at myself. I had snapped at her and after all she had only been telling me the truth, but I guess the truth does sting sometimes especially in this case. I didn't want to think about that though so I just stared at the waves lapping over each other almost as if tackling one and other. Backstabbers. What kind of friends did that? God, I needed to get a grip on myself. Waves were not friends here so I couldn't personify them. Whenever I got this upset I'd usually go talk to Carmen and she would hug me and tell me everything was alright and that I'd done the right thing. In this case I had not though. Her telling me that would just be a lie and lies were how I got into this situation. They only destroyed the most precious things in our lives. Lies, games and death, the top three relationship poisons. What was I talking about? Carmen and I would be friends again. I was just being over-dramatic. I wondered how long it would be until someone came to find me. I assumed a while yet as I'd basically pushed everyone who ever cared about me away. What was my problem? I put my head in my hands and despite the longing to cry, I couldn't even will myself to do that. It hurt too much to even cry about for that would be acknowledging what I'd done. Should I go in the water? Drown in my sorrows? Not literally of course as I was far too good a swimmer, only metaphorically. I wish, sometimes, that I could allow myself to do so. But then who would care for my mother? Although, right then I'd definitely not been thinking of her. Someone else, someone like Carmen, could probably look after her far better than I. Maybe if she'd had someone like Carmen she wouldn't be the way she is. Maybe this is my entire fault after all. God dad, if only you could see us now! If only you could see what a mess you've made of us all! Can you see how pained she is? Can you see how I try to help but fail every time? Can you see how she pushes us all away when we try? Can you see what the stress has done to me? Can you see the person I've become as a result? If you could see me, would you be disappointed? I think you would. I hope you would. You should. I am. Everyone is. You should be. I hope you are. I deserve it._

_My thoughts are snapped from me abruptly as I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. What now? What does someone want to come and tell me how much I look like him? Does someone want to say we're basically the same person? Does someone want to tell me that I am no one? I am not my own person; I am him. I am my dad. Except I'm a horrible person and I hope he wasn't. I hope what they say isn't true. I don't want to be like him because then he's like me and I want a father who's a nice person, a good guy, someone I'd like, someone people can rely on. I am none of those things. Whoever it is lifts their hand from my shoulder and sits beside me. I can't be bothered with them though as I don't feel up to upsetting even more people and if I opened my mouth I knew that would happen. So we just sat there, me with my head in hands and wallowing in pity whilst they sat there doing whatever it was that I couldn't see. After a while I became frustrated and snapped as always._

"_What the hell do you want?"_

_I really had become heartless. The only person who ever brought me out of things like this is one of the people who are no longer talking to me. Or at least that's what I assume although I ran from the house so quickly who could tell? The person still doesn't answer so I look up and meet a pair of eyes I really didn't expect. My face becomes a confused, depressed frown._

"_Carmen?"_

_She still doesn't reply. Ok silent treatment isn't that bad. She shuffled closer to me until we were right beside each other, our shoulders touching. Her eyes were now focused on the sea, no longer looking at me. Maybe she was just as ashamed as I'd been with myself. I hope she was. I deserved that too. She didn't seem to though as she was here with me. Her head slowly lent on my shoulder as I was slouched so we were about even height. It felt nice having her there with me but I didn't want or warrant nice. At the same time I really didn't want to pull away and push everyone further from me. For once the silence between us had a tinge of awkwardness and I really didn't like how uncomfortable it made me. I think it was the fact I knew how furious she was with me or at least how furious with me she should be. In the end I go back to wallowing in self-pity except it's not so much pity as loathing. I don't deserve pity. I never will. She doesn't seem to like this though and after only a few moments of self-loathing, she reaches for my right-hand and snatches it from underneath my face. I thought she'd drop it as if it was on fire but she didn't. Carmen held my hand. She'd only ever held my hand when she was dragging me somewhere. But she wasn't, she just sat with a firm hold on my hand. I didn't deserve such comfort and I had to stop it._

"_Carmen, no..." I tried to pull my hand away but she just held on tighter. This time she did speak._

"_What? You don't want my comfort? You don't want comfort? Why?"_

_She seemed a bit edgy which I guess was understandable considering my hostile remarks earlier today. I didn't really have much of a response to her questions though. Yes I wanted _her_ comfort and yes I wanted comfort but I shouldn't. And I shouldn't because someone like me shouldn't get it. She'd probably guessed my answer by the lack of response and she seemed even more edgy at this point. Eventually the frown melted away from her face and she stood up. I was disappointed she was leaving me but glad she understood. That's not what she was doing though. She reached down and pulled me up with her. I tried to protest but I was too numb to really react to anything. What followed was an unexpected action on her part. Her hands went around my waist and she hugged me. I would have been overjoyed by such a thing on a normal day. Normally it was me all over her but today was clearly different. Obviously I didn't slap her like she would have done me but I still didn't agree with what she was doing. She was rewarding my selfish, arrogant, disgusting (I could go on and on but I won't bore you) behaviour. I controlled myself enough not to pull her closer or even hug her back. After realising that I wasn't prepared to, she drew back and looked directly at me with a worried expression._

"_I don't deserve kindness Carmen so please just stop."_

_I spoke sadly barely meeting her gaze. She waited for a moment almost as if considering some unknown decision. When she finally spoke again she ignored everything I'd just said to her and completely took me off guard._

"_Kiss me Finn."_

_That made me look at her. I watched her eyes carefully as I was filled with disbelief. Surely I heard her wrong. Her expression only reflected complete truthfulness. Did she really just say that to me? Of course she hadn't._

"_What?"_

_I barely hid the alarm in my voice. Why would she want to kiss me? Especially today of all days. I was surprised she was still talking to me. Then she leant up towards me and this time I forgot everything and didn't want to stop her at all…_

* * *

That's not exactly how it'd happened in real life. In real life, I did try and she ran away. But I liked my dream version better even if I did wake up before anything actually happened.

"Good. I…"

We heard someone enter the room and I instantly felt awkward. It surprised me Carmen didn't immediately jump away from me but it also made me kind of smug. Who was it now? I really was sick of people disturbing me and of all the times a doctor could have come, then was definitely the worst. Carmen looked up at the figure and immediately froze. My grip on her automatically tightened and she was so close to me now that we were practically joined. I liked that feeling. I sigh loudly enough for them to hear and get the message that I really can't be bothered and that they're disturbing something I wish they didn't. I prop myself up on the stiff arm previously used for Carmen's pillow without moving the one from her braid. When I turn around it isn't a doctor at all. It's someone I almost, just for a split-second, forgot about.

It's my mum.

* * *

**_A/N _**_Ok so I will try my very hardest to write more next week! I'm again so sorry for the long wait. I didn't intend it to be so long. I hope you liked the chapter and as always I appreciate **ALL REVIEWS, FOLLOWS, FAVOURITES **(sorry for the spelling if your American) **AND PM's!**_

_**Also again thank you to all my loyal, wonderful fans!**_

_**Question =** (Once I finish this story) Would anyone be interested in me doing a spin off about her other siblings? I quite want to do one about Rose..._

_Thanks for reading, hope you liked it,_

_ME4427_


	8. Bandaged Wounds

**_A/N_**_ Hi again! Ok I'm so sorry about the long delay but again blame my teachers! I've also had a bit of writers block so I sat down and thought "where do I want this story to go?" so now I know and the story takes a bit of a twist. I decided to start writing again cos I have a writing assessment next week so I need to start practicing and although the style is COMPLETELY different I thought it'll probs still be good for me._

_This chapter includes **BOTH POV's **and is much longer (for some reason I've been writing more recently)._

_Thanks to** Danni** and **Guest **AKA my new reviewers._

_And as always I will try my hardest to update more often but I have just gotten a HUGE RE project so I'm not sure how possible that'll be._

_ME4427_

* * *

_8. Bandaged Wounds_

**[Finn's POV]**

"Mum?"

I whisper in disbelief. My arms are still around Carmen as I stare in astonishment. She just observes us slowly and her perfectly green eyes are rimmed with fresh tears. I can't believe I forgot she was coming to see me today! It's probably because I've been spending most of my time with Carmen and when I'm with her I seem to forget almost everything. After a minute of deadly silence she runs forward and leaps at me. Her arms wrap tightly around me as if clinging for dear life. I use my one free arm to hug her back but leaving one around Carmen. I'm still not ready to let Carmen go just yet. My mum sobs into my bare shoulder for a while until finally releasing me. At first I'm reluctant to let go but in the end I comply. She sniffs and her eyes bore into mine so much that I can feel her every worry and piece of sorrow for me. My eyes actually start to well up too.

"Finnick honey…"

She starts but it ends up turning into muffled sobs. I know I've got to be the adult here like most days at home so I try to act strong. The only time I ever really get to act like a normal sixteen year old is when I'm here in twelve with Carmen but even then I spend a lot of time worrying for my mum especially if she opts not to come. But this time it's her who was left to worry. I tend to be quite inept when it comes to lying and usually I'm as transparent as glass; my mum can almost always tell when I lie to her. I adjudicate to make an attempt anyways.

"Mum, its ok. I'm fine honestly. You really don't need to…"

She cuts me off virtually within seconds of my deception. Obviously, I'm not getting away with this one.

"Look at you Finnick."

Mum whispers on the verge of silence. Unconsciously, I do exactly as she says and it doesn't even look good to optimistic me. I resemble a heap of broken items in a complete state. My appearance causes a heavy sigh to escape my lips. At the point at which I'm about to give a response, I feel Carmen stir next to me and give a faint-hearted attempt at getting up. Instead I direct my words to her.

"You don't have to go. Stay. Please."

Her perfect ocean eyes read me for a moment then she sighs too and just sits up a bit instead, somewhat awkwardly.

"All your friends are worried about you back home."

That came out of nowhere. Are they? I guess I never thought about other people, besides mum, being worried about me. I mean I miss them and all but my mind doesn't tend to wander to them.

"It was all over the news."

_That_ doesn't get much of a reaction from me. Of course it was! I mean, it would have been no matter who was involved but the fact that two of the most well-known 'Victors Children' were there (and injured) really makes it front page story worth. However, it does make me wonder what kind of sick, twisted, exaggerated story they've really published. I bet there's headlines saying we're dead, or we saved like fifty people or some other concocted fabrication of the truth. You can't trust a word the papers say these days. Caesar Flickerman's probably dying for interviews with us now, so I guess that's my next month or so booked solid. Caesar has one of the most notoriously popular interview shows and apparently he did the interviews for the tributes that went into the Hunger Games. Or at least that's what I was told when I asked why mum wouldn't let me watch it. Apparently it brought back too many memories of dad and some of _her_ games. That's something she's never once spoke of. Never.

"They said you risked your life for others."

Of course they did. What a load of bullshit! I _wish_ I had, but I'd never be able to do something so selfless. To be honest, I'm the most selfish person I know. I am a horribly selfish and egotistical person. I loathe myself. On the verge of putting the facts straight, I'm interrupted by the previously quiet Carmen.

"Yes, he did. He saved me."

Now that's something I'd forgotten about.

"Well not really. I just…"

"I know it doesn't exactly cut it, but" She turns to me and I think my heart melts, "thank you."

I spin and catch mum's proud smile and I swear I hear her whisper '_just like his father would have'_ but I know that she couldn't have said that. I'm nothing like my father; he was a good person.

"Anyways, I spoke to the doctor and she seems to think you'll be well enough for the transfer."

"Transfer?" What transfer? What's mum talking about?

"Well yes. You're going to come back to four with me."

I don't even bother to hide the drop in my mood. My expression probably screams '_no!'_ but if it does she doesn't seem to notice or at least chooses not to. It's not that I don't want to go back to four or anything it's just…Carmen. I don't want to leave her.

"When?"

"Later today."

* * *

**_[Carmen's POV]_**

"Where's _his _doctor?"

"She's no longer on call."

"So are you taking over then?" I kind of hope she is. Although my grandma's pretty strict towards me, she's an excellent healer and I trust her the most. Of all the people who could be caring for him, she's probably the most competent so in that sense I think the best for the job.

"Yes I am. Is that a problem?"

"Not at all."

"Then stop questioning me." Not yet.

"What exactly does he need doing? _I _thought he was well enough to travel but if he…"

A deep sigh from my grandma completely interrupts me.

"If you _must_ know," She puts great emphasis on the 'must'. Clearly I'm getting on her nerves but when it concerns Finn and his well-being I don't think I could care less about being interrogative and rude. My mother on the other hand, would probably call me an ungrateful and bad-mannered child even though, from what I've heard of her manners, she was far worse than I. "He's getting new bandages put on to replace the old ones."

Changed my mind. I do not want my grandmother doing that. For that job he needs someone VERY gentle and I know that she can be but not enough. She seems to see the unsure look to my eye.

"Problem?"

"It's just…well…be careful." I hesitate a bit with my words as I try to not offend her.

"Carmen it's my job. Of course I'll be careful! If you believe you could do…" Big mistake.

"I could do a better job of it." I speak with confidence but then add, "No offense."

"Carmen…"

"No. What if I want to be a healer too? I'd have to learn some day! Why not today?"

"Because I know for a fact you don't want to be a healer."

"People change." I shrug nonchalantly.

"Fine. Be my guest." She gestures towards the door to his room. It now looks completely ominous but I know I can't back out of my challenge now. She doesn't think I can do it so I'll prove her wrong. I'm Carmen Mellark; I can do everything.

I enter and instantly regret my decision. It's ironic that I chose to do this because I wanted him to face a limiting amount of pain and now he's probably going to face more, not just because he's not got a professional or even someone who's ever done anything like this before, but also because he's got me, the most careless person in the world. This kind of irony is the opposite of comedic though. I walk over to where he lays but I hesitate a bit.

_Ok Carmen, you can do this. He doesn't know it's you yet because his eyes are shut so it's probably best to keep it that way. If he knew it was you doing this he'd be unbelievably terrified. So, to stop him uncovering the truth, I will not talk. Or I will try not to._

Slowly, I reach for the bandages that cling tightly to his skin. God these must be so uncomfortable, I don't know how he bares it. I could barely handle the mundane atmosphere but with a pile of pain on top of that, now that's agony.

_Should I pull them off quick like you're supposed to do with plasters? Or should I do it slow and carefully? I have no clue. Which will hurt more?_

I start at a gentle pace but if it hurts him I'll speed up. I do it so slowly that it must take about an hour to even get the first one half way. I continue with my speed as, despite being more rigid, he hasn't showed any sign of complaint.

"Carmen?"

His unsure voice catches me off guard which makes me flinch. This causes the bandage to unbind itself from the squishy surface that was supposedly once skin much faster than I'd intended. He lets out a sharp breath.

"Oh god! I'm sorry! Are you ok? I didn't mean to…"

"I'm fine. You're much softer than the people who normally do this." Thank god! "Why _are_ you doing this?" I decide then that distraction is clearly a good tactic so I return to pulling whilst making conversation.

"I didn't want someone doing it that would…hurt you."

"Thanks." He beamed slightly.

"Yeah but I doubt I'm doing a better job." I reply sheepishly. Surely he's holding back on the pain to make me feel better.

"Believe me, you are."

Once the last one's stripped from his bare back, I get a front row seat of the damage to his back. It's much worse than I'd anticipated it would be. I've seen plenty blood in my time, mine and the many animals I've hunted, but nothing like this. This actually makes me nauseous just to look at. For a minute, I think I may actually throw up and I contemplate whether to sprint to the bathroom. I manage to refrain from doing so but it's still an abhorrent sight. His skin, or what's left of it, is now tainted red presumably from the constant smear of blood on it. Currently, that's exactly the state it's in. Most of the reddish brown stuff has hardened to become more of a crusty solid but there are still some fresh patches. As I look at the bandages, I become more disgusted as I see that some are caked in small fragments of flesh. I'm quick to snatch the replacement ones off the bench to cover up this crime scene. I don't think I could truthfully look at it anymore; I am appalled enough for now. My injuries were no comparison to the ones Finn displayed. How had he not been in more pain? Or had he been this whole time and he'd just not been letting on as to not upset me and my fragile, hormonal emotions further? I assumed the first one was more fictional than that following. I was gentle as I laid the new ones on, pretending he was a china doll being glued back together. One false move is enough to shatter the whole figure. In this case, that may be true.

Once I'm done, I marvel proudly at my handiwork. It's not half bad for a first attempt. Maybe I got my skills from my grandma although my mother clearly didn't. She was one of the worst healers of all time despite having managed to apply medicine to my father when it was fatal. That was in the Hunger Games or so I've been told. My mum's sister Primrose, my auntie, had apparently been very good at this kind of stuff and used to help out her mum when she was young. She also helped heal the wounded victims and soldiers in the rebellion that is until some sort of accident. No one really talks about what happened to her because it's too sad. I got my middle name from her and Rose got her name from her. Or at least that's what I assumed. I got the 'Prim' and she got the 'Rose'.

"Is it done?"

I'd almost forgotten he was there. Finn had remained relatively silent throughout the procedure, to which I was surprised.

"Yep, all done."

He makes a noise that doesn't sound especially pleased. Why would he not be pleased? I voice my opinion.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No seriously Finn what is it?" I ask him more seriously this time, hoping he might understand from my tone that I mean it. I want an answer.

"It's just," He pauses as if considering whether to tell me the truth.

"The truth Finn."

"The sooner that I'm ready to go…well the sooner I go."

"Oh." It slipped from my memory that he'd be leaving. That meant that I wouldn't see him for a while because of school and other commitments. We'd planned so much to do whilst he was here and we'd not done any of it. The bomb went off on the first day he'd arrived so we never got the chance and I guess we'd both been out cold for a while so he had to go home now. He was going to practise his hunting skills and we were going to go to our lake and maybe have a swim. We were supposed to climb trees and draw the wildlife. We were going to help at the bakery and ice cakes. We were going to sit and laugh at the ridiculous capitol outfits on the TV and in the magazines. We weren't going to spend the time in the hospital but that's where we ended up.

"I'll come visit as soon as possible, I promise!" He adds quickly but I barely hear him. I shrink back inside my bubble of misery. This whole trip had been ruined and why? Because of that ridiculous group known as 'Ultionem Snow'. They ruined everything that was good and for what? Nobody knows why.

"There you are! Come on."

In enters Annie to steal away my hope of a little longer with Finn. But I forgive her because she needs him more than I do. And she needs him in four, their home. He gets up as Annie and I run to his assistance. He stumbles a bit but we guide him towards the door. Once we make it to the corridor, I know it's time for me to leave him but I don't care so I continue on through the oddly empty reception. The glass entrance approaches us too quickly and I know I have to say goodbye then and there for probably 6 months at least. I hate not seeing my best friend every day. Finn looks at Annie but she doesn't get his hint.

"Mum, could you give me a sec?" She nods and makes her way outside. He turns back to me then and I smile faintly. I don't have it in my heart to smile properly.

"It's a shame this trip went to so quick."

"And so badly." I add to which he chuckles softly.

"Bye Finn. I'll miss you." I look down as I whisper the last part but he pulls my face up so I'm looking directly at him. His eyes sparkle briefly in the well lit room as he holds my chin up to him.

"Bye Carmen."

Just as I'm about to respond he takes my breath away by sweeping my matted brown hair out of my eyes. He presses his lips to my forehead just like he has done a couple of times before but he lingers when he pulls back. His eyes lock with mine and we both just stare for a minute. Then he leans in again but his lips don't touch my head this time.

His lips touch mine.

And then he hobbles out into the flash of cameras and I watch him go.

* * *

**_A/N _**_Don't worry people! This is not the end! It's not even close to being the end. In fact it's only the beginning (not literally only figratively). So yeah..._

_Please **REVIEW, FOLLOW, FAVOURITE **and** PM **me._

_Oh and if any of you are interested, I also wrote an alternative chapter 7 if anyone wants to read it. It's not very interesting though. It's called 'Explanation' and it's from Carmen's POV not Finn's. Anyways,_

_ME4427_


	9. Return

_**A/N **Hi my lovely viewers! Ok first off...WHERE HAVE U GUYS BEEN?! I only got 1 review for my last chapter :( I hope people haven't lost interest..._

_Second- I think I'm going to do a tiney bit of editting to the first chapter because it seems to be turning some people off._

_Third- WOO! I GOT OVER 1000 VIEWS! :D_

_Fourth- I MAY be writing another Hunger Games story soon but it will be about people actually going into the Hunger Games._

_Fifth- Sorry about this number thing!_

_Sixth- It's a long weekend because of may day so I promise to update atleast once!_

_Seventh- I have a writing assessment tomorrow so wish me luck!_

_Eighth- PLEASE check out my other story cos no one has and it made me sad..._

_Ninth- I hope you people like my cover image; I added colour to the original one so it stood out more!_

_Tenth- PLEASE review, follow, favourite and PM me._

_One for luck!- Thank you soooo much to **CaptainEKO** for actually reviewing the last chapter and thank you to **monster**DOT**got**DOT**swag** for favouriting and following!_

_ME4427_

* * *

9. Return

[Carmen's POV]

_1 ½ years later_

_Finn was watching me. I was hovering at the side of the room, not getting involved with the party goers. I'd never really been exceptionally sociable but, according to my dad, my mum was the exact same way. Anyway, every time I looked up, no matter where abouts in the room he was, he stood gaping at me. It made me feel so self-conscious and embarrassed, so much so that I kept gazing at my feet awkwardly. I never felt awkward so that was certainly new. Finn always managed to make me feel or act differently to how I normally was. Maybe it's just something that happens with close friends. I risked a peek up and sure enough his eyes were all for me despite talking to someone else I presumed to be a friend. She seemed to have all eyes for him. Maybe he was just worried I was being unsociable because of the strangers that surrounded me so he wanted to check I was alright. He didn't even take his eyes off me in embarrassment when I met them; he just smiled warmly at me. That smile always made me feel better. The blonde girl clearly didn't get the fact he wasn't paying any attention to her whatsoever as she shamelessly flirted with him to which I had to stifle a giggle. His expression is what almost broke my laughter free; he looked horrified! Her fingers danced across the skin of his arm and his expression only got worse. I don't really understand why he was so repulsed, I mean most guys would be pretty chuffed. I would have guessed him especially but clearly not. He removed her arm leaving it limp at her side and her expression showed she wasn't used to being told no. I was so focused on her that I lost sight of where Finn went. I contemplated just going home because all of these people were like two years older than me and I wasn't exactly up for their conversations. The age gap really was making me uncomfortable as most of them were necking back drink-after-drink or as I prefer to call it 'The Haymitch'. I'd never touched the stuff in my life; I think my mum would've killed me if I had. I'd never really had the desire to either after seeing what it does to people (i.e. Haymitch). I chose to stick it out for Finn as he'd be so disappointed if I did leave on his birthday._

_A guy came up to me then, staggering a bit. He looked me over from head-to-toe and back again. It really unnerved me and I felt Goosebumps coat my entire body. Just as I sensed he was about to reach over and make his move, I felt a familiar pair of arms snake around my body. I was overwhelmed with relief and gratitude to my rescuer. The drunken creep scowled but seemed to get the message so swanned off. Thank god! Finn stepped in front of me then but his hands lingered as always. Since he'd been my little hero of the moment, I decided I'd skip the slap although he seemed to be waiting for it. His eyes kept darting down to his hands then back at me with confusion filling his expression to the brim._

"_Happy birthday!" I almost sung happily. _

_This made him smile. "Thanks Carmen."_

"_You having fun?" _

_I gestured towards the blonde now glaring at us. His smile changed to a sheepish grin. I swear he even blushed a little as if he'd not realised I was watching. In the end, he chose to completely disregard my question and ask me something instead._

"_Are you?"_

_He asked it with a hint of worry in his tone and expression. I smiled a smile that I hope appeared assuring which seemed to ease him a little._

"_I could introduce you to…"_

_Looking around for someone suitable, he ended up changing his mind._

"_Or we could dance!" I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter as he'd already pulled the glass of water from my hand and was tugging me towards the centre of the room. He was still holding my hand and started dancing awfully. I ended up spending most of the song just laughing at his dancing because it was absolutely appalling! At least he managed to put a smile on my face. I hadn't even noticed that all the attention of the room was now on us. I only recognised this when I met the deadly stare of the girl who'd been flirting with him. But even a look like hers didn't bother me as I was with my best friend on his birthday having a wonderful time._

"_Woo. I need a drink now."_

_He bent over resting his elbows on his knees as if he really were exhausted. This made me smile even wider so I just pulled him to the kitchen, grabbed a glass and started filling it with water._

"_Water? Hmm, not what I had in mind but ok."_

_When he spoke it sent shivers down my spine because I could feel how close he now was to me, his breath actually tickling my neck._

"_Do you want to be like Haymitch?"_

_I turned around with the glass and nearly dropped it when I realised how close he was to me. Our chests were almost touching each other. He reached for it and simply shook his head however I'd completely forgotten what it was I asked him. He sighed appreciatively at the water as if he'd been living in a desert for a few days. Sometimes he was such a drama queen. I rolled my eyes at him making him chuckle lightly. That noise also sent shivers through me although I'm not sure why._

"_I'm glad you're here for this birthday. It's really not the same without my best friend."_

_He had a strong look of honesty about him when he said this, so much so that it made me smile at him. The smile was returned to me._

"_Thanks. Oh and thanks for before…with that guy…"_

"_No problem. You can't blame him though; I mean you do look amazing…"_

_I feel my cheeks hot up immediately and I curse my girly emotions. Obviously he was kidding of course but for some reason it still made me feel all warm inside. Our eyes met then and his appeared so intense…_

_Out of nowhere I notice the smell of smoke fill the room causing me to look around in a hazy panic. Behind me flames dance across every surface but I don't run, no, I just freeze and watch them leap across the room in mesmerising fiery colours. It was stunning. But it was dangerous. I shifted my gaze back to Finn who was now smiling menacingly with flames swaying in his eyes. They were no longer the cool ocean green but now a hot burning orangey red. He stepped towards me and for some reason I still trusted him despite the voices telling me to run. Fire was now encircling us as it engulfed the whole room and he took another step towards me. _Run! Run! _That's what my head told me yet I ignored it. My body felt unnaturally warm now and I was really sensing the horror. Finn reached for my hand and I held it like it may actually save me. I held it right until the end when he dragged the two of us into the blaze…_

* * *

"What the hell?!"

I wake up to find myself coated in icy water and my brother grinning down on me with a now empty jug in his hand. It doesn't take me long to put the jigsaw together and as soon as I do I'm straight up. He's smart enough to run but not smart enough to realise I'm faster than him. Rye must be getting faster though. I don't catch up to him until we reach the rest of my family in the kitchen but even their piercing stares don't stop me from giving his arm a good punch. Mum never tolerates violent behaviour and always punishes us when we're vicious to each other but frankly I feel it's worth it. I'm sopping wet and probably look atrocious. In fact, one hit isn't enough; I think he deserves another. As I go to deliver my little morning gift to him, he winces and dad starts to chuckle. I stop and glare at him.

"What's so funny?" I ask in a complete bewildered state.

My family are all eying me strangely and the hairs on my skin are really on edge now. What's going on? Am I missing something? It's definitely not something bad though as they're all smiling giddily.

"Seriously dad! What is it?" He knows I hate being in the dark about stuff, especially if I'm the only one who doesn't know! I open myself to repeat my question again but then I hear the doorbell go. Who the hell is it at…I check my watch…at 8am?! None of them are making a move to get it so I sigh and stomp to the door. When opening the door, I almost pull it off its hinges with annoyance. But what stops me in my tracks is the very colourful woman standing at my door. Her hairs dyed gold with black at the edge of each curl and her eyes are also decorated with golden make-up. The outfit she wears looks like a rainbow threw up on her and it screams CAPITOL! I can't hold back my grimace at the sight.

"Mum!" I yell without taking my eyes off her. Mum appears beside me, "Why is Effie here?" I'm really scared for her answer and find it to be the worst possible one she could have given to me.

She hesitates, "For your birthday darling."

"I'll go get Haymitch so we can all talk together." She hobbles off in her too-high high heels.

"But why is she here? She doesn't usually come for my birthday."

Mum smiles apologetically before answering. "She wanted to plan you a sixteenth birthday party."

"What?! No mum, please don't! I'll do anything!"

My mother and I both share the distaste for the eccentric Effie Trinket. She's pure capitol and any event she plans will be too. Her ideas are always completely over the top and that is something I really don't like at all. Unless you've ever had anything planned by Effie you'll never understand the magnitude of crazy it will contain. I don't think I can handle it at all. I'd much rather just have a day of hunting with my mum or a simple cake from dad's bakery.

"I'm sorry sweetie. It's out of my hands."

This is going to be the worst birthday ever.

* * *

When Effie arrives back with an already drunken Haymitch, we're all gathered in the living room. I'm sat sulking on the floor and everyone else is either standing or sitting on the sofas. Effie purses her lips as if judging me then opens her mouth to mumble.

"Just like your mother. No manners at all."

"Mumbling isn't polite Effie." I sneer at her winning myself her most distasteful look. She turns and looks at my parents instead while Rose leans down and quietly whispers in my ear,

"Don't worry it can't be as bad as mum and dad's anniversary."

I stifle my laughter. Their anniversary was a miserable disaster as far as anyone with taste is concerned. I'm actually surprised mum let her plan this after that. Everything was completely over the top or as I'd call completely Effie. She had us all dressed up like Mockingjays and invited hundreds of camera men into our house as well as guests my parents barely knew. As I recall, she also invited some people they did know but didn't really care dearly for like someone called Gale. I'm not sure who that was but he was invited and mum wasn't happy about it. Afterwards she practically kicked Effie out. My thoughts were abruptly at a stop when the door went once again. I stared at Rye until he got the message and left the room to answer it. I heard a slight squeal and then footsteps. It was Fern. Fern's probably the closest thing I have to a best friend these days. We'd met not long after I was released from the hospital a year or so back and when I got back to school I met Fern. She came up to me and was saying how sorry she was to hear what'd happened to me and how awful it must have been. At first I thought she was the most irritating person I'd ever met but eventually I got used to her. She is actually quite nice and caring. I guess that's just what I needed. Actually, that's just what I still need. I used to say Finn was my best friend but considering how little time he's had for visiting me lately I guess that's not exactly what he is to me anymore.

"Happy birthday! Here's your present I…" She seems as bubbly as always. In fact she reminds me a lot of Rose in that sense. Fern is cut of mid-sentence by Effie.

"No darling. All presents must be saved until the party."

"Rude much." I mumble under my breath. Calling Effie rude is something that really gets to her as well as being rude yourself.

"Party?!" Oh no. Now she's shrieking and jumping up and down in excitement. I'm going to have to calm her down now so I drag her out of the room and into the kitchen where we're alone.

"You're having a party!? I'm so excited!"

"Yes Fern I am but believe me it's not something to be even the slightest bit excited about." I grab a cheesy bun, tear a segment off and shove it in my mouth. She rolls her eyes and turns her attention to the TV on the bench in the corner. Her hands find the remote and she studies it a minute, and then presses a button. Fern loves watching the TV here because she says it's much better than the one in her house. I suppose most of my house is since it's one from what they used to call 'the Victor's Village' back in the days of the Hunger Games. Although, it is much older than the other buildings in town as they were all rebuilt after the rebellion. I slump in the chair next to her and stare at the animated screen. She's watching Caesar Flickerman which is basically an interview show. It's also probably Fern's favourite show. Usually the interviews are done live so that the gossip is fresh but I can tell it's a re-run of an old one most likely from last week. Caesar dyed his hair again yesterday which is how I know.

"Can we not watch something else? This is an old one."

"You wouldn't want to watch it even if it weren't." She gives me a pouty face.

"I just don't understand what's so good about gossip."

"Whatever. Since it's your birthday I guess we can…"

Her mouth drops open as she stares wide eyed at the screen. I turn and I think my heart stops a little at the figure know sat to the right of Caesar. His bronze hair and sea-green eyes are unmistakeable and I think Fern's talking but I can't hear a word. No, all I hear is the words spoken on the stage…

"_So Finnick, how are you today?"_

"_I'm fine thanks. You?" He asks while winking briefly at the crowd. The girls all scream his name in longing._

"_Me? I'm fine too." He pauses and leans in a little. "I hear your modelling is going well. All the ladies" he pauses and they both listen to the screaming women of the audience "seem to adore you. You got a special lady out there?"_

I sense myself leaning in to find out the answer before realising what I'm doing.

"Can we turn this off now?"

"Why it's getting good?" Fern whines at me. "What is it with you and Finnick?"

"What?!"

"It's just whenever he's mentioned you completely block it out. Do you not like him? How can anyone not like him?"

It's not that I don't like him it's just…I don't think he likes me. It's been so long since I last saw him and he's been offered plenty times to come for a visit and everyone either him or sometimes even his mum has to report that he's 'too busy' to come. Too busy? Yeah right. He just regrets kissing me when we were leaving the hospital. I don't have time for it anymore though. I'm not going to let myself get caught up in thinking about him, especially on my birthday.

"Carmen honey?"

Dad's voice enters the kitchen and snaps me from my thoughts. He also saves me from lying to Fern again.

"Yep."

"Do you want to go meet Annie at the station? She'll be here soon by my watch and we're kind of caught up with party planning right now so we're busy."

"Annie's coming?" But not Finn.

He seems to read my thoughts as he smiles sadly, "For the party you see. Now could you please?"

"Come on Fern."

I grab her arm and make my way to the front door making sure I grab my mum's old hunting jacket as I go. She once told me it was her father's, my grandfather's, and ever since I've made it my own. We jog down the stairs and make our way towards the train station. Seeing the justice building in the corner of my eye, I can tell we'll be there soon. When the station comes into view, I see that the train hasn't arrived yet. Fern and I wait patiently along with a suspiciously large amount of people. It could well be the fact that Annie's coming because after all Annie Odair or Annie Cresta as she was known then, is a famous Victor of the Hunger Games. It doesn't take long before the train is right in front of us. The crowds growing and is seemingly very excited about the train's arrival. I try to reach for Fern but she eyes the crowd and steps back. Fine, I'll do this on my own. I start to push through the people but there's so many that I have no idea whether I'm getting anywhere. Suddenly a cheer rips through the crowd and it's so loud I feel like my ears are bleeding. Surely this can't all be for Annie? Camera crew start to push past me too and one of them knocks me to the floor with a thump. People barely notice and I start to get trampled from the excited people. What the hell is going on? I shut my eyes and decide I'm just going to have to wait until all of this dies down a bit. All of a sudden I feel a pair of muscular arms wrap around my back and legs so that whoever it is, is now carrying me. The noise of the crowd turns into mummers and gasps as we walk away from them all. Slowly I'm released onto my feet and when I open my eyes I'm met with a pair of beautiful green ones. I feel a gasp ripple through my system and up out my throat.

"You ok?" He asks with that award-winning smile.

"Yes." I whisper and jump into his arms. "Finn!" I wrap my arms around his neck and he spins me round while keeping a tight grip around my waist. A smile bursts from my face as I bury my face in his shoulder and he does the same but into my hair. When he finally releases me I notice that his eyes aren't the only thing now trained on my face.

* * *

_**A/N **Awww he's back! God I love Finn..._

_ME4427_


	10. Carrying On

**_A/N _**_Sorry it's been so long to wait! I've been dead busy with homework and crap. Anyway, I'm updating BOTH of my stories today so check them BOTH out. Also I'm sorry that this chapter's so short but I'm working on a couple of other stories right now, most being Hunger Games so look out for those._

_Thanks to **Katris Mellark** for reviewing Chapter 1 and I know (after your comment) your probably not reading this but oh well! I'm still thanking you. The imput was nice and honestly I swear I'm not being sacastic I am grateful for all comments.__Thanks to __**Danni & Randomnerdygirl **for reviewing too._

_Thanks to **Pandawangchuk** & **MsRose91** for favouriting and following and **doodle10** for following. :D_

_Thanks to everyone reading!_

_ME4427_

* * *

_10. Carrying On_

[Finn's POV]

As our welcome embrace comes to an end we both look around the crowd now encircling us. All of their eyes, and cameras, seem to be trained directly on both of our faces. To be honest it's a relief in a way because for once, the cameras and stares aren't all focused on me. No, now I'm sharing the limelight although I don't think Carmen's as pleased about this as I am. Her face shows it all. A crimson tinge now clings to her cheeks and her eyes are averted towards our feet at the ground. As I look at her feet I can't help but stare at what I see; at first glance her ankle appears, although I'm no sort of healer, quite badly twisted. It actually explains why she's standing so weirdly.

_FLASH FLASH_

I ignore the aggressive behaviour of the cameras and their supervisors. Instead my focus is entirely on Carmen's ankle and I know she's going to kill me for what I'm about to do but it needs to be done.

"Carmen your ankle…" I gesture towards it and she's about to say something but I don't let her finish. As an alternative, I provide the cameras exactly what they're searching for, a story and a picture to go with it.

"Come here darling," I make sure my voice is loud enough for the camera and give the crowd of adoring fans a cute signature wink. _That'll keep 'em busy for a little while!_ Before she's given the chance to respond or quiz me, I whip her off her feet and into my arms, placing my suitcase on her lap. Her face is priceless! Complete and utter shock with a hint of mortification! I stifle my chuckle but I can't hide the smile that creeps its way up my lips. We wade our way through the stunned faces of my envious followers and are heading towards her house when she first starts fighting my grip.

"Put me down Finn! Now!"

"Nope." Short and sweet just like Carmen.

"Finn!"

"Your ankle is twisted and unless you want me to…"

She interjects my rant, "I need to get my friend Fern."

"Fern?"

I sigh loudly and overly dramatic intentionally. Turning around to find _Fern_, I still refuse to put her down. Who's Fern? Maybe she made this person up so I'd have to put her down. If I'm honest that's the most likely of answers considering how unsociable she is around the majority of people. I am, as far as I'm aware, the only friend she really has and I like that, not that I don't want her to have friends, it's just...complicated.

"Where the hell is this girl?" I asked curiously. But basically I was saying _'Is she real?'_

She scans the area from a minute, pauses and looks directly at me. I feel myself pause too and it takes me a minute to get my thoughts back together.

"I don't know." Her brow furrows and it's actually quite cute. I always love it when she…no I _like_ it when she looks like that. Confusion is definitely an emotion she suits if you can suit an emotion that is.

"Hmm."

"Maybe she's back at the house…?" Fine to the house it is! We walk through town. There are not many people about considering we left the majority of district twelve stunned at the train station, but those we do see just stop and stare. I'm kind of used to it now though. For me, it's something that now happens on a regular basis and don't get me wrong I don't dislike the publicity as such but I'm not all cocky about it either. I just give them what they want: me. The only person I really want to pay me any attention is Carmen and I know I've not really shown it in the past year or so but it is true. It's not like I avoided her on purpose; I mean it wasn't unintentional though. I had a good reason though! Anyways, the priority is getting Carmen safely back home in as close to one piece as I can. She always did manage to hurt herself in some sort of a way and I'd always take pity on her even if prior to the injury, I'd been a bit irritated with her. Like the time when I was annoyed because of how she reacted to something pretty trivial but it still stung. She then fell over and hurt herself so I had to be the one to carry her all the way home. It happened a lot to be honest, in fact almost every time I'd actually felt exasperated with her, she'd somehow or other become wounded… I'm starting to think it's not so much a coincidence.

Whilst walking through the square, I'm glad that they seem to have rebuilt a lot of what was destroyed the last time I was here. Just thinking about everything that's happened here simply makes nervous shivers tremor in my system. Anyway, it's good to see that all the buildings, or at least most of them, have been well reconstructed so they look like nothing ever happened here. I wish nothing had. When we pass _Mellark Bakery_, I can't help but smile a little at all the good memories me and Carmen have in there. Often when I'd come down here for a visit we'd have to do a shift or two at the bakery because someone had to be there to supervise Rye and make bread. Although I don't think either of us were really very focused. I actually don't remember even making any bread…

* * *

"_Come on help me will you."_

_Sometimes she could be so bossy but for some reason I liked that._

"_Ok fine. What do you need me to do?"_

"_Go get the flour please."_

"_Ok sunflower, be right back." She rolled her eyes at my play on words and the fact I called her a flower. I stepped swiftly into the back of the shop to collect the flour. Today, it was just me and Carmen at the bakery because Rye was off at some sort of club, Katniss was tending to Rose at home and Peeta was looking after her because he couldn't help being around her when she was pregnant. I wondered whether it'd be a girl or a boy…_

_I got the flour and headed back in so Carmen could make the bread. I didn't just hand it to her though; I chose to play around a little. Her back was to me as I stretched my hand in to the bag of flour. As I removed it, I admired the coat of flour it now had. I was quiet as I crept up behind Carmen and slow as I reached my hand forward. Just as she was about to look up, I wiped my hand right across her face._

"_Finn! What the hell?"_

_She whipped around so fast that I didn't have a chance to move back a little so her arm knocked into the bag in my hand causing flour to explode all of the two of us and a lot of the bakery. She stared furiously for a minute before she burst out laughing and I joined her. I thought that was all I'd get covered in but I was wrong. The realisation of this came as soon as I felt a cake hit me in the face. Icing smeared down my cheek and the cake dropped to the floor as the room filled with her mocking laugh. She was going to pay for that one! I scooped up a few cupcakes and hauled the first at her but she dodged it by ducking behind the counter. My failure just made her life come even stronger. God what I wouldn't do to hear that sound more. Another cupcake comes my way. Another goes her way. Neither of us were hit. In the end I just leapt forward and smushed it right on her forehead to be sure she got cupcake remains on her. It had turned into an all-out war but a fun one at that! There was nothing remotely serious about it at all. We didn't even notice that we'd been joined in the store until someone cleared their throat purposefully to get our attention. At that we turned to face the awkward stare of an old man from the Seam. I could tell by his signature grey eyes. The people who lived in the seam tended to have dark hair and grey eyes (like Carmen's mum) and the people from the town in twelve generally had blonde hair and blue eyes (like Carmen's dad) but she was completely unique- a mix of the two._

_Carmen served the customer as if nothing had happened which gave me a satisfied smirk. She was coated in white now and she had icing all over her head and even a little in her hair. I probably looked the same but I don't think I could honestly care less…_

* * *

We reach her house as my flashback of thoughts ends. I lift her up the porch and through the door to the hallway of her house. I'm surprised her family didn't send out a search party for her by now considering how long it took to get back here. I felt myself stop and gaze around the hall. I hadn't been here in so long because last time I'd come for a visit, I never made it past the square. The walls are telling the story of each of her and her siblings' lives as covering the walls are photographs and paintings of significant events in their lives. My eyes instantly focus in on the ones I've missed in my selfish year and a half. There's one of Rose at what appears to be a birthday, Willow by the lake in the woods and one of Rye winning some sort of competition. But my attention isn't really on these pieces of artwork of the children I've not seen in so long. No, my eyes are zoomed on one of Carmen and some boy who's got his arm around her. This hurts me. Obviously it's just because she was always so funny about me and her having any sort of physical contact with her. Nothing else. Just that.

I move quickly away from the picture but it's still captured perfectly inside my mind. I don't think it'll ever escape from my thoughts now. Together we move swiftly into the sitting room and I lay her gently on the couch without bothering to think about the people in the room with us.

"Finn honestly I'm fine there's…"

I interrupt and turn towards her parents and Effie whom I try not to grimace at the sight of.

"From the looks of it she's twisted her ankle and she can't walk on…"

"No. I could you just didn't give me the chance."

She boots my suitcase onto the floor with a thud.

"She'll be fine!" Katniss dismisses it and runs to me with open arms, "It's great to see you again!"

"Yes it's such a shame you've been so busy…" Peeta embraces me too and it's a nice little family reunion. I swear I hear Carmen scoff but I don't get the chance to comment on it,

"Come on people. We need to make sure she can walk by tonight so she's going to have to get _that_ seen to." Of course leave it to Effie to only think of her party. We pull away and I run to help Carmen stand up but she just glares at me. I'm certain not long ago she was hugging me like we were the best of friends.

"AHHHH!"

Ok my ears are definitely bleeding now. That was the loudest scream I've ever heard in my life! I turn to meet the shocked, yet very excited, face of a pale blonde girl…

"Fern?"

* * *

_**A/N **Please review, PM, follow, favourite and well just keep reading! I love you all! :D_

_ME4427_


	11. Party Preparations

_**A/N **First off I'm sorry it's been so long since I uploaded anything but in my defence it's much easier to write when I'm happy and recently I've not been too happy (various things including doing bad on science tests, recieving racial abuse and losing my friends so yeah I'm not a happy bunny)! Anyway, thanks for reviews and stuffs..._

_ME4427_

* * *

11. Party Preparations

"Fern?" I ask. Is this the friend she's been talking about?

"AHHHHH!" She screeches again!

Ok so I guess I'm not getting an answer to my question. If she is the Fern then she's certainly not what I was expecting. From what I've gathered she is nothing like Carmen because firstly, when would Carmen ever make the noise that has recurrently come from this girl's mouth? Never. But it isn't even just what I've gotten from her personality either. She looks almost the opposite of Carmen too. Clearly she's not from the Seam as she has the town's signature blonde hair and blue eyes but she still looks different to the other people about district twelve. Hints of bronze compliment the waves of her hair which kind of makes me think maybe she's not originally from round here, maybe she's a district one.

As I snap out of my thoughts I'm met with a pair of staring eyes.

"Fern, this is my friend Finn. Finn this is…" Carmen starts to introduce us but is interrupted by the screaming girl.

"Oh my god!" I think that's the first set of actual words I've heard her spoke since she got here. "FINN ODAIR! AHHHH!"

"It's nice to meet you Fern."

And then she faints.

But I catch her just before she reaches the floor.

"Fern!" Carmen exclaims from beside me. She reaches forward too but I reach Fern first.

"She'll be fine. Come on people! We need to start getting ready!" Trust Effie to only care about one thing. I scoop Fern up and lay her on the other couch that isn't occupied by Carmen. Then I go straight over to Carmen and scoop her up too. This time she only struggles a little instead of complaining, as we make our way over to the front of the house with the others closely following. Katniss stays with Fern but Effie and Peeta are keen to come with. I wonder where Rose, Rye and Willow have gotten too. I haven't seen them in ages either but I find out as Rose sprints down the stairs and slams into me. She wraps her little arms around my waist tightly.

"FINN!" It's pretty muffled but I get how excited she is. Carmen and I often looked after her when she was little as well as her other siblings. Although, Rose doesn't look that little anymore. I hear Effie sigh and then she pushes me forward forcing Rose to let go of me. It's a shame I didn't get to see the other siblings; I liked talking to Rye because he seemed to admire me and Willow was just the cutest thing alive besides Carmen of course. We walk down the porch and start making our way towards the district hospital where I really don't have the best memories. However, before we get anywhere near our destination of choice, we're swarmed with tons of cameramen and my _fans_.

FLASH FLASH

I try to weave my way through the crowd of people but I can't get through them very easily and I can feel the embarrassment radiating off of Carmen right now. Her face is buried in my shoulder as she tries to block them all out.

FLASH FLASH

The crowd's screams are really deafening and the flashes of the cameras are blinding.

FLASH FLASH

"Is it true that you and Carmen are in a relationship?"

_I wish._

"What is it that compelled you to return to twelve?"

_What do you think?_

"What's happened to her? Is it serious?"

_If I say yes will you get out my face?_

"Was the injury another act from Ultionem Snow?"

_No, it was just you guys._

"Who's invited to the party today?"

_How would I know?_

"Carmen, is it true that you are currently in a relationship?"

_God I hope not!_

FLASH FLASH

I don't give them any replies to their interrogation but instead wade my way through the crowd and quickly over to the hospital. I should probably stop to check that the others are still there but I don't, instead I go straight inside and over to the desk. Carmen no longer has her face tucked neatly into me but is now looking directly at me. When I catch her she doesn't even flinch so we just stay there in a trance staring at each other for a minute. Once I regain my composure, I flash a brief smile (one that she doesn't return for some reason) and then turn towards the disbelieved woman at the desk.

* * *

Once Carmen's ankle is as good as new, we make our way from the hospital. It hasn't been a nice experience because that place just brought back the worst of memories. When we were in there it'd all come back to me and I felt really unnerved. Carmen on the other hand didn't even seem fazed by the experience; in fact she was in her own little world the whole time.

"Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you come back?"

I turn to her but she refuses to meet my eye. So I stop and gently lift her chin up so our eyes meet.

"What do you mean? I'm here!"

"That's not what I meant."

She tries to look away again but I don't let her.

"So what did you mean?"

"Why didn't you come back before now?"

Now I'm the embarrassed one. "I was busy…" I don't meet her eyes now.

"Busy?"

Is she really going to make me say it?

"Yes." I mumble.

"Busy. Hmm…"

We walk the rest of the way in silence. I'm just glad that she chose to drop the subject because I really didn't feel like going into detail about my escapades. When we reach her house I'm almost immediately whisked away by Effie and into the other house. Because both her parents won the Hunger Games they both received a house at the Victor Village but all her family live in the one house so they use the other one for guests and Effie's extravagant parties. I roughly shoved through the door and I don't even get a chance to look at the newly decorated room before being thrust into another room. I'm surrounded by racks and racks of clothes which I can only presume are all for me to try on. I internally groan. This is going to take a while. Some of the outfit combinations are absolutely awful and very Capitol. It actually makes me pity Carmen because I'm used to this as I'm a Capitol model but Carmen…well she hates anything even slightly Capitol. I'm surprised she doesn't hate me. Wait, does she? That would explain a bit.

"I'm going to help Carmen. If you need anything come find me darling."

And with that I'm on my own with a load of tuxes.

The first thing I'm made to try on is a shining turquoise suit which actually makes me want to throw-up. It's hideous! It takes me ages to find anything even half decent and even then I wouldn't want to wear it in front of people. I keep trying them on and one-by-one they seem to get worse and worse. I get aluminous outfits, transparent ones, feathery ones etc. Finally, on the verge of quitting, I find something I could actually call fashionable. It is a pair of simple tight black trousers, a bland white shirt and a grey suit-jacket with green tinges to the rolled-up sleeves. Yep, this is the one I'm wearing whether Effie likes it or not.

Once I'm dressed I go out and find myself alone in the house. I long for a bit of company so I head out and over to the main house.

"Finny!" Screeches an excited Willow. I've missed her quite a lot so I pick her up and swing around which makes her giggle.

"Why hello there baby-bird!" My use of her nickname makes her laugh harder. She wraps her tiny little arms around my neck and I hug her tighter.

"Be careful! Effie'll kill you if anything happens to that dress!" Peeta chuckles as he walks past into the living room. I put Willow down because if I know Effie at all then that's completely truthful.

"I missed my Finny!"

"And I missed my little bird!"

She beams up at me before running after her dad. I guess I won't be seeing Rye until the party. My guess is that Carmen is upstairs being pampered to death by Effie so I head up to see how she's doing. I'm about to knock on the door to her room when I hear her voice yelling.

"I am not wearing that Effie!"

I stifle my urge to laugh out loud. Deciding I shouldn't get involved, I turn around but before I can leave Effie emerges and sees that I'm ready.

"Well don't we look stunning?" She beams. "Since you're ready do mind going to assist Haymitch."

"You want me to help get him in a suit?"

"Yes and possibly…clean him up a little." That's code for wipe the sick off him. Lovely. What a fun day? I comply though seeing as Effie's tetchy enough.

* * *

"Haymitch?"

His house is in complete darkness probably due to the fact he has a hangover and can't stand light. That's the second time I've called his name and he's still not replied. He's probably sleeping. I make my way to his kitchen, turning on all the lights as I go. As I reach the doorway I'm met with a foul sight and a putrid smell. Haymitch is fast asleep on the table in his own vomit with a knife clutched protectively in his hand. He always keeps it with him for security measures. The room itself is also in pretty bad shape as there's who-knows-what all over the walls and bottles scattered across the floor and benches. This is not going to be a nice job. I go over to him and shake him gently as to not startle him else I'll get a good stab. He's pretty good with a knife as I recall. When he finally surfaces from his slumber he waves his knife a bit at me but I dodge so he doesn't catch me.

"Haymitch it's me, Finn!"

"I know kid. Why else would I be trying to stab you?"

"Thanks Haymitch." I reply sarcastically.

He thankfully sets the knife down on one of the only unoccupied spaces and starts to reach for some more liquor.

"Not so fast mister!" He stops but glares at me as if to say '_yeah and why not?'_ "Effie's got a party planned and you…"

He cuts me off, "What's this one for?"

"Carmen's birthday!" God this guy's hopeless!

"How old is she know?"

"Sixteen! Now come on I've got to get you dressed!"

"Oh no you won't kid! I'll do it myself."

He goes and gets in the shower. Whilst he's occupied, I can't help but start to tidy up the place a bit. How can he live like this? It's disgusting. I've made quite the difference by the time he returns downstairs looking as close to presentable as possible for a drunken old man. I check my watch and it tells me that the party should've started already. How long did he take?

"Come on."

"Let's get this over with!" He says almost cheerfully.

We slowly make our way over to the house next door but I almost stop at the sight of people. There's a huge crowd of at least forty people walking up the lane all seemingly heading to the same place as us. How many people did Effie invite? I can bet that Carmen only knows ten per cent of the guests here's names. Some of the people look to be Capitol citizens but there are others who are definitely not. We join the crowd and make our way inside. This time I have the time to admire the decorations in the room as Haymitch leaves me and heads straight to the bar. The place is covered in streamers and balloons with a banner above the staircase saying 'Happy Birthday Carmen'. I'm positive that she'll hate all of this. It's very over the top. I make my way over to the staircase and lean against it as I scan the room for her.

"Sorry about earlier." I turn and meet Carmen's friend Fern.

"It's okay." I continue my search for her.

"It's just…well it was unexpected."

"Hmm." I am barely listening. Where's Carmen?

"But it's funny cos we were watching you on the TV right before…"

Now I'm paying attention. "You were what?"

"Watching you on TV. You were talking to Caesar Flickerman about…"

"And Carmen was watching too?" I ask warily.

"Yep but she made me turn it off after a bit."

This is not good. "How much did you watch?"

"Em…" She pauses for thought. "I'm not sure, not too much though."

"But up to what point?" I am frustrated now.

"He asked you something to do with girls I think…" She trails off.

"Yeah well there was a lot about girls. Come on this is important!"

"Why?"

She just had to ask me that. Why? Such a simple question for some; such a complex question for me. How can I answer that? Maybe I could be honest and say _'because I wasn't thinking and I said stuff that I shouldn't have'_. No I can't exactly say that can I? I also can't say _'because I started all these me and Carmen rumours'_ because then Carmen would find out. Oh how to answer! I open my mouth for a response but no words come out because I become completely lost within myself when I see the thing I've been searching hard for. I found her.

Perched at the top of the stairs is Carmen looking absolutely stunning.

I don't even care that my mouth is wide open.

I don't even care that I'm staring.

I don't even care that she catches me.

I don't even care who hears what I say next…

"Wow…"

* * *

_**A/N **Hope you liked it! It took a lot of happy music for me to write that! Btw, I'm probs not updating my other stories today cos I'm tired, sad and I have art homework to do for tomorrow so yeah..._

_Please review, PM, favourite, follow, check out my other stories etc._

_ME4427_


	12. Sixteen Today

_**A/N **Hi my lovely readers! Ok first off I'm soooo sorry that its been so long since my last update but I had a WHOLE WEEK of tests literally so I was pretty busy. I do apologise so here is the next chapter. It was originally supposed to be longer but I've decided to do the stuff that isn't but was supposed to be in this chapter in the next one which I'm in the process of writing so I'll try to get that to you ASAP!_

_Yeah so I'm tired right now so thanks to all the people who read, review, PM me, favourite, follow and well just like it! Please continue your support cos it's much appreciated!_

_ME4427_

* * *

12. Sixteen Today

[Carmen's POV]

"Really Effie?" I tug at the frills on the hideous dress now draped over my skin. How can anyone honestly think _this_ looks even relatively fashionable? I mean, I don't know much about fashion but if I know one thing then it's that this is the farthest thing from stylish imaginable.

"Darling you look positively…" She squeals a little as she searches for the word "…gorgeous!" Kill me now!

"I think my dad would throw an absolute fit if he saw me in this Effie." I try to reason. Obviously this is actually one of the more modest of choices available but I may still be able to get something relatively nicer. My mind drifts to Finn and I begin to wonder what he's doing right now, whatever it is I bet it's more enjoyable than my current situation.

"Well it's not up to him is it?" Unfortunately she has a point.

"I suppose not."

"Now if only we knew what Finn picked out…" What? She's dressing Finn up like a little doll too? I smirk at the very thought except in my imagination he's trying on individually each of the dresses around me. She rambles on, "…then we could get the two of you too match…" Ah! I've discovered my angle. My eyes seek out the plainest dress among the pack and then I conjure up an idea of how to get it.

"Well if I know Finn at all then he'll choose a plain black and white tux." I turn away from her as I lie because just like my mother, my face will give away the game.

"Really? Ooh! Then how about this one?"

"Perfect."

"Perfect indeed." She agrees thoughtfully.

I scramble out of the disaster I'm currently dressed in, and slip on the sleek white dress. Most of the ones Effie picked out are coated in feathers, glitter, sequins and frills none of which I like yet this is completely different. In fact, it doesn't fit with the others in the slightest…It has beautiful frosted transparent surfaces draped up the skirt and a simple backdrop to it. When I emerge from the bathroom, because I refused to change in front of her, I almost stop and stare at the girl I meet in the mirror. Surely that can't be me for she is far too beautiful. The nasty scars I received a while ago have faded to light pink grazes so are barely visible and my hair has been pinned back by my mother in some sort of plaited pattern. Even my silhouette forming from the lights is too pretty to possibly be me; her figure is far too perfect.

"Now to complete the outfit…" She holds out a feathered pink wrap to which I stare disbelieving for a moment before I realise that she is being completely serious.

"I am not wearing that Effie!" I snap. Just then we hear some sort of chuckle from outside to which Effie goes to investigate for I'm not allowed to be seen yet. The voices are muffled but I can pick out the high shrill of Effie and a deeper voice I know owe so well. Finn.

"Well don't we look stunning? Since you're ready do you mind going to assist Haymitch?"

"You want me to help get him in a suit?"

"Yes and possibly…clean him up a little." Now it's my turn to stifle a laugh. He has to clean up my drunken Grandpa! Good luck with that! She slips back into the room, eyes me up and completely flips.

"Oh no! You can't wear that now!" She's walking back and forth deep in thought.

"Oh yeah and why not? It's my birthday!"

"It simply doesn't match Finn's."

"So? Why can't he change?" I challenge.

"He's gone now. Will you just change?"

"No."

She mumbles so I can't hear but I catch it all. "As stubborn as your mother."

"It's rude to mumble." I quote her from earlier with a signature smirk.

"Fine."

* * *

When I walk out of the bedroom, I stumble a few times from the heels I'm wearing. It actually makes me slightly regret turning down Effie's offer to teach me properly like she did my mother. I manage to make it to the stairs where I stop and stare. Effie's giving me some sort of message or instruction but I take no notice of her whatsoever and I have no such desire to do so. The party is already in full swing and decorations are streaming the walls. I can't help wonder exactly how long it took her to put all of this together. I scan the room for people and my eyes land on Fern speaking with Finn. What are they discussing? Finn looks a tad worried by something and I really regret leaving the two alone considering how head-over-heels she is for him. I'm about to go over to them when Effie catches my arm in her Eagle grip.

"Did you listen to a word I just said?"

"Nope." Honesty is the best policy.

She sighs melodramatically, "I _said_ that the dress your wearing has more to it than it looks."

"What is it going to burst into flames?" I laugh.

"Actually yes." My laughter cuts off abruptly. I start to go into a panic attack! Ever since the _incident_ I am petrified of flames although I've never actually told anyone. Anything to do with fire or burning…and she's going to light me up like a candle!

"Are you alright?"

"Carmen?"

"Darling!"

The voices swirl and echo in my head like it's filled with nothingness. The room and faces around me start to swirl and I start to feel like I may throw up soon. My legs are about to buckle when a firm arm wraps tightly around me anchoring me in place. The world returns back to normal but I can still see a few worried expressions. I glance to my left and find Finn offering me a wary smile.

"Clearly someone's already started on the drink!" He laughs awkwardly and pulls me away from the worried expressions. Once we're fully out of earshot he begins the interrogation,

"Are you ok? What happened?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fiiiinnnneee…" I wobble a little as I'm still partly unsteady and the word seems to elongate.

I'm not sure I convinced him at all. "You sure? You look a little pale…"

"I'm perfectly good."

"Clearly you're delusional because you're very far from it. Maybe you have started on the drink."

"Finn honestly I'm…."

A familiar voice interrupts me mid-sentence. "Carmen!"

"Hey…" I say warily.

"Who's this?" He points rudely to Finn but I ignore it for now.

"Em, this is my friend Finn and Finn," I gesture to the boy standing awfully close now, "This is Hunter."

"Hunter?"

"Yep, Hunter Hawthorne."

Finn gives him an almost genuine smile and says "Well then, nice to meet you Hunter."

"Yeah, yeah. So anyway, happy birthday sweetie!" I notice Finn raise his eyebrows silently but I think it's the end of it or at least I hope so. Hunter embraces me and I can't help but realise how much warmer Finn's hugs are. It actually makes me feel guilty that I even think such a thing but his always seem more meaningful, less forced. Eventually he pulls away from me and I swear I see him give a brief glare Finn's way.

"So how exactly do you know _my_ girlfriend?" He over emphasises the word my and I internally cringe at the word girlfriend. It's actually a long story how I ended up in this relationship, in fact, it was almost accidental.

"Girlfriend?" Disbelief colours his voice.

"Yes." His face is slapped with a smug grin and I so badly want to knock it right off. Why must we have this conversation now? Then again, why does it bother me so much?

"We were friends since we were kids I guess; our parents were old friends so it just kind of happened."

"Were friends?"

"Well…" He looks at me then and I can see the almost pained splash in them. Have I hurt him in some way? "I suppose I wasn't the best friend in the world this last year-or-so…"

"So I heard. You were what? _Busy?_" He sneers. I've never seen this side of him before and I don't like it especially when it's targeted at my best friend.

"Something like that…" He mumbles in a barely audible volume.

"With what?"

"Stuff."

"Stuff?"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARRIE!" Fern screams right behind me causing me to jump out of my skin. Although, I have to thank her for ending such an awful situation because things here were getting pretty tense. Generally, I'm pretty glad that we're friends because she always manages to come along at exactly the right point and do exactly the right thing.

"Oh hey Clematis! Good timing!" Hunter says sarcastically; perhaps he's disappointed he couldn't grill Finn some more.

"Yeah well I do always come along when you need me, right Carmen?"

"Definitely."

"I always come! Hey! That's what the 'C' in my middle-name can stand for!"

"I thought your middle-name was Balearica?" Hunter asks in confusion.

"It's doofus!"

"Oh."

"I've just remembered! I NEED to show you this plant I saw its sooooooo coooooool!" She shrieks at excitement and, before he can even question why she needs to show him a plant, she pulls him away from us with a wink to me. I'm really thankful that she can act or at least well enough to fool Hunter. Sometimes he can be a bit of a jerk and that was a prime example of such an occasion however I really don't understand what the hell his problem is with Finn. The weirdest thing is that the rest of his family is perfectly nice: his mum, his dad (Vick) and his four other siblings.

"You have a boyfriend?"

"Well duh! You just met him genius!" I decide to do what I do best in sticky situations: distract. I clutch his strong hand and tug him towards the dancefloor. He doesn't complain; he simply comes with complete trust in me. His hands are in my control entirely so I gently raise his other one and hold it in mine. We sway slightly and until the point when he chooses to spin me round, I'd forgotten about how fearsome I am of this dress. As soon as I begin to turn the dress erupts into fierce flames and seemingly burns the dress to a coal black tone.

"Oh my god…" He says in astonishment.

He spins me round again and the dress goes back to white through the crisp burning of the flames. They don't leave the slightest mark on me and aren't even hot but it still won't cease my distress. In fact, the flames are actually quite beautiful with the way the light glints of them. I can feel everyone in the rooms piercing eyes on the back of my neck but at this moment, I do not care.

I am spun again. And again. And again.

I feel like the dancing swirling figure on Rose's jewellery box or a ribbon being looped over and over to form the bow. I quite like it until it makes me feel queasy and dizzy. Eventually I can't take another turn so I fall forwards into Finn's stone chest to save myself from his spinning craze.

"If you spin me again I swear this room will get another decoration and it won't be a pretty one!"

He laughs softly, something I adore hearing, before giving a response.

"Sorry it was just…mesmerising…"

"But terrifying." I whisper but I think he catches it as he looks about to respond when Effie shifts us apart by running in between us in her prissy little heels. She claps her hands together and lets out a mouse squeal.

"That was absolutely gorgeous! Now time for presents I think…"

* * *

I sit among a lot of crumpled paper that once hid my presents from my sight. It hadn't taken me long at all to open all the presents these strangers gave me especially when Willow got excited and decided to help me. She started tearing into everything like a wild animal and I barely got a glimpse of the present before she tossed it aside and started on a new one. We giggled the whole time. Overall the presents I got were quite good probably because it was my sixteenth but still. Some of the Capitol freaks got me some of their choices in fashion but at least I have some things Rose's cat to shred that means nothing to me. I also got a new paints set which I'll definitely be using if Rye doesn't steal them first because we both have our father's talent for painting (me more so than him in my opinion).

"Having fun there are we?"

"I suppose I am but…I haven't seen one from you yet Finny!"

"About that…follow me."

I emerge from my pile with the helping hand of his. We make our way across the room managing to avoid contact with most of the unknown guests but we don't manage to dodge Finn's '_fans'. _They swarm him like bees and I'm shoved from their encircling of him. I would have barged through since this is _my_ birthday not there's but a sharp tug on my arm takes my focus from my friend being mauled by the insects. I'm tugged backwards into a darkened room but a bright light suddenly bursts through the dark vessel, almost burning my eyes in the process.

"I have a present for you." Hunter whispers seductively in my ear while his strong cologne almost makes me gag. How did I not notice this earlier?

"Really and what's that?"

"Me." The cheesy line makes me sick. He thrusts me roughly into the sunset wall and I almost yelp as a wall light jabs me unexpectedly in the back. His hands run all over me and I start to feel a bit uncomfortable.

"Hunter stop."

"Why?"

"You're making me uncomfortable."

Fern bursts into the room again in perfect timing. She eyes the two of us as if judging whether to stay but she must catch my pleading expression because she plants her feet firmly on the ground.

"Oi Hawthorne quit stealing my Carrie!" And with that I'm dragged back into the party but this time there's no more Finn. I hope those girls haven't attacked him too much. Fern and I dance goofily on the dancefloor to the music for the rest of the party without much of a care in the world. I completely forget that I should be mingling with my party goers and looking for Finn. Instead, for once, I leave everything and just have fun with my best friend while Effie's extravagant ideas go off in the background with a boom!

* * *

_**A/N** Something to look out for - I am in the process of writing a story about Finnick Odair during Annie Cresta's games (cos I love 'em both for giving me Finn) so just look out for it. At the moment it's called 'With Those Teardrop Eyes' but it may change..._

_ME4427_

_Ps. I love you all very much 3_


	13. Capitol Scum and Sleepless Nights

_**A/N **To make up for my previous absence I'm updating another chapter. I think you get more of a look at **what Finn is really like** (a pretty depressed person at times), **what he feels for Carmen**, **what he did in his free time** (that's a hilarious pun that you won't get til later on) and **what he thinks of the Capitol** (look at the name of the chapter). For those of you who are wondering no Carmen and Hunter don't break up in this chapter but they will soon; this chapter had to come first. I quite liked writing this chapter cos I got to write about **Capitol parties** which was fun..._

_Anyway thanks to **CaptainEKO** for reviewing the last chapter and **Lb** for reading the whole story._

**_Lb- Don't worry I will keep writing and sorry they didn't get together in chapter 12 but it's coming!_**

**_CaptainEKO- Again, it's coming, it's coming!_**

_Enjoy..._

_ME427_

_Ps. I got a bit of inspiration from the party scenes in The Great Gatsby! (Awesome film btw)_

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13. Capitol Scum and Sleepless Nights

[Finn's POV]

I manage to make my way away from the very clingy and touchy ladies at Carmen's party. I really feel like going straight to bed but unfortunately the party's in full swing and I'm supposed to be sleeping in one of the rooms here in the guest house. I doubt that I'd be able to get to sleep here anytime soon. For now, I'll just try and have a good time until this party seems to die down a touch. The noise blasts and echoes through the large open space ducking under each archway to fill the whole house. People swarm the area all dancing wildly to the tunes seemingly without care in the world. I can't help wonder if this is what parties are generally like back in the Capitol because sure I've been to plenty in my time there but I usually end up so drunk that I don't really remember the extent of it. Truth be told, I only ever remember glimpses and they're always of my darkest moments, the ones I attempt to forget whilst the rest of Panem never ceases to remind me of. The memories start to come back so I head over to the bar and take a swig of the first drink in sight. I promise myself there and then that I will not let myself get too drunk because I've given up those days of my life for Carmen and to go back to such activities on her birthday is not thinkable.

"Care to dance?"

The words come from some Capitol scum bag that looks considerably older than my mother; she sickens me. These are the people I would always avoid no matter how drunk, I'd only ever look at girls who were close to my age. How could people that old want such things of me? They should see me as a child but to them I'm simply a toy that they play some twisted games with.

"No thanks." I reply and wave her off with one hand while grabbing another drink with the other.

"Why not?"

She presses herself up against my back causing me to choke slightly on my drink. I hope to god no cameras are watching this else they'll get the wrong idea but more importantly, I hope Carmen isn't paying attention to this. I slip quickly out from under her, keen to get away.

"I'm just not interested is all."

"Really? You've never been one to turn down the ladies." Her perfume lingers in my throat and makes me queasy with the strong scent.

"Those days are over."

I try to move around her but her claws push me back against the counter with shear force willing me immobile. I squirm beneath her grasp but she pays no interest in my attempts. Anger racks my body; do these people not understand the word no? Since they're Capitol scum I presume not. I say what I've wanted to say for a while now without actually thinking through the consequences.

"I'm not interested so leave me alone." She's about to interrupt but I'm not done. "There's nothing you can say to change my mind because I don't want to be with any of you people. The one girl I do actually like will never pay any attention to me now because she sees me like I'm one of you!" I pause for a quick breath before continuing my rant, "Every time I was with one of _you_, I was thinking about her ok? So just go away and let me be!" And she did leave me alone after that. Oh well, that'll most likely be in all the magazines tomorrow.

A firework bursting into a million pieces behind me makes me jump out of my skin. I knew Effie was extravagant but that…? The lights streaming catch something shimmering in the centre of the room and when my eyes search for the beautiful target I find what I've been looking for. There, dancing wildly is Carmen in her stunning dress with her friend Fern at her side. A smile breaks through my exterior and inside my heart stammers at the sight of her. Each time she moves the dress sparks flames but when she turns it erupts in burning flames. Mesmerizing. I'm glad to see that that jerk of a boyfriend, Hunter, isn't with her. Why on earth is she dating him? I make the decision to leave her be with Fern partly because she hasn't seen much of her today and partly because I'm too tired. When will these people leave and let me succumb to slumber?

The fireworks continue in the background and the party's booming in here. People everywhere are singing, dancing and getting drunk. Sounds just like the Capitol to me. Fed up and exhausted, I opt to just go nap on the couch in the main house at least until this place is cleared out but possibly all night as I'm not sure I want to go to sleep in a bed there as who knows what's gone on. Dodging people, I make it out outside into the cool night air and I'm almost completely away when I hear someone running after me. _Please don't be that lady again._ I'm taken by surprise when I'm spun around by a tight grip on my forearm but I'm happy that I don't feel any claws.

"Where you going?" I'm met with Carmen's beautifully blue eyes. I almost loose myself in them which makes me think maybe I did have too much to drink tonight.

"I'm pretty tired; I was just going to lie down."

"Oh. I always thought you were a party boy." She teases.

_I was_ I think but I don't say it. As an alternative, I simply shrug.

"Ok. But where are you going to sleep over there?"

"The couch?"

She does a little thoughtful pout which makes me suppress a laugh. It's just too cute. "Why don't you sleep in my bed?"

"Because you need somewhere to sleep." Perhaps I'm not the only one drinking.

"It's big enough for two." Am I dreaming? Surely she did not just say that!

"Don't you think your dad would throw a fit? Or maybe that boyfriend of yours?"

"Just go."

She gives me a light push and skips back to the party. I know for a fact that she was just being polite and didn't really want me to sleep there so when I get into the main house, I search for a blanket to make a temporary bed on the sofa. The silence is like a cold relief and the darkness rather than strobe lights is certainly a welcome change. I don't even bother to turn a light on. Eventually, after much searching, I find a cupboard full to the brim with sheets so I take one cushion and a thickish blanket (as the weather here isn't what I'm used to because district 4 is much warmer). I lay them down and curl up underneath with pleasure that the couch is softer than expected. My eyes gently slip closed and I'm embedded in the frosty darkness…

* * *

_I was back at the party. However, this party wasn't that party at all, no this party was one of the Capitol. The pool glistened in the moonlight and I just stared down at my reflection mesmerized with hate at the figure I saw. I wanted to scream at him and call him all the horrible names I felt for myself. Every time I end up at one of these events I wake up in the morning feeling like dirt, no worse than dirt. I loathe myself. Yet here I am at another one of these swanky events that I won't remember in the morning. I take large breathes of the crisp air but I detest even that for it's nothing like the warm air of my home. None of this is anything that I'd dare call home but I come here almost all the time for my modelling jobs just to save my mother from starvation. She won't go out and do anything like a normal person; she just sits or lies in bed and cries endlessly. It's a noise I've begun to know so well that when I hear it I'm not sure if it's real. I always wish it wasn't real. She won't even look at me when she gets bad because she sees me like I'm him but I'm not. No, I hope I'm nothing like my father but I hope someday I will be. Maybe my sins will never be redeemed and I'll always be Capitol rot. I make my way back inside._

_Smoke burned my lungs as I wondered what chemicals it was that they're inhaling willingly. The stench of alcohol was overwhelming yet I headed towards it longing for the substance. Confetti rained down on me and the glitter stung my skin and burned with memories. Everyone in the room moved to the exact rhythm of the room, undulating to the beat. I couldn't help my feet following suit. The room was iridescent to my eyes as a blur of colour whizzed past me as I swayed unwillingly. The individuals were caked in their designer wear that I couldn't stand at all. It could be the explanation for my actions towards them- I always end up tearing the clothes of one or sometimes more of the women at these parties. Women half-dressed danced in the air above me tempting me to join them singing to me 'come get it' over-and-over._

_The alcohol from my glass burned down my throat but I showed no remorse. I grabbed another from a nearby Avox and made my way over to the gaping window that glared down on those leaving the party as if judging them for it. I watched all the expensive vehicles drifting seamlessly down the concrete strip while others pulled in longing to join us. I was infuriated that they spent so much on such extravagance while the rest of us, while no longer living in poverty, still work hard for our food and clothes. Actually, I should probably refer to them as 'they' for I doubt I'm included in their category anymore. I missed the days when I'd run and play on the beach at four or in the forest in twelve with her. I tried not to think about her but it never worked._

_I'd drank so much liquor I felt like Haymitch but I didn't stop. The room was spinning around me and my senses told me complete lies. I supposed that is what people mean when they say they're wasting away. A cameraman snapped my picture probably for the front page of a magazine tomorrow but I didn't pose or smile and yet I knew I'd still look amazing. The flash burned at my sleepless eyes so I took another swig to settle them. If only I were ugly that way when I wanted to screw up my life I wouldn't be able to screw anyone. A girl I didn't even know wrapped her arms around me from the back but I ignored her and watched the filthy party goers go about their carefree business. No wonder they have no sense of the real world when this was their daily lives._

"_Why don't we go upstairs? We had so much fun the last time, pun intended." She whispered in my ear and started kissing down my neck. I removed her hands from me immediately and retreated away without a backwards glance or reply. I didn't remember the last time and I didn't want to but if there were a last time then I knew this couldn't happen. It was against one of my rules…_

_Don't be with the same girl more than once else they'll get attached_

_Don't be with anyone who's at least five years older than you_

_Except nothing from anyone that way you never owe people_

_Don't be with anyone of importance or who you may see again_

_Don't think of Carmen_

_I always broke the last one but the rest I kept to like my life depended on it. Those were the only rules I ever lived by those days. For the rest of my empty life, I lived like I felt nothing but if I said I felt nothing then I'd be lying. It would always be the one emotion I hated so much and that led me to these ways. Love. I didn't want to be honest with myself about how much I needed her there with me so I pretended she was there with me. The reason for the first rule was so that I didn't find out much about them so they could be whatever I wanted them to be. Most of them didn't even notice when I said her name instead of theirs (which most the time I didn't know and didn't care to know). Champagne flowed over their glasses and spilled as they danced in one consecutive motion. They were all the same. I grabbed a random girl and didn't bother to look at her. The lights and room swirled around me but I managed to make my way successfully to some sort of bedroom. _

_I took no notice of the setting for I didn't care and knew I wouldn't remember anyway. I shoved her on the bed and she didn't complain even though we'd never even said hello but I suppose we were about to get acquainted pretty well. These days are what I truly call the 'dark times'. Our clothes were out of the way quite quickly and I paid no attention to her whatsoever. Sometimes, mainly for the loud ones, I had to shut my eyes to drown them out. This had all started when all I could think about was her no matter where or when and there was nothing I could do for I was far too busy to see her and in any case I knew we would never be together. I'd tried being with other girls to get her out my head but it did no good. That was when I did relationships but they never worked out because I loved someone else and they bored me so. So this is where I ended up, screwing random girls to get her out of my head. It didn't work. The girl screams pleasure and squirms beneath me but all I see is the girl I wish I was with. It's a sick game but a one I play every day all the same. What would she think if she knew? Either way she thinks I'm scum but worse than that…_

_She thinks I'm Capitol scum that screws other Capitol scum for pleasure…_

* * *

I'm shaken awake from the nightmare of a memory and met with a contrasting darkness to the vivid memory I was in only moments ago. It takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the scene and my mind slightly longer to bring back where I am. Currently, I'm lying on the sofa in Carmen's house while her party goes on next door. If I listen carefully I can still hear a faint beat of the music.

"Finn? Finn are you awake?"

Such an angelic whisper gets my attention. The darkness conceals her face from me but I can still make out parts of it in this dull light. My eyes sting, my head throbs and I can tell that I'm still a bit drunk, nothing like at the parties in my memory but still a little.

"Yes?" My voice sounds raspy and unused making her giggle lightly.

"You aren't in my bed."

"No, I thought it would be best if I…"

She interrupts me, "I wanted you there not for your own good but for mine."

"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion.

She hesitates before answering in a shameful tone, "I have nightmares and have done ever since…the _incident_."

"I don't remember you having nightmares at the hospital. Besides, what does that have to do with me?"

"No I didn't have them or at least I didn't when I was with you…" She says sheepishly. "For some reason I don't have nightmares when I'm with you."

"So you mean you have them every night because I'm not with you?" Guilt.

"Yes but…"

I don't let her finish before scooping her up, shifting my blanket and placing her gently next to me. She lets out a small gasp with surprise but soon snuggles up to my chest causing my breath to catch in my throat. I'd say maybe I'm dreaming but my dreams are not so pleasant. Just when I think I may be able to breathe again I catch sight of what she's wearing and discover that her party dress is still clinging to her skin. I suppress the need to caress her skin with my pleading hands longing to feel her. My fingers find her hair and tangle in it like weeds pulling her closer to my heart. I can't resist my lips touching her head for a quick peck.

"Night. Sleep well."

"I will now." She whispers and I can feel her lips moving against my chest to form the words. I try not to show her how much I like this but I don't believe I do it successfully. "What were you dreaming about?"

"Don't remember." I lied.

"You said my name." I know she must have heard my heart stop there. I didn't know I talked in my sleep and I really wish I didn't.

"I did?" I reply innocently.

"Yep. You said it over-and-over like a…gasp."

"Nope don't remember. Get some rest ok Carmen."

"Did I ever tell you what my name means?"

"No. What's it mean?" I say with a yawn.

"It's Latin. That's the language that Panem means Bread in. It's like an ancient language or something but my mum heard one of the Capitol people talking about her and they said the word 'carmen'. She asked what it meant and they told her."

"So what's it mean?"

"Song."

"That's beautiful."

"Yeah. I guess it is."

We shuffle closer together so that we're almost one being and I tighten my hold on her. She rests her head in the small of my neck and it feels like we fit together perfectly. Her arms snake around my back. I can't help but inhale her scent and I find it intoxicating so that's what I fall asleep remembering…

* * *

_**A/N **Do you want the next chapter to be a dream chapter, include a dream or just skip to morning? (It will be Finn's POV)_

_ME4427_


	14. Confessions

_**A/N** So sorry for the wait people! Firstly, I was going to update this earlier but yesterday there was something wrong with my internet and today I was out at a fair and something called the 'Blaydon Races'. Anywho, the majority of people said they'd like it to skip to morning so I apologise to those who wanted a dream but I may give you one another day..._

_Enjoy..._

_ME4427_

* * *

14. Confessions

[Finn's POV]

I wake up to the sound of footsteps upstairs. My eyes are glued together though because I'd rather just stay in bed for a little longer. Then, I realise I'm not in my bed at all. No, this isn't a bed; I think I'm on the sofa. That's when I remember coming to Carmen's house but I can't remember why I'm not in the guest house. I'm too tired to think about it so I try to roll over and bury my face in the pillow. However, I can't seem to move very easily because of the heavy blanket I must have chosen last night probably because the weather here is nothing like that of my home in district four. I crack one eye open to observe my surroundings but I'm met with a pair of thick blue eyes and a blinding smile.

"Good morning sleepyhead!"

"It is now." I mumble. It starts to come back to me after that, most of last night. Perhaps I'm dreaming because honestly this all seems slightly surreal. She stares at me for a moment more before going back to snuggling into my chest. Since her head is now propped on top of my chest I'm almost certain that she can hear my heart leap and skip. Her tiny toes tickle my legs as she shifts herself into more of a ball on top of me. I secure her in my grasp and run my hands through her hair as always. It's almost second-nature to me now, automatic. Staying in that exact position forever would be perfectly fine with me but unfortunately the opportunity does not arise. We are interrupted by someone so boisterous that I can only assume its Fern as she bursts through the front door. Carmen leaps away from me as if I'm on fire causing her to tumble on to the floor too quick for me to catch.

"Are you ok?" I ask.

She nods while tugging her dress down where it has ridden up. It completely slipped my mind that she was still in her dress and when she fell the flames erupted once more.

"What happened to you?" Fern questions suspiciously while eying the two of us together and I can feel Carmen cringing.

"Why don't I go make some breakfast?" I say lightening the mood slightly. I don't wait for a reply before making my way into the kitchen swiftly. "You want anything Fern? Carmen?"

"No I need to go find Willow." Yells Carmen.

I grab myself a bowl and some cereal before turning around and finding Fern having entered the kitchen too. She observes me thoughtfully for a moment then begins to talk whilst I continue with the meal.

"You like her, don't you?"

I stop abruptly then realise what I've done so carry on nonchalantly.

"What? Of course not. What makes you think that?" It's a good job I'm no actor; even I didn't believe that performance.

She sighs, "I saw the interview. I knew what you meant."

"_So Finnick, how are you today?"_

"_I'm fine thanks. You?" I asked while winking briefly at the crowd. The girls all screamed my name in longing._

"_Me? I'm fine too." He paused and leaned in a little for the effect. "I hear your modelling is going well. All the ladies" he paused and we both listened overdramatically to the screaming women of the audience "seem to adore you. You got a special lady out there?"_

"_Me? No not yet. Still looking though." I'd said all the signature lines that got those ladies out there drooling. My mind kept flicking back to her though, it always did._

"_Oh well, maybe you'll find one soon." He saw he wouldn't find a story there so he moved on a bit. "And your birthday's coming up isn't it? What is it you want?"_

_That's when it happened. I answered without thinking. "Carmen."_

_Once I realised what I'd done I began to panic. Oh god! They all know! My whole cover is blown; what if she's watching this?! But they misunderstood me…_

"_A car? Well those are quite rare but I suppose with your money and friends anything is possible." He droned on but I tuned out. They thought I said 'a car man'. I couldn't help wonder whether anyone would notice. Knowing my luck they would. Would it be better out in the open or not? I couldn't decide._

And I still can't.

"You said her name." It wasn't a question but a statement because we both knew it was true. Suddenly as if to break the tension, Willow came running in and hugged me.

"Hey baby bird!"

"Finny!" She shrieked in that cute voice of hers. "Can you take me out Finny?"

"Of course baby bird but wouldn't you want your sister to take you?"

"But she going with Hunter out." She said matter-of-factly. I could feel myself getting a little angry with this guy. I mean, I'm not going to be able to stay long and yet all my time with her is cut short because of this guy. I'd like to see his face if he knew how close I'd been to his girlfriend last night! She didn't come to him when she had a nightmare! He wasn't the only thing that could stop them was he? He hadn't known her all his life! I had!

"Finn?"

"What? Eh, yeah sure I'll take you out. Where do you want to go?"

We spent almost all of breakfast arguing about where to take her and eventually agreed to going into the town for a wander. According to Fern, some sort of little fair thing was on today so maybe we'd have a good time. We left the house hand-in-hand and she was skipping and humming cute little tunes as she went.

"You're a good singer you know Willow."

She beams up at me the biggest smile anyone will ever see. After a bit, she seems to be fed up of being the only one singing so she encourages me to join in too. I comply because there's nothing I wouldn't do for this little kid even if I can't sing very well at all. The sky is almost as blue as Carmen's eyes which means it might just rain today so I wish I'd brought a coat for Willow. I suppose it's too late now. She only has a thin little sun dress on so I might have to buy her something at the fair/market going on.

"You're a good singer you know Finny." She says mimicking my tone which makes us both laugh pretty hard. We know we've reached the square when we see lots of little stalls all over the place. I also catch sight of Carmen and Hunter but I choose to ignore them. She'd headed of before us and Fern had tagged along as she said Hunter had a 'hot brother' or something like that.

The first stall we find has some interesting stationary with intricate patterns and things on. One catches my attention as it has a mockingjay imprinted on it and I can't help but notice it'd be perfect for Carmen. Obviously my intentions for today were not to buy things for her but I can't help it so I pay the kind woman and we move on to the next one. After about five stalls I have a collection of things for Carmen which I can give her along with her original present that I've not yet given her due to many interruptions.

"Ooh look at this!"

"What is it Willow?"

She shrugs but keeps staring at the little metal piece in her hands. When she presses a button on it, it expands to make a thin silvery encrusted bangle.

"Can I have it? Please! Please!" She pleads.

"Ok calm down, yes you can have it."

I check my watch and realise how late it's getting so I take her hand and start to lead her back to the house. It's not the shortest walk ever and after a bit I can tell that she's getting a little tired as she starts slowing down and yawning.

"You okay there baby bird?"

"I'm tired." She yawns sleepily.

I sigh and swing her gently up onto my shoulders telling her to hold on nice and tight. She does so and we walk back in silence until I feel her start to nod off. I must have worn her out a lot today. When we arrive back I make my way up the porch steps and inside. Everyone (besides Carmen) is situated in the kitchen so I head in there and start to remove Willow from my shoulders being careful not to wake her up.

"Someone must have been tired." Katniss says while taking her daughter from me, "Thanks for taking her out today. She was very keen to see you again." This makes me smile just a little. It's nice to be wanted and not judged for once. Maybe I'll have to visit more often.

"Where were you exactly?" Rye asks me as I sit down next to him.

"The fair thing." I answer while taking a bit of cheese bun.

"No. I mean for the past year or so."

"Oh right. Err…I was modelling."

"So much that you couldn't visit?"

"Yep."

As if on cue, Carmen arrives home and slams the door with a thud making me wince. Jeez what's upset her so much? Hunter. I'm straight up from my seat with my cheese bun and over to her. She looks awfully pissed off.

"You okay?"

"Come with me."

She doesn't even wait for me to reply before she storms out of the house and down the road. I run to keep up with her but she just keeps speeding along with her eyes set straight ahead. We remain silent despite my attempts at conversation but I stop those when we make it to the fence surrounding the forest here. She slips under the no-longer electric wires and I follow automatically. We hike upwards towards the lake and I have to dodge some overgrown branches on the pathway. It's a bit different to what I remember of it but at the same time so familiar. It almost feels like home itself. Eventually, we reach the lake and it's quite dark when we do so the moonlight is shining down on it making the water glisten. It's so beautiful that I can feel it calling to me. I ignore the sensation and sit down beside Carmen under that very familiar oak tree that holds such fond memories like the time I was going to kiss her when I was fourteen. Obviously that didn't happen; we've only kissed once but it was my favourite moment in the world.

"You okay?"

"No." She replies bluntly.

"How come?" I ask whilst leaning back a touch.

"Hunter was a complete jerk to me today."

"Oh. Well forget about it for now. Let's just enjoy being here."

"I want to. That's why I came here. But…." She trails off and sighs.

She's lying on my chest now and we're just staring up at the stars. It's so romantic and I just wish she weren't so sad. Being the friend I am, I decide to cheer her up a little. I get up and pull her up too. I hold her hand and tug her forwards with me. She smirks and follows but I can tell she has no idea what I'm doing. If she did, I doubt that she'd have followed me. I keep walking backwards until I can't anymore.

"What are you doing Finn?" She smiles.

"Cheering you up."

I grab her round the waist and take that final step backwards.

We fall into the water with a splash. It's absolutely freezing so I can't help but shiver. I pop my head above the water to find her there laughing at me. She swims over dripping wet but still smiling. I know mine must be twice as big as hers. Her cold fingers wrap around my neck and I freeze wondering what it is that she's doing. Her eyes bore into mine and I can feel myself being drawn to them. She pulls herself closer to me and my breath stops all together. She smiles at me then leans in and I do too.

Her lips meet mine and the sparks fly again. I'm no longer frozen; I'm melting. My arms snake around her back and pull her closer and closer to me. I never want this moment to end. I'm kissing her and she's kissing me back so fiercely. She bites my lip and of course I open my mouth. Her scent fills my nose and her taste fills my mouth. My thoughts are as cloudy as the sky but my senses are as awake as anything. Her hands tangle in my hair for once and I can feel the clinging.

I don't think I'll ever be this happy.

Ever.

* * *

_**A/N** OMG! They kissed! :D_

_Anyway, if your interested I have a Finnick (Senior) story called 'Puff Puff' which is a one-shot if you're interested._

_Show your support guys, review, follow, favourite and PM me!_

_Love you all and I'll try not to take as long_

_ME4427_


	15. Mistake or Heart Ache

_**A/N** Hello again! How long has it been? Well anyway, I didn't want to deprive you any longer so I updated even though it's father's day and my sister's birthday! Your welcome! Here we go..._

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15. Mistake or Heart Ache

[Carmen's POV]

I can't help but think about it. The way he was there to cheer me up, the way he always smiled at me, the way he looked at me like I was important and the way I kissed him. I'm a horrible person. It didn't matter that I knew I would be cheating if I did it; I still wanted to so badly and why deny your desires? We'd fitted together almost perfectly and I couldn't help marvel at how utterly amazing he'd looked in the moonlight. I'd kissed him and it wasn't at all like last time (or at least not for me) because it was just more…I don't even know how to describe it. And it was different than when I kiss Hunter and I know I shouldn't compare my best friend's kissing me (which shouldn't have happened) and my boyfriends. It shouldn't have happened but I wouldn't take it back ever. It made me confused; it made me swim in contentment. What I did was wrong but it's too late. Finn had been there for me. And he cared, he actually cared. Hunter didn't. Finn did. Did that make it right?

"Urgh! What the hell have I done?!" I slam my head onto the table so it lands on my hands with a bang but I don't feel the pain. My blood vessels are too busy surging with concentrated guilt.

"Glad to see someone's in a good mood!" I hear Fern's voice chime in sarcastically. I really don't want to tell her what I did but we all know I'm the worst liar in the world. Okay, maybe I'm not as bad as my mum...

"Go away Fern." I mumble but it's unlikely she heard me through my hands. Feeling her hand slowly prick my head up to her, I try not to make eye-contact. She's having none of it though; she knows I'm hiding something away.

"What did you do?" She asks sceptically.

"Nothing, what makes you think I did something?"

"You just said 'what the hell have I done?'" She points out.

My head drops back to my hands yet it doesn't stay long for I was made to look up once again. She had a look of worry about her and the crease in her forehead really looked wrong on her happy face.

"Promise you won't judge me?" I check whilst making my way over to the couch with her following like a lost puppy. She just nods warily so I sigh and begin making sure not to catch her eye when I do.

"Well…Hunter and I had a bit of an argument at the fair,"

"Ok…"

"So I came back here and…" I pause, trying to allow my lungs oxygen, "I went to the forest with Finn."

"Is that it?"

"I wish." I mumble before continuing the story, "Then I began to explain about Hunter and he cheered me up by pushing me in the lake. And then I did something really stupid that I shouldn't have done and I know it was awful but you can't judge me…." I ramble on until she decides to interrupt me.

"What did you do?"

I gulp.

"I may have possibly…maybe…somehow….kissed Finn." I whisper the last bit whilst tripping over my words embarrassingly.

"You what?!" She screams in shock. I know I'm going to get a lecture now but I really don't want to hear it; I know what I've done is bad. (Well actually it was pretty good…). I think the worst thing is facing Finn and Hunter after this because my head is in such a mess, I can barely function. It probably was only made worse when I crawled into Finn's bed with him last night…Yeah, Hunter's not going to like this at all.

"Well at least your first kiss wasn't with Finn not Hunter." I really wanted to deny it but I couldn't.

"Well…."

"Well what? It's not true! It can't be! I've seen you kiss Hunter!" She exclaims.

"Yes I know. But it was before me and Hunter…"

"What?! Why have you never told me this? When did this happen?" She practically screams!

"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd make a big deal about it and it happened like two years ago. It was nothing. It doesn't matter right now anyway."

"Fine, back to the matter at hand. What was it like?"

"Pardon?" Is that all she has to say? I just kissed my best friend and cheated on my psycho boyfriend.

"Well I'm not going to get to do it, am I? I'd quite like to know." She replies defensively.

"It was…" There are so many things I could say but I don't know which to choose so I just let my mouth run free, "Amazing. I know I shouldn't have done it but it felt right and to be honest it still does. I wouldn't take it back, ever."

"So tell me Carmen, why aren't you with Finn?"

Her question stops me in my tracks. What?! She can't say that to me when my brain's scrambled already. I'm not with Finn because I don't like him that way (or do I?) and I have a boyfriend in any case. But I forgot to rein in my mouth so it speaks before I give it permission.

"I don't want to be one of _those_ girls."

I guess it's true but that shouldn't be my reason! My reasons are that I don't like him that way AND that I have a boyfriend for god's sake! What is wrong with me? Fern sighs in response to my answer as if it's such a typically wrong answer. Eventually she decides to enlighten me with her thoughts.

"He likes you more than that stupid!"

"No he doesn't." Or does he?

He lay with me because I was scared.

He kissed me back.

He looks at me like I've never been looked at.

And he saved my life.

She must see my thinking face as I consider her words because she gives me a smug look that says _I know I'm right._ But I think we're both forgetting what's really important here: Hunter. Honestly, (I'd never admit this to anyone but my thoughts) Hunter scares the crap out of me when he's angry.

"What about Hunter?"

"What about him? Come on here's a jerk Carrie!"

"That's my boyfriend and no he isn't. He can be sweet at times."

"Notice how you said 'can be' and 'at times'. When is Finn sweet? Always."

"That's not true! What about all those girls he was with? He wasn't awfully sweet to them, was he? No." There I got her. She's stumped. She just gives me the look of 'this isn't over' but that look really means is 'yes it is over, you won'. We both lean back in our chairs having got nowhere in this conversation. I still don't know what it is I'm going to do but I suppose I'll figure something out. I head out of the room to go get myself something to eat when I run into someone I really wasn't expecting to see. I should have really checked that no one could be listening but I suppose it's too late now.

"You know it wasn't quite like that Carmen sweetie. They had a choice in the matter _but_ think what you want about me." Oh god! How long has Finn been listening to us? He doesn't seem even fazed by my little rant about him. If someone said that stuff about me behind my back I'd be pissed but perhaps he's more mature than I. He is older after all. I decide to just not reply and dodge him to get to the cupboard. I reach up to grab something but I can't reach without going on my tip-toes. Just as I prop myself up on them, I feel one hand cling to my hip and another reach up and get it for me, whilst the owner of the fine pair presses himself against my back. I swear I let out a small squeak as he chuckles slightly. As I turn I squeak again at the sight of him literally pressed against my chest. He does his signature thing of sliding my hair back. And then I think something only for a second but it's still bad. I shouldn't have thought it but I did.

I want to kiss him.

"You weren't there when I woke up." He pouts. I quickly cover his mouth though as I realise Fern _may _have heard that. She doesn't know that I've slept with Finn (not in that way) for the past couple of nights. No one knows (as far as I know) except me and him.

"Fern doesn't know." I hiss. He nods in response since he still can't talk. "You know I like you better when you're gagged." I joke. Just then he licks my hand and I pull back with a disgusted expression.  
"You taste cheesy."

"If you don't like it, then don't lick my hands." I laugh at his sceptical face.

"No I like cheese. It was just unexpected for my friend to taste like cheese."

"Well it was unexpected for you to lick me!"

I grab a cheesy bun and sit at the table with Finn opposite me. We half it but as I'm eating I can feel his eyes observing me carefully and I can't help wonder what he thinks of my actions yesterday. Should we talk about it? Would that make it worse or better? He's my best friend (so is Fern) so I really don't want to do anything to jeopardise that. Now we're in that weird zone where it could go either way with just the slightest action. If I screw this up I could lose him as a friend but equally I could keep him as a friend. I'm not sure what I want though. Obviously, I don't want to lose him but do I want him as a friend? Or more? But I'm with Hunter…

He waves his free hand in front of my face to get my attention back to the real world.

"What were you thinking about?"

I bite my lip and shake my head to tell him that I'd rather not talk about it. He takes a guess and it's spot on.

"Last night?" I simply nod in response. "Maybe we should talk about that."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Carmen,"

"What? Do you want to tell me everything I already know?" He seems taken aback by my outburst but I continue my rant. "Look I know I cheated on Hunter so you can save the speech where you tell me I'm a horrible person! And I shouldn't have used you like that! I shouldn't have kissed you and I've probably given you the wrong idea by crawling into your bed last night but believe me they are not connected things Finn. I'm not like you; I don't just go from one person to the next. And know I've screwed up my relationship and my friendship with you and I don't know what to do because…"

He interrupts me. He moves over to me and wraps me in his embrace but I don't deserve comfort for what I've done.

"You haven't broken any friendship with me; I'll always be your friend. And you are certainly not a horrible person. You're the nicest person I know! As for the kiss," He takes a deep breath and I can feel it tingle on my skin because he's so close, "Hunter doesn't have to know a thing. It wasn't your fault anyway. He upset you and you were sad."

His words comfort me but they also upset me slightly. Maybe the kiss didn't mean anything at all to him. Why would it? He's probably kissed thousands of girls. His lips touch my head and he goes to get Fern for me.

* * *

So far, today's been a rough day for my emotional sanity. First trying to get my head around the kiss, avoiding Hunter at all costs, the conversation with Finn and admitting it to Fern. She's still not fully got her head around it but I haven't either. She still keeps quizzing me. Currently, we're engulfed in the selection of Capitol dresses Effie gave me the other night. I figured Fern would love them and Effie thought it would be a nice idea to just give them all to me even though I'd made it clear that I didn't want them. There were only a few I would even consider wearing.

Fern prances out, of the pile she'd been searching in, in a skin tight strapless red dress. She does a twirl in front of the mirror and I swear if her smile gets any bigger, it'll crack her face in half.

"Oh my god! Look at this one! It's gorgeous! Why didn't you want these?" She twirls again and just watching her makes me dizzy.

"Ok _that one_ is nice but most of them aren't."

"Come on Carrie! Try one on please! It might make you feel better." I sigh but I can't say no to her so I go and hunt for something reasonable. As I am drowning in dresses, we hear a knock on the door so Fern goes to answer it. I assumed it'd be Finn or Hunter but it wasn't. It was just my brother Rye. His expression looked slightly stunned as he saw what Fern was wearing. He started to blush once he caught himself starting to look her over. For a while now, he's had a bit of a crush on her, well I say a bit but it's more like a large crush.

"Hi Rye!" She chirps but he's still unable to speak, "Ooh you like this? I found it in this mass of dresses that Carmen _was_ going to get rid of! Isn't she crazy?" She gives him a twirl and I swear he starts drooling a little as her blonde curls swish past his face. I don't really mind his crush because it's actually quite funny how oblivious Fern is about the whole thing.

"Eh yeah. It's err nice." He says a little breathlessly.

"Aww thanks! You're so sweet Rye!" She catches him off guard as she traps him in a brief hug. He seemed to enjoy the brief moment though. She gives him a quick smile before skipping off to grab her ringing phone.

"What's up Rye?" I have to say it a few times before he pays any attention. His eyes follow Fern until she leaves the room to take it in private.

"I came to tell you that you're supposed to be looking after us tonight 'cos mum and dad are going out or something."

"Right ok fine." He turns to leave but I catch him first, "Oh and Rye, you have a little drool there." I laugh.

"Whatever Carmen. At least I'm honest with myself about who I like!" And with that he walks out the door slamming it behind him. What's that supposed to mean? He better not be talking about who I think he's talking about because I do not. Fern interrupts my thoughts when she skips back in.

"Where'd your brother go?"

"Hopefully back to hell where he came from." I say sourly. She gives me a playful glare.

"He's not that bad! I think he's quite nice!" She replies defensively.

"Yeah he is to you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." How can she seriously not know? I change the subject: "So what was that about?" I point to the phone.

"Oh right yeah! That was Hunter's brother Ventus. He was inviting us to a party tonight! And I was thinking that we could wear these dresses!"

"I don't know. I'm supposed to be looking after Rye and that lot tonight…."

"Rye will be fine looking after them."

"I don't know." It doesn't sound like a good idea. What if I run into Hunter? I can't lie to anyone.

"Oh come on! You just don't want to run into Hunter! He won't even be there apparently!" She gives me her best puppy face but I'm still unsure. "Please! I want to see Ventus! He's so cute!"

"Ok fine. We'll go to the party as long as Hunter won't be there!"

* * *

_**A/N **Ok now I know exactly what's happening in the next chapter and it make Carmen and Finn closer trust me! Anyway, if you like this check out **my one-shot called Puff Puff**. Also press those lovely buttons: Review, favourite, follow, PM_

_Thanks for reading..._

_ME4427_

_Ps. YEY! ALL MY EXAMS ARE DONE! :D_


	16. Broken

_**AN/ **I was going to thank everyone who's reviewed, favourites and/or followed this but I'm tired so I'll do next time..._

_ME4427_

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16. Broken

[Finn's POV]

I lie awake thinking. I know I said to her that it didn't matter but I want it too. I want the kiss to matter because I think it did. But then there's Hunter. Why is she dating that guy? I could see that confusion drowning in her sea blue eyes. She didn't know what to do and I don't blame her. She'd kissed me and fair enough she seemed to be regretting it but there was something I couldn't quite understand. After I said it didn't matter she appeared almost…hurt. Is that because she wanted it to mean something?

I'm giving myself a headache.

Shutting my eyes to try and get sleep is a useless effort. I do it anyway. It actually feels a bit weird not having Carmen here in my arms; it's become habit. Where is she? Rye told me that she and Fern went off to a party at the Hawthorne's but I would have thought she'd be back by now. I'm starting to feel worry clog up my heavy chest. I decide to get up and go downstairs to get a glass of water or something to occupy myself.

The silence of the house is eerie. I make my way through the darkness swarming the hallway, as lights may wake the rest of the household, feeling along the wall to find my way. I make it to the stairs with only a few stumbles and I cling to the railing with dear life so as not to fall. Eventually, I reach the bottom of the stairs only to pause when I hear the faint sound of sobbing. It tears my heart when my mind recognises the sound as it's so very familiar. I rush in and see her delicate cowering figure in the corner racked with fear.

"Carmen?"

She stops shaking and starts falling in on herself to hide from me. I go over to her slowly and sit down gently never taking my eyes off her. She still won't look at me. My thoughts spiral into _what_'s and _why_'s but I swallow them rather than voice the queries. I keep wondering them though.

"I used to be so strong." She whispers in a barely audible volume. I wouldn't have heard it if it weren't for that creeping silence.

"You still are." I reply instinctively. I don't want her to doubt herself.

"No I'm not! Look at me. I'm broken." She sobs. I turn her face to meet me but she's reluctant. When I finally get her to meet my eyes I can't help notice something different. I move her face back and forth so I can investigate the newly formed marks. She has a cut running along her left cheek and a blackening bruise smudging her forehead. Her make up leaps from her bleeding eyes and her grimace is dressed up with cuts too.

Someone hurt her. I could guess who but I don't want to.

I feel worry subside and anger kick in. How dare he?! I know my body's risen up but I'm too numb to actually sense it. My vision becomes lucid and my hands shake. How dare he?! How the hell could he lay his grotty hands on her like that?! I'll kill him before he could ever do it again. But something stops me. No, someone stops me. She pulls my hands into hers and I can't tell which of us is quivering. She looks deep into my eyes and I feel the strong emotions slip to ease. Carefully, she props herself up on tip-toes and pecks me on the nose in thanks. We exchange weak smiles.

"Can we just go to sleep now Finn?"

I scoop her up in my arms and she lets out a cute, shocked gasp. We wade through the darkness until we reach the guest room where I was staying. She puts up no protest as I lay her down. I hold her but I can tell there's something different in the atmosphere. When she rolls over to face me I find out exactly what that thing is. Her lips meet mine and we kiss until we're too tired.

Then we drift into a happy sleep and I don't know why he did it but tomorrow when he meets my fist I won't give him the chance to explain.

* * *

My eyes open and I find Carmen's scarred face smiling at me. It's so genuine that my heart swells just a little in bliss. I brush her hair back and tangle my fingers in it just as she leans down and meets my lips again. Just when things are getting pretty good the door slams open and we pull apart immediately to meet the eyes of a very angry man. It's just the man I was going to go see…

"WHAT THE HELL?!" He screams in complete rage.

"Hunter it's not what…" Carmen begins but I cut her off.

"Get away from her now." I try to remain as calm as possible but I don't think I'm doing a good job at all. He gives me the filthiest look I've ever seen in response.

"Or what Capitol boy? You going to get your many skanks to come beat me up huh?"

I hit him once for that.

"You think Carmen could do better than me? Fine maybe she can but not with you Finnick."

I hit him again for that.

"You're like your dad you know. He screwed girl after girl after girl and I bet you're just a result of that. He probably didn't care about your mum at all. I mean she is crazy…"

I hit him really hard for that.

"You know what, he deserved to die."

I knock him out cold. _And so do you _I think.

Carmen and I just loom over him for a minute watching him lie their motionless, vulnerable. I like him better like this. The thing that breaks our daze is when the door bursts open once again and it makes a thud when it connects with his head. That's probably going to hurt when he wakes up. Fern pokes her head round the door and scopes the room identifying the scene before her. She shrugs and skips off as if there isn't a boy bleeding on the floor. I'm starting to envy Fern's carefree attitude.

My hand finds hers and we edge around him and out the door. We're quick down the stairs and Carmen just shouts that we're _going out somewhere_ to her parents as we make it to the door. I'm about to go when I see that Carmen is watching something with curious eyes. I follow her gaze to find Fern and Rye laughing and joking together in the kitchen. Is there something going on with those two?

She shakes herself out of it and flashes me a smile signalling for us to go. It's funny that until that moment I hadn't noticed that we've not changed so she's still in her ripped dress from last night and I'm still wearing only a pair of shorts. That's a bit awkward. Oh well! We sprint down the porch steps still hand-in-hand. I have no idea where we're going but it doesn't matter really. As we leave the victors village we receive some weird looks at our attire but neither of us show the slightest interest. We run right through the centre of town and past a group of people who I suppose are most likely in Carmen's year at the school. They give her a look of almost disbelief as we pass but I don't think she even sees them.

"Where are we going?" She shouts as we run.

"No idea!" I laugh and she does too. I speed up and decide on a good location for us. We could go to the woods but that's just too overdone now. That's where we always go! Instead, I'm taking her to somewhere we've not been to for ages. We round the corner near the butchers and I see it. I think she gets where we're going because her pace increases. And then we reach the little area.

I plonk myself down on the spring grass and stare up at the tree looming over, providing shade. Carmen sits next to me and we both start to gasp for air a little. The sun's rays sting my eyes as they've not yet adjusted to the morning setting so I close them and lean back on the ground. I remember the last time we were here…

* * *

"_I bet you I can climb that tree!" I called back for her with my child's eyes still locked on the challenge in front of me._

"_Fine but you won't get far. I'm the one from the woods; you're from the sea." She taunted me playfully._

"_But I'm like an adopted member of the Mellark family. I can do it." I retorted._

"_Go on then Finn!" And on I did._

_Circling the tree was my way of allowing my eyes to study the tree, finding the best way of getting up it. After a minute I found my branch of hope. I reached up and gripped it firmly hoisting myself up with it. I always had quite good upper arm strength. Once that branch was mastered, I thought it'd be a piece of cake. Up and up I went with ease getting faster and faster as I want. Really it was my own fault for being too cocky and smug about the whole thing. Once you've started something hard it's almost like it isn't hard at all anymore, like you're just a feather floating in the wind. You no longer have to try to fly. That's what it was like for me. I didn't realise how far up I was until I glanced down between the withering leaves to see the ground far away from me. That's where most people would start climbing down again but I'm not like most people; I cared too much for my pride. That stupid ego of mine._

_My focus went back to the branches above me daring me on. They were more scattered out now so it was harder to get from one to another. It became a struggle but I suppose that's what a challenge is. I got a little further before any problems ensued. My foot seemed to be securely placed on the sturdy twigs but I was wrong. It slipped out from under me and I scrambled to cling onto the tree. My efforts weren't sufficient and I tumbled down. I remember it happening in slow motion but it was pretty quickly when it happened. I didn't have time to gather my thoughts enough to catch myself._

_I heard Carmen scream my name but the world was a blur as I fell and fell. When I hit the ground my body felt numb but I could feel the fiery pain spread up my leg. I tried my best not to cry but the tears started pushing down my defences until they toppled over and down my muddy cheeks._

"_Finn! Are you ok?"_

_I attempted a nod and smile but it was a grimace. Her face reflected worry off of it for me and my stupid safety. It was my own fault I fell. Using my arms, I had started to push myself off the ground only to wince in pain and crash back down with a thud causing more agony. I think I let out a scream but I'm not sure. Now it may sound like this event was a horrible incident that I certainly didn't think fondly of but then you'd be wrong if that's what you think._

"_My leg. I don't think I can walk." I gasped as she gently ran her fingers over it. It was a soft touch but it still hurt all the same._

"_I could go get…" I didn't let her finish her suggestion._

"_No! Don't leave me!" I cried desperately and she gave me an angel smile in response._

"_Anything I can do to help?"_

_Was there? I definitely thought about it long and hard. There wasn't really much she could do _but_ go get someone and that's the one thing I didn't want. I just needed my mind off of it so that's what I told her._

"_Just to not feel it."_

"_Not feel it or not notice?" She asked curiously._

"_Either."_

"_So what'll distract you then?" I shrugged. I wasn't sure. "You need something that'll take you so off guard that you'll forget everything else. But for something to really be shocking then you wouldn't know it therefore I must come up with something." She rambled to herself until coming to that conclusion. Then she did something that really distracted me._

_She leaned in and her lips were gentle as they met mine. It was just like an angel would kiss you. Know that I think about it, that makes sense, she's the closest thing to an angel I know. After a minute or so she pulled back. It turned out that my hands had wandered as they always chose to do around her and she'd noticed. She immediately slapped my hands off her, gave me a glare and blushed profusely. I think I blushed too. Then…_

* * *

"Finn!"

"What…err…yeah?" She snaps me right out of my memory as I open my eyes to meet hers.

"What were you thinking about?" She asks her tone tinted with prying.

"The last time we were here."

"Really? Why?"

"It's one of my best memories." My tone is proud.

"You falling out of a tree was a good time was it?" She questions.

"Well no. That's not the part of that day that I liked." She raises an eyebrow so I continue, "You kissed me then. I mean it wasn't like these other times but I think that's when I first realised how I felt about you."

"How you feel about me?"

I blush. "Yeah."

"So how do you feel about me then fish boy?" She mocks me giving me a light poke on the chest. I respond by pushing her over on her back and pinning her down with my body. We both laugh and I can't help but smile at how wonderfully perfect this moment right here is. I press our noses together so we can feel each other's breath on our skin.

I whisper, "How do you think?"

"I don't know. I mean, I'm probably not the only girl you've said things like that too." She replies sheepishly. It's like she thinks it'll upset me but I've learnt that no one should hide their past. You can be ashamed of it but you should be more ashamed if you don't share it. My mum isn't proud of some things she's done but she'll tell me them if I were only to ask.

"No you're wrong Carmen. I've not once told anyone but you that I loved them."

"First of all, when have you said that to me and second, you love me?" She interrogates whilst not meeting my eyes.

"I used to say it all the time and then you'd slap me. And yes I do love you. I always have; I always will." I know she's uncomfortable now, "I know you don't feel that way and that's okay."

She visibly relaxes at these words so I lean down and kiss her again.

How have I managed to get this girl in only a matter of days?

For years I'd tried and for years I'd failed but here we are.

Carmen and I.

Together.

For now.

* * *

_**AN/**__Okay so that was the newest chapter. Don't you just hate Hunter? I do._

_Anyway, I hope you enoyed that and until next time..._

_Happy Reading!_

_ME4427_


	17. The Truth

**_A/N _**_Hi everyone! Ok well this chapter is about what happened at the party. I know it's short and I apologise for that. Also this chapter is a tad violent just to warn you all. Happy (late) 4th of July to any of my American readers! And I am now officially done with school until September so :D Oh and I'm going to leave a note on the next update about something..._

_Anyway, enjoy reading!_

_ME4427_

* * *

17. The Truth

[Carmen's POV]

_By the time we left, it had gotten pretty dark outside. Perhaps we should have worn more layers as our main get-up was just thin dresses. I was slightly regretting agreeing to Fern, to go to this party at the Hawthorne's house. Even though she said Hunter would definitely not be there, I couldn't help think he would be. The last thing I wanted to do was face him after what I'd done. I shouldn't have kissed Finn. I shouldn't have._

_We rounded the corner that signalled our exit to the victors' village. Previously, the silence had stalked us down the road, but now all I could hear was the pounding of the music coming from the house where we were heading. Subtle. The music seemed to send a rush of excitement through Fern as she turned back to me, then grabbed my hand and sprinted towards the house, laughing. When we reached the house, she didn't bother to knock before entering the dimly lit room. The music boomed in my ears making them pound._

_We made our way over to the bar where Fern found Ventus mixing drinks. I'd say he's one of the nicest members of the family. Actually, almost everyone in the family is nice. There's Vick (the dad), who is always working hard and making jokes with everyone; Ventus (the 2__nd__ oldest), who's in our year at school and is always kind to everyone; Pluto (Rose's age), he's a bit shy but he's very kind; then there's Maysilee (the youngest), who is adorable and she's a year younger than Willow I think and finally Hunter._

"_Ahh, I see you made it! Nice to see you Carmen!" He nodded in my direction and I smiled weakly in return. I really didn't feel like partying today. Ventus handed me a drink as he passed me with Fern in toe as they headed to the dancefloor. She flashed me a blindingly large smile which made me laugh a little._

_I tried to talk to people and mingle but honestly, I didn't really know many people there; I wouldn't call myself exceptionally sociable. Since Fern was perfectly content dancing and laughing with Ventus, I chose to just head home and watch some of the awful Capitol TV. Just as I was about to leave though, I remembered that I'd left my bag here the other night when I'd spent the day with Hunter. I'd left in a bit of a rush after he was….horrible…to me. Quietly, I climbed the stairs and turned left towards his room. I pushed the door open slowly just to be sure that no one was lurking in there. Luckily, the room was completely empty, so I crept in. My bag was perched exactly where I'd left it which provided the illusion that he'd not searched through my stuff. But as I said, it was an illusion. When I picked it up, I found it to be much lighter than I remembered it being so I opened it up to find almost all of my money was gone. What an ass!_

_I turned around about to leave when I walked straight into someone. I almost screamed when I saw who it was. What was he doing there? He wasn't supposed to come!_

"_What are you doing?"_

_My throat was clogged up and my breathing rapid. I was so scared!_

"_Answer me." He growled low, causing me to gulp._

"_I…err…." Before I could even finish my explanation, or even really begin it, he slammed me into the wall where I hit my head so hard that the room began to spin. I felt tears well up in my eyes but I didn't let him see them; he didn't deserve the pleasure. He waved the money (I assumed was the money he stole from me) in my face as if taunting me._

"_What you want this back?" I gave no response. "God you're no fun, are you?"_

_He released his grip on me so I tumbled to the floor with the money as it fell. I glanced to the door just to see if I could make it. He must have seen me looking though._

"_What? You want to leave again? Go ahead. You'll be back. You always come back. Cause you love me, don't you? It's pathetic." He spat at me as he said the last part._

_I could've left but I didn't. I got up and moved over to him. He gave me a sickening smile as if to say he was right. I wanted to slap it off. So I did. The smile leapt right off it as soon as I connected with his face. His face went from shock, to disbelief, to uncontrollable rage._

"_How dare you."_

_So I did it again._

_I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it wasn't me at all. My face showed no emotion whatsoever, it was sickeningly blank. My make-up smeared, my eyes tearing, my face bleeding. I could see myself hitting him yet I couldn't feel it at all. I was blank inside and out. I was blissfully numb to everything. My ears blocked out the music, my brain blocked out the actions, my eyes blocked out the blood and my heart blocked him out._

_He grabbed my wrist forcefully and twisted it until pain rippled through me. I let out a cry as he pushed me into his side-table and all its contents tumbled to the floor. His grip made my arm lose all feeling. I used the other to push him back against the wall whilst I tried to run to the door._

_I didn't make it._

_He made for my waist right before I got there. He swung me round and threw me on the bed. It was too familiar to yesterday's events for my liking so I squirmed as he moved closer. I managed to push him off of me enough so that I could roll on the floor. Fighting only seemed to anger him more but it was all I could do to escape the nightmare._

"_You're absolutely pathetic! Look at you. You're nothing."_

_That's when I remembered all the other people in the house with us right then. I screamed for help, I screamed and screamed whilst he hit me and told me to shut up. The music was too loud though, no one heard me. His hand blocked my mouth._

"_No one's coming." He whispered in my ear, "Shush."_

_His filthy cologne choked my breath because he was so close to me. He leant back and tried to look in my eyes but I refused to let him. I huddled in the corner._

"_Tell me you're sorry." _

"_But I'm not." I spat back much to his dislike._

"_You love me." He said a bit angrier now._

"_But I don't."_

_He pulled my hair back causing me to yelp a little. He just chuckled at my pain._

"_Yes you do. And I love you too."_

"_This isn't love! If you loved me you wouldn't do this. And I hate you Hunter. I really hate you." He tugged harder and it felt like my head must be bleeding. He threw me over his shoulder and I screamed and kicked him as hard as I could. He ignored it._

_I was thrown on the bed and I knew that was it. I kicked, I screamed, I shouted. But no one came. My body went numb and I let the tears come know and they scarred my face as they gushed._

"_Hunter please! STOP! NO! Please! I love you. I love you just stop…" I begged by the end. He was tearing my dress from my skin and I felt lost. My eyes searched the room frantically for assistance and then I saw something. I stretched my hand out and it clasped around my saviour. Then I brought it to me and smashed it against the side of his head. Blood spewed from the wound and glass shattered around us. I hit him again and again and again until I felt him go limp against me._

_I ran from the room and from him. Wounded legs carried me down the stairs and I bumped into Ventus on the stairs. He must have noticed the state I was in but before he could even comment, I sprinted past him and out the door. I ran all the way home._

_The room was so cold and dark, it felt like heaven. I stumbled to the fridge and threw my belongings on the floor as I went. The first type of drink I found became my haven. I hoped that it would erase the scene from my memory but I knew it'd do no such thing. I lay there in pity and sorrow. Then I saw something so very beautiful._

_I can say that I'd never noticed how beautiful a knife is before but it is. It reflected the small amount of light off its shiny surface and it looked so cool and sleek. Such a powerful thing concealed in shine._

_An end to sorrow._

_An end to hate._

_An end to pain._

_An end to life._

_I felt my hands drawn to it and them lingering to feel it. I almost did reach for it, but I heard someone coming down the stairs. I feared it'd be Hunter so I sobbed and rocked myself to calmness. But it wasn't._

"_Carmen?"_

_I tried to hide from him. I didn't want him to see me like this. I used to be so strong._

_But the truth it if it weren't for him, I would have found that knife._

_If I'd not heard his voice, if I'd not seen his face, if I'd not remembered that he cared._

_I would have found the knife._

_So he saved my life again._

* * *

**_A/N _**_That end bit never happened in my plot plan but sometimes I just get carried away. The same happened with the Rye and Rose thing..._

_Does anyone think I should up the rating on this story?_

_ME4427_


	18. Home

_**A/N **Hi everyone! Sorry it's been so long but I was on holiday so I couldn't write anything. Anyway, I'm back now and I've just typed this up so I hope you like it. It has a bit more fluff and there's a bit happening with Rye and Fern. Enjoy..._

_ME4427_

* * *

18. Home

[Finn's POV]

I wake up and I feel the happiest that I have in a very long time. Finally, I have the girl that I've always wanted but never thought I could get. There's still that little voice in the back of my head that speaks entire truths, but I choose to ignore them. I don't want to think about the fact that this can't last long. I don't and I won't.

Carmen is still sound asleep in my arms and I can't help but notice how adorable she looks with her hair spewed across her face and her innocent, peaceful expression. It's nice. Both Carmen and I are aware that anyone could walk in and get completely the wrong idea here (like Hunter did) and think we were doing _things. _Honestly, I'm surprised Fern hasn't burst in yet since we're in Carmen's room, rather than mine in the guest house, as apparently she does this almost every morning. It's like she spends no time in her own home! Anyway, it's just a bit odd that she hasn't.

With Carmen next to me, I doubt I'm going to get back to sleep anytime soon, so I gently slip out of the bed. Once I'm suitably dressed, I go from the room and quietly shut the door behind me. I have to make sure no one catches me here else they'll probably know exactly where I'm coming from. My mission is to make it appear like I've just arrived and through the front door.

Unfortunately, when I reach the bottom of the stairs, I hear the sound of laughter coming from the kitchen. Whoever is in there will see me if I try and get to the front door. This is when I start to panic. How am I supposed to get to the door without them noticing? That's when I realise that there's more than one person in there. Great! That just made it even harder. Avoiding two eyes is hard; avoiding four is closer to impossible. Then I identify the voices.

"It's not funny Rye!" Fern speaks in-between laughing herself.

"Yes it is! Look at you!"

"Stop it! It's your fault!"

"My fault?" He laughs harder, "It's my fault that you spilt that all over yourself!?"

"Yes." She replies sulkily which just makes him chuckle all the more.

I find it quite interesting that she chose to hang out with Rye rather than her best friend…

Interesting…

I risk a quick peak round the corner to find Fern covered from head-to-toe in flour. Her black lacy dress seems closer to white with the new decoration on it and her blonde curls look older than her. It reminds me of the antics Carmen and I used to get up to when we worked in the bakery. At first I wonder how it is that she got so covered in flour but then I see all the baking equipment out on the top. I forget that I'm supposed to not let them see me, and instead I just stand and watch them.

Then I hear footsteps coming down the stairs so I turn away from the two to see Carmen smiling beautifully at me. I completely forget about the two who'd previously gripped my attention. She grabs my hand and pulls me into the kitchen with her. However, she stops abruptly when she sees the pair together. I guess she expected Fern to have come found her when she got here rather than spend time with her brother.

"What the…"

Fern and Rye both snap their heads up at the sound of her voice. Rye drops the damp cloth he had been using to wipe flour off of Fern's face. I bet he enjoyed being so close to her. Everyone, but Fern, seems to know about his little crush. They both jump apart and end up blushing, but I only wonder why exactly Fern is blushing.

"Oh Carmen. We were…em…baking."

"Right."

She pulls me with her as we sit down for our breakfast. It doesn't take long before the whole Mellark household are sitting down with us. Peeta makes small conversation with us all as he makes pancakes for everyone. I can't help but feel something's missing though. Carmen must notice something's wrong with me as I feel her eyes on me.

"Is everything ok?" She whispers so as not to draw attention to the situation.

"Yeah…yeah…"

She gives me a look as if to say _'Just tell me'_.

I sigh, "It's just, I kind of miss my mum is all."

Her look becomes sympathetic but she leaves our conversation there.

* * *

After breakfast, Carmen takes me with her to the couch in front of the television. It's on but I don't really pay it much attention. I think I hear the sound of Caesar Flickerman's voice though. She turns to me and I realise that there was simply a pause in our discussion, it isn't over yet.

"Why don't you go see her then?"

"Because she lives in district four." I point out.

"I know that. So why don't you go there?"

"Because you're here."

"So?"

"So I can't go! You need me here, remember? Besides, I like being with you."

"Look you can't always be here, can you? You live in district four don't forget. And you work in the Capitol. Sometimes we'll have to be apart you know."

I do know. That's what I didn't want to realise. "But…"

"But nothing. Go."

"Ok. But…" I attempt to argue.

"What did I just say?!"

"Fine. However," She sighs at my synonym but doesn't interrupt, "you have to come to the Capitol with me just once."

"Fine." She doesn't look happy with the agreement but she doesn't quibble.

Then we're interrupted as Rose plops down next to us. She gives me a smile before turning to the screen before us. I like Rose as she's always so friendly to everyone. I decide to watch the show that's on anyway. It's Caesar Flickerman. It seems that his show is always on no matter when you turn the TV on. I've had plenty interviews with him in my time. He seems like an alright man considering he's from the Capitol and he had a large involvement with the cruelty that was the Hunger Games.

I don't recognise the kid that's being interviewed but from the looks on Carmen and Rose's face, I should. Rose looks especially intrigued and shocked by the face on the screen. I suppose he does look a little familiar but I'm not sure who he is. My confusion is quickly cleared up by Caesar.

"_So how are you today Therron?"_

I only know one kid by that name: he's Therron Hawthorne son of Gale Hawthorne, ex-friend of Mrs Mellark and soldier in the war. He's pretty famous and he supposedly used to live here in district twelve. I've never actually seen him on TV, as he refuses to do any interviews, but I've met him in person when he's come to see my mum. He seems nice. His son, I have never met and I never expected to see him on TV since his dad won't.

I notice he's not answered the question. He just sits staring at Caesar, looking confused.

"Idiot!" Rose bursts out which shocks me. Is she talking about Therron?

"_Mister Hawthorne?" He checks his little ear piece and recognition crosses his face. "Oh, you're deaf. Ok, well I didn't know that. I suppose it makes this interview a little harder." He receives a little chuckle from the audience. Therron still looks oblivious to the situation._

_Someone runs on stage and hands Caesar a piece of paper and a pen to write his questions on. He scribbles something down and hands the paper to Therron. Unexpectedly, Therron speaks rather than writes on the paper._

"_I'm fine thank you. Oh and I can understand some things you say; I can lip-read some things."_

"_Ahh. The bird can sing!" He leans in and writes something else then asks it vocally for the audiences benefit._

"_So your father is a big figure head, yes? Well, how does that make you feel?"_

"_Proud." Comes his answer._

_Caesar simply nods. _

He continues with his questions until one catches my attention.

"_We hear you've built up a bit of a friendship with one of the Mellark daughters, yes?"_

I turn to Carmen. She never told me that they were friends. But it turns out I got the wrong daughter. Carmen nods her head in Rose's direction who frankly just looks a little scared in having been mentioned.

"_Em…yes I suppose so."_

_The audience makes appreciative noise of this information. Clearly they like the idea. Caesar scribbles down another question but this one he doesn't speak. It seems he is very intrigued for the answer. Therron looks at it a little disbelievingly before, for the first time, picking up the pen and scribbling the long answer. The cameras try and find an angle at which they can see the answer but none of them get it. I suppose it's a mystery. Caesar seems very pleased with the answer though._

_A few more questions come and then the show is wrapped up with Therron exiting the stage._

Rose is quick to leave then.

"I didn't know they…" I stop myself when I see that Carmen is paying me no attention. Her eyes are fixed on a point behind me. When I turn, I see that she's staring at Fern and Rye. I hadn't noticed them not joining us. Fern seems very interested in whatever nonsense is blurting out of Rye's mouth as she has her chin propped in the palm of her hands and is looking at him with what I can only describe as admiration. Suddenly, the radio behind them erupts with life causing them to both turn to it. Music squirms from the speakers in it and I notice Fern's eyes light up at the tune.

"I love this song!" She yelps.

Rye stalks over to her and lifts her by the hand from her seat. He drags her over to a clear space in the kitchen and he must have forgotten that Carmen and I were sitting right there. He spins her round and she giggles a little. They point their elbows at one and other and lock them together so they spin round in circles together. Smiles are plastered on both of their faces.

Once they're done dancing like that, he spins her around again and takes both her hands in his. It's not really a slow dance they do. Their hands bind together and their bodies sway to the rhythm. I risk a glance to Carmen's expression and she doesn't seem happy with their close friendship. It darkens significantly when the next song comes on and it's slower than the first. When I look back to the two, they are much closer than before and he's in the middle of dipping her towards the ground.

I choose that moment to distract Carmen before she murders her brother.

"Wait! If I'm going to be going to four, then I need to give you your birthday present. I was saving it for when I left so you'd feel happy when I did."

This seems to perk her up a little. I whisk her off the couch and through the front door. We head to the guest house quite quickly and when we reach it, we take an immediate left towards the room with all my things in. When we arrive, I realise how little time I've actually spent in this room. I mean, this isn't even where I've been sleeping though it should have been.

I walk over to the bed and open the drawer beside it. From it, I pull out the perfectly wrapped gifts. I suppose you could say that I went a little overboard with it. When I hand the many gifts to her she seems a little shocked at the amount of them.

"This is a lot." I shrug.

The first she opens is the notebook I got her at the market when I went out with Willow.

"Wow!" She says while examining its faded brown leather cover with a mockingjay on it. "I love it Finn!" She gives me a big hug then moves on to the next.

Next is the woven bracelet that I picked especially as it reminded me of the nets weaved in my district.

Then she opens the bow and arrow that I had specially carved to say 'song bird'. That was for many reasons like the fact that she told me her name means song, and that she loves singing so she in my song bird, and well just because it's pretty. She loved both of these gifts very much.

Next came the locket where I stuck the picture of her and I on the beach when we she was six. It's one of my favourite pictures as we both look so unbelievably happy and it was just such a good day.

Anyway, a lot of gifts and 'thank you's later, I gave her the one I'd originally planned to give her. The others, I'd only got when I was here, when I went to the market with Willow. This is my favourite of all the gifts and I hope it is hers too. When she opens it, at first she's not sure what it is. She thinks it's just a worn, old book but then when she opens it, she sees differently.

"Oh my god!" She says, and then looks at me, then back to the book. "Finn, I…"

"Don't. I want you to have it."

It's my notebook. I've had it since I was a kid and Carmen knows how protective I am of it because it means a lot to me. It's my favourite thing; I carried it everywhere. In it are drawings. I drew all the things I loved, things like sunsets, the beaches, the woods, my mum, what I imagined my dad to look like and Carmen. There are a lot of pictures in there of Carmen. Too many. It's unhealthy how many.

* * *

Carmen and I decide to spend one more time in the woods before I leave on the train later. As much as I want to see my mother, I can't bear to leave. I don't want to leave her. I love Carmen. But at least she'll come to the Capitol with me.

She rests her head on my shoulder as we stare at our reflections in the water. I barely see my own as I watch hers. The water ripples as the wind blows it. Everything here is so very peaceful and quiet, so much so that it feels as if time has stopped all together and the world is standing still, waiting. I run my fingers through the icy water and lift my hand watching as the water trickles down. Just like me, it wanted to go home to soon. It missed home.

But there's something that I learned while I was here. Home is where your heart is set in stone, not just where you lay your head. It's where you relax, where you go to rest your soul, not just where your meal's set. Home is where your safe, where your happy, where you're you. I'm just a fish that's learnt to fly, so I'm not a fish at all. And I'm not a bird at all because wings are for the sky, and home is supposedly the sea. Home is where you feel right.

District twelve is my home.

Carmen is my home.

* * *

_**A/N **As always, thanks for reading and review and stuffs._

_Also, important question, **DO YOU LIKE THE DREAMS/MEMORIES? SHOULD I KEEP DOING THEM? **Someone wrote in a review that they didn't really think I should keep doing them and honestly, that's fine, but I want a majority thing here. If everyone else likes them then it'll continue with them; if everyone agrees then they go out the window..._

_Thanks until next time_

_ME4427_


	19. Letters

_**A/N **Hello again everyone! I decided to do something a little different for this chapter and I hope you like it. Originally, I planned on doing something from Finn's POV in district four but I thought, like him, I'd miss Carmen too much. Anyway, this little idea came about as I was reading 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower'. It's a good book by the way._

_Anyway, here's the next chapter..._

_ME4427_

* * *

19. Letters

21st of October

Carmen Mellark

I know it's not even been long since we last saw each other but I couldn't help but feel the need to write to you. Ever since I got on that blasted train, my thoughts have been surrounding you and you only. I should really have been thinking of my mother, as I'm sure you've heard that she's not doing so well… I don't want to think of that right now though.

Anyway, I truly do hope you're doing fine without me. If I'm correct, you should have started school again by now. How's that going? How's everyone? I must admit, I have missed other members of district four beside you; Rose and Fern certainly do tend to brighten situations. And of course there's Rye too and my little baby bird. I hope they're doing fine.

With love,

Finn Odair

* * *

30th of October

Finn

I wasn't expecting to hear from you this way. I thought you would have rang via the phone. I was so sorry when my mum mentioned Annie's situation but I'm sure she'll be back on her feet soon enough. She always has been a tough one.

And to answer your questions, yes we're all doing well so stop worrying! Sometimes you really over think things Finn!

I told everyone how you wished them well and Willow's not stopped going on and on about you since! She misses you a lot I think. I had to take her out for a walk just to stop her blabbering but that didn't do much good either. Obviously, the ideal place for a walk is in the woods just outside of the district, so that's where I took her. At first, I worried that she'd get scared or something but it was quite the opposite. It turns out that she's more like mum than anyone thought! She actually ran away from me and when I found her, she was by our pond while holding a mockingjay! I have no idea how the hell she caught the darn thing but she did. I have a new found respect for her.

Oh and you know how Fern and Rye seemed _cosy_? Well, originally I was okay with his stupid crush, but when I saw signs of _her _liking _him_, I was like 'no'. Anyway, it's okay for now I think because she's spending more time with Ventus (you remember him right? Ventus Hawthorne).

I better get going.

I miss you.

Carmen

* * *

7th of November

Carmen

I would have used the phone but I haven't really been in the house much lately. Sorry about that. I've been out most nights. Actually, I've only been there a couple times, mainly to sleep.

I think mum's doing a little better now and she's happy to hear that I've been in touch with you so much. She seems glad that we're still talking this time…

I'm quite positive that you're right with my mum; I mean I've seen her far worse than she is. She's just a bit under the weather according to the doctor. We all get like that, don't we?

The story about Willow didn't surprise me much though. All Mellarks seem to just adore the outdoors! But catching a Mockingjay? Impressive. Did she do it with her own bare hands? I could never manage that one and I always thought _I _was good with animals.

As for Fern and Rye, I thought they were quite cute together when they were dancing around the kitchen and laughing together. It was sweet. I think you were upset because he's your brother, she's your friend, and you didn't want to be the third-wheel. I think she's far better off with Rye than a Hawthorne. Do you not remember Hunter? If she actually wants to hang out with that guy's brother then she must be delusional.

I've missed you so much Carmen and I really do want to see you again. Obviously, things are a little hectic here with mum and I've got work out in the Capitol but it is not long-term stuff right now. I just go for a day or so then come back to four. When I do the long stuff you'll be there. You promised.

Love you!

_Your _Finn.

* * *

10th of November

Odair

Why've you not been in the house Odair? In case you've forgotten, you have an ill mother who apparently is unable to do much on her own and what? You leave her? How very sensitive of you Finn. You know, I thought that all that stuff people said about you being heartless was complete bullshit, but know I'm thinking otherwise. How the hell could you do that?! _I _would never do something like that to anyone but especially family. Everyone goes on about how much you love that mother of yours; well this makes me think differently.

The fact that you need the doctor to tell you rather than knowing yourself is sickening.

And what you said about Ventus Hawthorne was much uncalled for! He's a perfect gentleman! You've met the boy yourself so how can you put him in the same boat as Hunter. Hunter is an ass and I won't deny you that, but the rest of his family are wonderful. It is absolutely horrible of you to say that Hazel, Ventus, Pluto and Maysilee are all bad people just because of Hunter. Actually, you didn't just say their family did you? Does that include Katrina Blizzard (Posy's kid in case you've forgotten that too)? Does that include Therron and Katonah Hawthorne?

As for you being too busy…I have no words. I think you forget that reporters follow your every step in the Capitol so I know perfectly well what you've been doing, or should I say _who_ you've been doing. Screw you Odair!

And don't say you love me.

I won't say it back.

C . Mellark

* * *

14th of November

Carmen

I do love you and I always will. I've been with no one else. I've also decided that it's best if I go to the Capitol on my own. Forget your promise.

And I know you won't say you love me back. We gathered that already. You don't have emotions like love, do you?

_I _love you _always_

Finn

* * *

26th of November

Odair

You are the most heartless man ever if that is all you have to say about my last letter. Do you not care at all about your mother? Do you not care at all at me? Is this all just some sick game of yours, because it's not at all funny?! Right now, I don't think I could loath you more. And don't think this information that you've said is being read only by me, because that's not even close to true. My family are yet to see these letters but Fern has read almost every one of them.

She loathes you too.

As for my promise, it is not forgotten as of yet. I will stick to that promise and I will come to the Capitol and I will be interviewed by those cameramen and I _will_ tell them all about the real you. You can't hide behind a camera lens forever Odair!

Since you seem unable to visit your own mother, I might just go and do it myself when school is out. She deserves someone who actually cares about how she is and clearly that's no longer you. I thought that, despite you whizzing off to the Capitol for those vain moments you call modelling, you were still the same guy. You're not. You're not even close.

You don't love me. You've confused yourself sweetheart.

You don't love me. You love yourself and no one else.

And you're right. I don't have emotions like love. I did.

C . Mellark

* * *

29th of November

Carmen

You don't know what it's like!

You judge me for working as a model but I have to. Mum can't pay for anything; she's a bloody wreck! I'm not saying I'm not but…

You say I'm heartless but I do have a heart. And it's breaking. I love my mum. I love you.

You want me to spend every moment with her? I can't. I can't even look at her when she's like this. I'm worried for her. I need her.

You don't understand and you never will! Why don't you just leave me alone?

That horrible guy

Finn

* * *

1st of December

Carmen

I'm writing to say I'm sorry. I really am. I wrote that last letter when I was drunk and I don't remember exactly what I said but it must have upset you. I shouldn't have written it and I truly am sorry for it. Will you forgive me? I am sorry.

Things are complicated right now and I'm spending a lot of time at my granddad's old pub down here. It's been closed a while now but it always reminds me of my dad. Do you remember it? The boathouse? You used to always laugh at its decorations when we were little. There's not much left to laugh at though. It's a dump.

The point is, I'm sorry and I miss your letters. Please start writing again. I get that you're busy with school and well, just life at home.

Please reply to me. I am sorry.

I know you didn't want me to say this but I love you.

Finn

* * *

22nd of December

Carmen

These letters are what keep me sane. Why don't you reply anymore? It kills me not to feel connected to you. Please answer me. You're taking my sanity Carmen!

You said we'd be fine if I left and this, this isn't fine! I can't take it! I need you. I can't keep doing this.

I love you! I love you so much!

I need you.

Please.

Finn

* * *

2nd of January

Carmen

Remember when I taught you to swim? Remember when you taught me to use a bow? Remember when I was '_fishy _Finn'? Remember when we smiled? Remember when we laughed? Remember when we baked in the bakery? Remember when we had that flour fight? Remember when we watched the sunset? Remember when we went to the market? Remember when we danced? Remember your birthday party? Remember when I got you those gifts? Remember when we hugged? Remember when we kissed?

Remember when you loved me?

I do.

Finn

* * *

25th of January

Carmen

I miss you. I need you. I love you.

Finn

* * *

14th of February

Carmen

Please reply to me! It's been so long since I read your words. Just to get me by, I read the old letters you wrote me and pictures I once drew of your smile. Are you still smiling? I'm sorry if I took your smile with me Carmen. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry for everything.

I'm sorry for being me.

Finn

* * *

19th of March

Carmen

I can't live like this anymore. I can't keep doing this.

Finn

* * *

20th of April

Carmen

Mum got worse.

Finn

* * *

1st of June

Finn

I know.

Carmen

Ps. that's a reply to all your messages.

* * *

2nd of June

Carmen

I meant it when I said I couldn't live like this anymore. I can't. I won't.

It has nothing to do with you when I say

I want to die.

Finn

* * *

_**A/N **Remember to push all those lovely buttons at the bottom there! It will be much appreciated!_

**I also have a poll on my profile that I would really appreciate people going to use. It'd help me very much and it won't take up much of your precious time. Thank you very much!**

_Also I'm considering becoming a betareader..._

_I hope you're all having a lovely summer!_

_ME4427_


	20. A Lot of News

_**A/N **I know it's not been long but I got excited and wrote more. I don't know how it got this long because I didn't intend it to be. I thought about splitting it into two chapters but I decided against it. Anyway, this is **BEFORE** she gets the letter so about 1st of April._

_Enjoy..._

* * *

20. A Lot of News

[Carmen's POV]

"So why is it you're mad at Finn?"

Fern sits on the sofa beside me sipping on whatever drink she concocted earlier. Even though she seems perfectly engaged in our conversation, I can tell she's watching something else, so I turn around to see what it is that's gripping her attention rather than me, to find my brother whipping up something for Willow in the Kitchen. I sigh. I thought she'd finally gotten past this weird infatuation with my brother. It's creepy!

"Because," I click my fingers in front of her face to bring her back to our conversation. She blushes a little, "he doesn't even seem to care that his mother's ill for a start, then he claims to be _busy_ even though we all know what that means and now he's harassing me like hell!"

"He wouldn't be harassing you if you actually replied to his letters Carmen! Besides, he hasn't sent you one in like over a month! Why don't you just say something?" She says.

"Yeah but, I just don't understand how he can be so heartless!"

"Who says he is? Maybe he's having a hard time! You know how much he loves his mum and this just doesn't sound like him! He said it himself that he can't stand seeing her like that, and when he told you to leave him alone, he was drunk! And yes he snapped at you before that but come on Carmen give the guy a break! Also why did you tell him that I loathe him? I do not. He's gotten so desperate in these last letters! Just reply!"

"I wouldn't know what to say." I mumble.

She gets up and runs upstairs towards my room. I wonder what it is that she's doing but when she returns a moment later, she's carrying the notebook that Finn bought me. It's the most beautiful notebook I've ever gotten so I don't want to ruin it with my writing, which is why it's currently blank.

"What's this for?" I ask clueless.

"For writing to him. If you use this, he'll know that you've kind of forgiven him."

I pull the notebook from her hands and look at all the notes he's brought that are now scattered across my table. I pick up the last one. It simply reads,

_Carmen_

_Mum got worse._

_Finn_

Before he sent the note, my mum had already told me. I still don't really know what's wrong with Aunt Annie but I know it's made mum and dad really upset. Dad now spends almost all of his time at the bakery but he doesn't seem to actually be making any cakes or bread because when he tried he got them really wet with what he said was water he spilt, but we all knew it was his tears. Mum, on the other hand, has spent almost all of her time out in the woods. It's not uncommon for this to happen and usually when they get like this I'm in charge but due to my recent _Finn Problems_, Rye's kind of taken over for me.

I really don't think there are any words for him that can make this any better and all I can think is _I know_. In the end I write,

_Finn_

_I know Finn but I'm sure things will get better and she'll be fine. She'll be ok. I just know. Stop worrying. You'll probably just be panicking her, that's if you're actually seeing her now. I'm still very annoyed at you for-_

"CARMEN! YOU CAN'T WRITE THAT!" Fern shrieks beside me and tears the paper up.

"Why not?!"

"Because his mum is ill and you're all he has! You don't want to say anything to upset him!"

"Well knowing Finn, there's probably nothing I can say then."

I sigh and start again.

_Finn_

_I know._

Then I get stuck. What can I possibly say? If I say she'll be ok, and then he'll just disagree, think how bad she is, and then get more upset. If I say she won't, well then he might agree. What can I possibly say?

I look at a different note.

_Carmen_

_I can't live like this anymore. I can't keep doing this._

_Finn_

And once again, all I can think is _I know._ Each note I pick up gets the same reply. I can't believe that that is all I can say to him right now. In the end, I write the following note,

_Finn_

_I know._

_Carmen_

_Ps. that's a reply to all your messages_

* * *

Fern and I decide to go out and get some air. Rose kept complaining she was bored so we had to take her along with us while Rye and Willow stayed home watching the TV. No doubt, they were probably watching more TV from the Capitol like Caesar Flickerman as that's all anyone seems to watch anymore.

"So Rose," Fern turns to Rose, "I was watching Caesar Flickerman the other day and guess who I saw?"

Rose knew exactly who. She blushed.

Ever since I watched that interview with Therron Hawthorne, with Finn, it's been on over-and-over again. Apparently, all the Capitol fools think he's adorable.

"Err, Finn?"

"Nope. It was Therron Hawthorne." Just the name makes Rose's cheeks go scarlet. Fern and I both laugh at her reaction.

"Look Therron and I are not together! He lives in district two for a start! Besides, mum hates me hanging around with him!"

"It's like a perfect love story! You're like your parents! Star-crossed lovers!" Fern giggles and sweeps her hands out in a very broad gesture. Rose rolls her eyes and knocks Fern's hand down.

"Stop it! Come on guys!"

"So how'd they meet, Carmen?"

"Well, he showed up with his dad at one of our parties and him and Rose instantly fell in love!" I laugh harder just as Rose shoves me.

"Can we please talk about something else?" She practically begs us.

"Ok."

We walk into the main part of town. Usually we'd go visit whoever was working at the bakery but I knew dad would be sobbing in the backroom most of the day so we ruled that out. If that was out the picture, we'd go to the forest but mum's probably in there hunting angrily. We rule that out too. It's annoying that that is where my mum chose to occupy because I've been itching to go use that bow and arrow that Finn got me. It's just so beautiful. I showed it to my mum when I got it, and she smiled and said it was the loveliest present she'd ever seen. Her smile got even bigger when I showed her the inscription. I showed her the other presents too and since she knew all about how precious Finn's notebook was, she thought it was really sweet that he gave it to me.

Instead we just walk around town. It's funny because almost everyone we walk past Rose knows. She smiles to most but some she even stops to have conversations with and it's just quite funny how different the two of us.

Eventually, we run into Pluto, Hunter's brother, and his friend Ivy. They're both in Rose's year and as soon as she sees them her eyes light up and she leads us over to them.

"Hi Ivy! Hi Pluto!"

Pluto is very shy though so he just gives a weak smile and stares at his feet.

"Hi Rose. Is this your sister?"

"Yeah this is Carmen and this is her friend Fern!"

"Yeah Fern and I are neighbours. We've met before." She gives Fern a weird look that I can't quite decipher. I turn to Fern and she just looks really uncomfortable by this girl. I can't help wonder why.

"I heard Finn Odair stayed at your house this summer! That is so exciting! I am so jealous!" She squeals and I can't help grimace at her excitement by him.

"He did but he's back home now."

"So I heard. It was on the TV that he was really depressed or something. All the pictures of him are either really angry or, more often, him crying. Isn't that so sad? I want to go over to four and give him a nice big hug!"

Finn's been crying? I know his mum's ill but he sounded like he didn't care.

"Yeah that's sad. Listen we've got to go! Sorry. Bye Ivy," She embraces Ivy in a little hug, "bye Pluto!" She embraces him too and his little eyes go wide with shock at the contact.

Just as we turn to leave I hear Pluto shout something to us which is so unusual for him.

"Carmen! Err we heard about Hunter." I shudder at the name, "and well just to let you know, he's gone to stay with Uncle Gale in two."

"Thanks Pluto."

We continue on our way and I can't help think his words over. '_We heard about Hunter_'. What did they hear? I assume it wasn't what really happened but it must have been bad enough for them to send him away. I wonder if Ventus said something after he saw me sprint from Hunter's room.

"What happened with Hunter?" Rose asks quietly.

I decide it's better to pick out parts of the truth rather than say nothing at all. It's also much nicer than the truth. "We had a bit of a fight and, well, he said and did some pretty mean stuff. That's why we broke up."

"I thought you broke up because you snogged Finn?" Fern says bluntly. I really could hit her.

"You what?!" Rose shrieks.

"She's twisting it. That's not what happened."

Fern just rolls her eyes.

* * *

When we arrived back at the house, Rose was hyper from going to the sweet shop her friends' parents owned downtown. Rose insisted that we went there, and then the woman working there went and gave her bags full of free sweets. I suppose being loveable pays off; I might try it someday. Rose shared some of the bags with us, saved one each for Rye and Willow and then ate the rest on the way back. She's almost bouncing with the amount of sugar in her system!

"HEY RYE! HEY WILLOW!" She screams excitedly when she bursts through the front door. Fern and I try our best to contain our giggles but some escape.

"Hey. You ok?" Rye rounds the corner and eyes her suspiciously.

"NO! I'M AMAZING!"

Rye turns to me, "What the hell did you do to our sister?"

"Nothing! She just had a little too much sugar."

"NO! I HAD JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT!" She shouts. "I GOT YOU THESE!" She throws the bag at Rye and he doesn't even have time to try and catch it before it hits him bag in the face. We all laugh at his expression and the fact that all of his sweets are now scattered on the floor.

Willow runs through from the living room, sees the sweets, grabs them and runs back to the sofa. She doesn't even offer a smile or a hello to any of us.

"What's she watching? It must be thrilling!" I ask Rye.

"Oh right. She's not watching anything. She's actually playing."

"With what?"

"Actually you should be asking with whom."

"Well, with whom? She doesn't really have any friends."

"That's what I though! And I didn't want to play with her all day. She tried to make me play dress-up." He scrunches up his nose in disgust. "So I thought I should find her a friend. The only person I could think of was Maysilee Hawthorne. I hope you don't mind."

I was taken a bit aback by that. I knew they were a similar age and all but still. "Oh ok. That's fine."

"I don't see why you didn't want to play with her. Dress-up can be fun!" Fern adds.

"Not when she tries to put you in one of the dresses Effie left." I end up laughing really hard at this which gets me a cold glare from Rye.

"Aww I'm sure you looked lovely Rye Rye!" Fern laughs. "Next time I'm playing with Willow we're going to hunt you down and dress you up like a pretty princess!"

"I'd like to see you try Clematis!"

I step around them to get away to somewhere that doesn't make me want to throw up. "Eww guys stop flirting!"

"We weren't flirting!" Fern replies very defensively.

When I walk through the living room, I see Maysilee sitting on the rug in front of the TV with my littlest sister. I'm happy to see that Willow is actually sharing the sweets with Maysilee. They also have paper and crayons scattered across the floor with various drawings on some of them. Most of the drawings just look like scribbles but there are some that look more like actual things. One of them is clearly the sunset, another I think is a tree and one is actually quite a good drawing of a bird.

"Did you draw this?" I ask Willow, gesturing to the drawing.

She nods and points to my notebook that lies on the table still, "I trace dat one."

I give her a smile. "It's very good."

I continue on into the kitchen to get a glass of water when I see a much unexpected sight. I stop and stare at the boy sat in my kitchen. His grey eyes are pointed down and his messy dark hair is flopping over his face. He looks up from his some notebook he's looking at on the table.

"Ventus? What are you doing here?"

He stumbles as he quickly stands up from his seat and slams the notebook shut almost in embarrassment. He towers over me as he's actually quite big. Hunter was always a smaller build than his younger brother. "Oh sorry Carmen! I just, err, dropped Maysilee off and then Rye said I might as well stay for a bit."

I ignore his odd behaviour and go get myself a glass of water from the cabinet.

"It's fine. I saw your brother out in town today."

"What? But Hunter left…" He says confused.

"Pluto."

I turn around with my now filled water and stand leaning on the counter. Even though we know each other from school, through Hunter and through Fern, this is still a bit awkward. Especially since the last time I saw him, I was running from his perverted brother.

"Oh right yeah! I forgot I had two brothers…" He says sheepishly while running a hand through his hair nervously. "Did he, err, tell you? About Hunter I mean."

"Yeah he mentioned it." I mumble.

"Look Carmen, I'm so sorry about not seeing if you were ok that night of the party. I should have come seen you after I saw you on the stairs crying. I really am sorry. He's such an ass sometimes but don't worry he won't come near you again."

As he speaks, he moves closer to me but not to an uncomfortable closeness, just to a nice closeness, almost protectively. I can't believe two people with such similar genes, turned out so very differently.

"Because he's in two? He'll come back someday you know."

"No, that's not what I mean." He looks down at his shoes.

"Then what do you mean?"

"Let's just say he knows what'll happen if he does."

"What do you mean? You threatened him?"

This time he looks right at me when he says, "Who do you think told him to go pay Uncle Gale a visit?"

"When did all this happen?"

"Just after I saw you. I went up to go ask what the hell Hunter did to you. The state of the room gave me a pretty good idea but I asked him, not very politely, but I asked him anyway, you know? I needed both sides so to say. Anyway, I don't think you want to hear exactly what he said to me, and I don't really want to repeat it, but let's say he was pretty ruffed up by the time I went back downstairs."

I'm a bit lost for words at his confession but I know that this situation will only get more awkward if I don't say anything at all.

"Thank you Ventus. You really are a much nicer guy than your brother."

"Well that's not exactly hard is it?" He laughs trying to lighten the mood.

Even though it's not something I normally do, I wrap him up in a friendly hug. It's not like the way I hug Finn, it's just a thank you hug. I rest my head on his chest, feeling his deep breathing when I do so and he pops his head on my head. It's nice. It's comforting. Since Finn left, I've not really felt comforted by any person and right now that's exactly what I need.

While we're still enveloped in each other's arms, I ask him something through curiosity. "What were you looking at before?"

"Oh, err, nothing."

"Tell me Ventus." I say sternly.

"Ok, but don't be mad or anything?" I nod against him, "I was looking at this notebook on the table. I think it was that Finn guys because it had his name carved into the cover page and there were a lot of pictures of you in it. Fern told me that you two are good friends. Well that's not exactly the words she used, more like 'more than friends but to stubborn to do anything' but whatever. The pictures were nice."

"Oh right that. He gave me it for my birthday."

"That's nice."

We stand like that for a little while longer. It's funny that not long ago, we felt so awkward with each other's company and now we're wrapped up together. I suppose that's what Fern meant when she said she liked him because he 'made things nice'. At the time, I had no idea what Fern was going on about like when she says 'Rye is cute', but now I actually understand what she means.

"What the hell?" Rye's voice sounds around the room.

Ventus and I immediately jump apart. It's not like we were doing anything we shouldn't be but it's still a bit awkward. Once again, Ventus runs a hand through his hair and I understand how it gets so messy.

"Rye, we're just friends." I say.

"Since when are you two friends?"

I look nervously at Ventus. Rye doesn't know what happened with Hunter, he just thinks we broke up because of arguments and stuff like that, and I'd really rather he didn't know because if he did, he'd be furious and most likely tell my parents. I don't think Hunter would look too good with an arrow through his head.

"Since…" I begin but Ventus decides to help me out thankfully.

"Since we both realised how much we hate Hunter."

"Yeah and we were hugging because…"

"She was upset a bit by the Hunter break-up because he's such a horrible guy…"

"And with Annie being ill…"

"And Finn being far away…"

"And Finn and I's argument via letter."

He gives us a funny look as we finish each other's sentences. He seems to buy it though as he just nods slightly suspiciously. I decide to add one final thing to seal the deal,

"Besides, as nice a guy as Ventus is, he's the brother of my ex…and when we first saw him, Fern called dibs."

This seems to shock them both a bit. Rye looks a little irritated but Ventus just looks really confused.

"Well see you boys!"

I give them a quick wave then head towards the door, grabbing my notebook on the way. Once I'm out of there, I walk back through the living room to check that the girls' are still playing nice, and luckily they are. The drawings are no longer occupying them, and their attention is now on two toy bears that I assume Maysilee brought since I've never seen them before.

When I reach the hallway, I head straight upstairs with the assumption that Fern is probably waiting for me in my room. As I pass Rose's room, I see that her sugar high is over and she's collapsed onto her bed. I make the decision that I should tuck her in under the covers, so I enter her room.

I can't resist the urge to have a little snoop while she's helplessly asleep. My eyes scan the contents of her desk and I find some of her sketches. It seems like she got some of my dad's artistic talents as they're all really good. She seems to like drawing people rather than landscapes, and I find a couple of me. They are really nice actually.

Then I come across a picture she's drawn of Therron Hawthorne and I can't help but smile at how sweet it is. Pinned to it, is a picture someone's taken of her stood next to him at the party where they first met and they both look so happy that I can't help but smile myself. She's wearing one of Effie's ridiculous ideas as that party, she thought it would be a fun idea to dress us all up like bloody birds! But there she is, somehow still looking nice, with a boy who is dressed normally and neither of them seems to give a care in the world. It's beautiful.

I leave my snooping there.

I go over to where she's splayed out on the bed and I gently lift her and tuck her under the covers. It's still early and she probably won't sleep tonight now, but she looks too sweet for me to wake up. It makes me feel like she's still so young when I see her like this.

* * *

When I eventually make it to my room I find an annoyed looking Fern on my bed. She gives me a stern glare but I can tell its playful deep down.

"Sorry I just got caught up."

"It's fine."

I go sit down next to her on the bed and her expression changes to one of confusion. She looks at me then leans in and sniffs me.

"What the hell are you doing Fern?"

"Why do you smell like Ventus?" She frowns.

"Why do you know what he smells like?"

"Answer my question!"

"Fine. We were talking about Hunter and how horrible he is and then, we hugged and before you ask no I don't like him, yes I know you have dibs and it was just friendly, ok?"

"What did Hunter do?" She asks quietly. "Is it what happened, or what I think was going to happen, at your birthday party?"

I sigh and nod. We remain silent for a bit until she turns to me and gives me a scrutinising look.

"What?"

"Where'd you get the necklace?"

I glance down to find the locket that Finn got me, and without words I take it off and hand it to her. She looks at it a second before opening it and finding the picture of Finn and I. She immediately nods as she understands.

"See you're not really mad at him or you wouldn't be wearing this."

"I am mad at him."

"For not going to see his mum when she was ill? Tell me Carmen, would you?"

"Of course I would!" She gives me a disagreeing look, "I think. Maybe. It's different ok!"

"Sure it is."

"Besides he cheated on me Fern! You saw the picture of him and that girl!"

"Yes but people are always looking for a story. Who knows when that was taken?"

"I guess."

"Let's go watch some TV."

It's a little squashed up on the sofa as there's not only me and Fern, but also Willow and Maysilee next to us, and Rye and Ventus at the other end. The sofa is only supposed to sit about three people maximum. We're all very uncomfortable.

"I don't think there's enough room for everyone here." Rye points out.

"Fine!" Fern huffs and gets up.

At first I think she's going to sit on the floor but that's not what happens at all. She walks over to where Rye and Ventus are, and sits herself right on top of Rye with her legs stretched out onto Ventus. They both look a bit shocked but Rye's face also has some smugness to it, probably because she chose to actually sit on him rather than Ventus.

"Ventus!" He turns to look at her. "You know what would be nice right now? A foot rub."

I really don't understand how she can do this without feeling uncomfortable, but sure enough Ventus starts rubbing her feet while Rye rubs her back with one hand. I roll my eyes and look to the screen begging that I don't see Finn.

To my luck he's nowhere to be seen because we're watching the news for some reason.

"Sorry, why are we watching this?"

"I don't know. Turnover then." Rye says.

"I can't! I don't have the remote!"

"Well find it Carmen!"

"You find it!" But I know Rye won't do that because I think he's perfectly happy as he is with Fern on his lap. So we sit watching the news instead. At first it's just boring stuff but then I hear one-phrase that gets my attention.

That one phrase sends chills down my back.

That one phrase makes me fear for my life.

That one phrase reminds me of everything.

'_Ultionem Snow'_.

They're the group that first put Finn and I in that dreadful hospital and caused all this fear and drama in my life! They're the group that have put lots of people's lives in danger for their own selfish cause. They're the group that think President Snow was right.

_A picture comes up on the news reporter's screen with the logo of 'Ultionem Snow' which is a single white rose with a red ring encircling it. Simple but effective. _

My mum once told me that the one scent she couldn't stand is that of Roses because it reminds her of him. That's part of the reason she called Rose that name: she wanted it to have nicer connotations to her.

_The news reporter looks down at their papers in front of them before speaking._

"_Today, a man was arrested on suspicion of having some involvement with the group known as 'Ultionem Snow'. He was seen in our beloved Capitol and appeared to be boarding a train like any other passenger. Security cameras at the main train station captured him acting very suspicious which lead security to study him. The man was stopped and searched, and at first appeared to be a perfectly average passenger. Then the security team on the job reported finding a mysterious device which was later found to be a bomb._

_The train was supposed to be going to district two and four, which are both famous for having war-heroes. It's alleged that the famous Finnick Odair Jr. was supposed to be aboard the train, but remained home rather than travelling to the Capitol, as his mother had fallen ill. Otherwise, he would have been working in the Capitol and this would have been his ride home. This isn't the first time he's been targeted by the group as only a year ago-"_

Rye finds the remote next to him and turns it straight over.

I'm still frozen.

"You Ok?" Ventus asks whilst gently prodding my shoulder.

I take a deep breath, plaster on a smile and nod a little. "Fine thanks."

We spend the rest of the time watching TV in silence. After a while, I get up to make some dinner for everyone and ask Willow to go check if Rose is awake yet. I decide that Rye is pretty happy where he is so I won't disturb him just yet.

"Hey Ventus!" I pop my head round the door. "You and Maysilee staying for dinner?"

"If that's ok. Pluto's out tonight anyway so he won't be home, and dad's gone to see Aunt Posy."

"Cool."

I would have asked Fern but she never goes home anyway. This is almost her home! I get to making some stew and am very thankful that I have my dad's ability to cook; mum couldn't cook to save her life! I suppose I'm like my dad in that I love cooking no matter what it is, however my favourite thing is definitely cakes just because I can decorate them afterwards. I hum a little tune my mum taught me a while back, that she says a friend taught her, while I chop the vegetables.

"Em, hey Carmen!" Fern chirps. My brother must be disappointed that she left. She skips over to me causing her blonde curls to spring up and down. She joins in the tune and helps me with a spare knife. "I was wondering…"

"Yes?" I probe.

"Well I thought it might be nice if we had a sleepover!"

"Yeah ok. Do you want to go get your stuff from home?"

"Oh no…no…it's fine." She shakes her head.

"Well what are you going to do then? You'll need a toothbrush and…"

"You have a spare." She interrupts.

"Well you'll need clothes and..."

"I can borrow yours or just wear these again." Fern wearing the same thing twice in a row? Weird.

"What about pyjamas?"

"I'll think of something."

"Well ok then. You know you practically live here now. When was the last time you went home?" I say jokingly.

"Em like this morning or something. I do go home. I do. I'm not over here that much!" She says defensively.

"Geez I was kidding Fern!"

"Oh right." She mumbles under her breath.

"Wow Carmen! You're a really good cook!" Compliments Ventus politely. I give him a nice smile as I pass him some of my dad's freshly baked bread.

"I helped!" Fern chimes in making us all laugh.

Rose wasn't awake when Willow went to check on her, but due to noisy little feet, she was awake by the time Willow left. She still looks a little groggy but as bubbly as normal. It's weird having all these unfamiliar faces around our table with us, but it's nice. Maysilee is making Willow very happy because they can talk together, and Ventus is talking to the rest of us. Suddenly, I hear the front door go so I quickly rise to my feet and go out to the hall.

"Hi sweetie! I hope everyone hasn't been to hyper today."

My dad embraces me and gives me a quick kiss on my head.

"No everyone was fine."

He's about to go to the kitchen but I put my hand on his chest to stop him.

"Is it ok that we have guests round?"

"Depends on who they are." He says with a light smile that tells me he's kidding. I tell him who they are anyway.

"It's just Ventus and Maysilee Hawthorne."

"And I assume Fern?"

"Yes she's staying the night too."

"I'm not surprised. When is she not here? Now I hope you cooked them all something lovely!"

"Of course!"

We come into the kitchen to find Maysilee and Willow in a giggle fit, Ventus laughing too and Fern stuffing bread in my brother's mouth. She drops it when she sees my dad.

"Hello Mr Mellark."

"Call me Peeta darling. You're here enough to have that privilege."

"Ok well hello Peeta."

"Hello dear. You two must be Ventus and Maysilee."

Maysilee nods happily while munching more bread. My dad reaches over and shakes Ventus' hand politely. He knows how obsessed Fern's been with Ventus so I suppose he was a little surprised that she was taking more of an interest in Rye.

My dad grabs a plate and joins us for food. We all talk and laugh so there's a lovely friendly atmosphere swarming the room.

"Do you know when mum will be back?"

"Sorry Rye I don't. I'm sure it'll be soon though."

"Ok."

After saying goodbye to Ventus and Maysilee, Rye takes Willow upstairs to bed since it's quite late. Fern and I also head up the stairs to my room to get in pyjamas. Since we head up a little after Rye took Willow up, we pass her room on the way and he's reading her a story. When I reach my door, I realise Fern isn't next to me so I turn around and see her watching Rye tell the story, with a smile on her face. I decide she can join me in my room in a bit. I get into my pyjamas and put my necklace from Finn safely away.

"Don't worry about the pyjamas; I've sorted it out."

I turn around and it seems she has sorted it. In her hands is my one of my brother's tee-shirts. I eye her strangely.

"You're going to wear my brother's shirt?" She blushes.

"It's not like that Carmen. He said I could and that it didn't fit him anymore anyway."

When I glance at the shirt, I see the familiar grey with the little white football logo on, and immediately know that he lied to her because not only does that shirt definitely fit him because he wore it last week, but that's his favourite shirt. I don't say anything though as she goes and changes.

Once she's ready we head downstairs to just watch some more TV. It's quiet so I figure that dad went to bed too. We go into the living room and plonk ourselves on the sofa.

"What do you want to watch?"

"Your house, your choice."

I flip the TV on and flick through the channels to look for something that looks interesting, when I come across a film. It seems to be a scary one and they're my favourite types of films so I put it on.

After a bit, Rye comes down and when he sees Fern wrapped up in his tee-shirt, he looks very pleased with himself. I suppose today's been pretty good for him considering how close he's gotten to Fern. He sits down next to her, so she's in the middle of us two.

Usually horror films don't bother me, but this was really scary. It wasn't so much the actual events but more that they happened out of nowhere which made me jump. I realised I wasn't the only one as Fern's eyes were huge and she looked terrified. Rye didn't look much better than her.

As I was watching, I thought the scary bits were over for that point, so I visibly relaxed and I saw everyone else do the same. I accidentally knocked something on the floor with my elbow, making them two jumps a little. I laugh and reach to pick it up. Apparently, I missed something particular scary because I heard Fern shriek, and when I turned around, for the second time today, I found Fern on Rye's lap. She had her face buried in his chest and he just looked stunned more than anything.

She stayed like that for the rest of the film which made it harder to enjoy. I was glad when the film ended and Fern looked a little sheepish as she climbed off Rye's lap, whilst muttering some sort of an apology, although I highly doubt he minded.

We climb the stairs and up to bed. Since Fern stays over quite a lot, she instantly knows where to sleep. It's not long before she's asleep but for some reason, I can't get to sleep.

My mind keeps going to Finn as I wonder how he is. Maybe I should have written more; maybe I should have comforted him more. But I remind myself that it's too late now.

It's unlikely he'll receive my letter for a few days and I wonder whether I'll get another one from him before then. I really miss him and when I read those letters, as he slowly got more desperate, I'd be lying if I said it didn't break my heart a little. He probably thinks that the drunken letter is what upset me but it wasn't, I just didn't want to argue with him anymore.

The one about his drunken letter was warming because he actually sounded like himself again especially when he talked about 'the boathouse'. I miss him.

The one about how much he loved me made me realise how petty I was being because straight away I knew he meant it. I couldn't doubt his love for me.

The one about all the things he wanted me to remember was my favourite because he knows that I could never forget all those things. They meant so much to me.

The one about those three short phrases affected me because that just really summed everything up again. They were all so true.

The one about being sorry and my smile almost made me write to him because it hurt when he said 'I'm sorry for being me' because he shouldn't ever say things like that. I wonder if he meant it.

The one about him losing hope broke my heart because he was so desperate. I knew he meant all of it.

The one about his mum made me need him because I knew he'd be hurting. I wanted to help.

I wonder if he thinks I stopped reading these letters. A single tear escapes my eye and trickles down my cheek, but I choose not to wipe it away.

Eventually I slip into a dream.

* * *

_I was in the woods. They weren't my woods. The trees loomed over me, glaring down on me as I took steps further and further into the darkness surrounding me. The moon was like an iridescent torch in the sky as it was my only source of light. The worst part of it was that a strong sense of loneliness overpowered me and I felt so helplessly lost and sad. There was no one but me._

_I heard someone step on a twig behind me and it made me jump. Immediately, I spun round to find more emptiness around me, but I was sure that someone was there so I scoped the area in search of them, yet I came across nothing._

_My heart pounded like a drum in my chest ,and my throat felt as heavy as a rock, as if I'd been crying. Even my eyes stung with salt water but I couldn't will myself to cry. It was odd. I could feel grief like nothing I'd ever felt but it didn't matter; I could shed a single blood tear. It was infuriating really!_

_I heard a low growl behind me so I took off in the opposite direction in an attempt to ditch the creature. When I felt I'd ran quite far, I looked around again but I was stunned as I took in the setting: I was in the exact same clearing as I had been._

_I ran in away again but once again, I was in the same clearing. I examined it more closely now though and came across a tree with 'V.H' carved into it. The letters meant nothing to me but I felt a chill sliver through my body. In turn, I went to each tree and they all had two letters on them like 'A.O', 'T.H', 'P.M', 'K.M' and 'F.C'. On each and every tree some letters were carved and I had no idea what they meant._

_Then I reached one that was different to all the others. It was no different in its appearance but I _felt_ it was different, important almost. This one read 'C.M' and it had a mockingjay carved in next to it. That's when I heard another twig snap, so I whipped around but this time I did see someone._

_Stood by the tree, so close our shoulders almost touched, was a very pale-faced Finn. That's actually the moment when I noticed everything was black-and-white besides him. He had tears in his eyes and flowers in his hand, but then he laid them at the base of the tree and stepped back._

_I saw the woods differently then._

_These weren't just trees; they were graves. The letters were initials for names and the ones I had seen were that of my family and friends. I took a closer look at the tree before me and took in the initials: 'C.M' was 'Carmen Mellark'._

_Finn looked exactly where I was stood but he didn't see me; I was a ghost to his eyes._

_I lost it then. I sank to the ground and sobbed into my hands. I stayed like that for what felt like hours when something caught my attention._

_The scent of burning filled the air. When I looked up, the whole outline of the clearing was in flames like a ring around me. I started screaming for Finn to come but he didn't. I felt like a bird trapped by a hunter without any means of escape and I felt even more lost. I thought, perhaps, that was how I died and I was reliving it, but I was so very wrong._

_This wasn't my death._

_I heard a familiar scream which shattered my glass heart and left me cold and numb. I was trapped, hopeless and unable to help but I could hear him. I tried to cover my ears but it didn't block it out. In the end I shut my eyes and tried to be somewhere else._

_When my eyes opened again, I was in front of my tree again. This time, there was a tree next to it and they were so close, it looked like that the branches were intertwined like a couple holding hands._

_I looked at the initials._

_They read 'F.O'._

* * *

"Carmen are you ok?!"

I woke up to Fern peering over my bed. I must have been screaming in my sleep from the horrible nightmare I just had. Since the _accident_, I've always had nightmares that involve fire in some way, but that was just creepy.

I give Fern a weak nod before climbing out of bed. We make our way downstairs and into the kitchen. My mum's there happily drinking a cup of coffee while my dad cooks pancakes. Rye, Rose and Willow are all already there. Rose gives a look to me about what Fern is wearing but I just shrug.

My mum looks up from her coffee and gives me a warm smile before noticing Fern's clothing.

"Is that Rye's shirt?"

My dad looks up then. He glances to Rye, who's blushing, to mum, who's smirking, to Fern, who's also blushing.

"Yeah. I was going to go home and get my stuff but…it's…em…quite far away. I just thought this was easier."

She sits down in the conveniently available seat beside Rye and gives him a sweet smile that makes him blush more. We all enjoy breakfast.

"Carmen, there's a letter here for you."

I take it from him and open it up to find…

_Carmen_

_I meant it when I said I couldn't live like this anymore. I can't. I won't._

_It has nothing to do with you when I say_

_I want to die._

_Finn_

I drop the glass I'm holding, and it shatters when it makes contact with the floor. I stare at the letter as everyone stares at me. I try and swallow the lump in my throat but it won't budge. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

My life was pulled from underneath my feet by this one letter.

I should have seen this coming; I should have known he'd get like this again.

I don't even look back at my family as I drop the note and run straight out of my house.

This can't be happening. This can't be real. This has to be a dream.

* * *

_**A/N **Wow well done if you made it this far! And to be clear, there is nothing romantic between Ventus and Carmen: they are just friends! Some questions for you:_

**_Which characters would you like to see more of?_**

**_Will you PLEASE go complete the poll on my profile?_**

**_Did you enjoy that?_**

**_Which couples do you like?_**

_I love reviews and they will make me update faster..._

_ME4427_


	21. Drowning in Sorrow

_**A/N **Wow this is short compared to last time! Oh well. I had to write this one short for various reasons, but hopefully it won't be long until the next update!_

_WARNING: This is sad...very sad..._

_I was too tired to read over this so sorry if there's mistakes._

_Thanks to everyone who's reviewed in the past! They make me smile!_

_ME4427_

* * *

21. Drowning in Sorrow

[Finn's POV]

I sit on the beach watching the tranquillity of the waves. The sand is warm from the sun's beating glare fixed on it constantly, but I find the heat to be overwhelming rather than calming like usual. Today there is nothing close to _usual_ going about.

I can't decide how long I've been here but I figure it must be a while. As the hours pass, I just become number and number to the whole world, so-much-so, that the hunger I originally felt from lack of food subsided into nothingness. Finally, the camera's that previously stalked my movements and framed my face, have left me or lost me, which brings the closest thing to happiness I've felt in a while.

It's not uncommon for me to sit on this beach and mourn my life. The gentle breeze that hugs me as it passes, the waves that chirp happily as they lap each other, the sand that cushions my fall- they all are my only means of comfort, the ones who won't judge me, and for that I am grateful. But I can't help wish they were Carmen.

I pushed her away from me and I miss her so much to a degree that physically hurts me. I meant it when I said I need her, because without her I'm nothing at all, and I'm the worst version of myself. Before and after the worst of me, she's there to help heal my soul and mend my aching bones. Where is she now? I shouldn't depend on her like I do because she deserves far better than I can offer her but when I sit here and cry, I realise I do need her.

I need her to be able to breathe, more than my lungs.

I need her to be able to feel, more than my fingers.

I need her to be able to smile, more than my lips.

I need her to be able to live, more than my heart.

But I don't have her so I can't breathe, and I can't feel, and I can't smile, and I can't live.

Remembering the way that we used to be hurts me a lot, but I can't help doing it. I love to think of the way I got to watch her lying asleep in my arms, and everything was perfect. But I worry that she'll just forget me, or worse regret me.

Her blue eyes own me and I miss her so very much because of it; they melt my heart.

I tried pretending to be okay, but that just backfired, didn't it? She hates me now. I didn't think I needed her, but I was so very wrong.

Longing to feel her hand in mine while we both try to figure this out, but unfortunately, it's just my perfect fantasy. She's always here.

I should have stayed a moment longer with her, because now everything we worked for has been washed away.

Now she won't even return my letters; there's no memory of me left. I want to believe this isn't real and she still loves me, but I'm wasting my time; it's not me on her mind.

Now I see her face in the crowds but it's never really her that I'm looking at, just a cruel mirage. I've tried my best but all my letters will not do, no matter how many times I tell you I was wrong, so I'm just holding on. I want to tell her I love her. I feel like my life is sinking and my love is drowning.

I wish I could have been there for my mother when she's ill, and unlike Carmen thinks, I do love her and I want to be with her, but I simply can't. I can't bring myself to look at her when she's weak, when she's vulnerable, because it tears me into a million pieces and I can't…I just can't. It seems to me, that I've lost everyone right now, everyone I love.

The tears that drip down my from my eyes soak me to the skin, so I scramble from my place and walk slowly towards the water. When I'm in water, my pain can be concealed and I can wash the memories from my sunken eyes and dead smile, from sleepless nights. As I walk, I don't feel like I'm myself, almost as if I'm a ghost to my own eyes, and it scares me. This is truly my dark side.

The sand scrapes my feet as I walk, but when I reach the water it feels like a fresh paradise that's truthfully irresistible to me. I feel like a wave on the sea of desperation, like I don't have to pretend that I reach the marks of perfection. My surface beauty is wearing thin and my inner beauty is long burnt out. I imagine this is how a desert feels in the rain, or an attempt to calm the swelling sea.

The sea dilutes my pain.

I run my rough fingers through its thin demeanour as I plunge deeper into its current.

My body creeps further and further into the water before me, without ceasing, almost as if this is my challenge to overcome. More and more of my body become cleanses until I reach the point where the tip of my chin caresses the water. My feet remain firmly planted in the sand and stones beneath me. The scene reminds me of words that Carmen once said to me,

"_We're like sea and land you know." She said with a smile._

_I laughed, "Really? How's that then?"_

"_We're usually so far apart, but there are those times when we come together, and those are the best times for both of us; we unite as one."_

"_Wow. Look at you, you poet!" I mocked._

"_Whatever Finn! Also, you basically _are_ the sea considering how much time you spend in it!"_

"_You can't talk! How much time are you in the forest?"_

"_See that's what I mean, I'm the land."_

And it became my favourite metaphor for us, because I realised it was so very true. The thing is though, what are the two elements without each other?

That's not why I'm here though. That's not why I wrote that letter to her. That's not why I said I wanted to die.

I want to die because I realised who I am.

When I was growing up, I heard the constant comparisons with my father and I, and I found it hard to be my own person. Then, as I got older, I started hating who I became. I wondered whether my father really _was_ like me at all, but I hoped not, else I'd have to hate him too. But that wasn't the side of me that was awful. The side that I truly do loathe is this one, where I'm spiteful and cruel to the people I care about, where I run home scared and lonely, where I can't even face my own mother and be there when she needs me.

I am the worst kind of person.

And the world would be a better place without me.

So for once in my pitiful life, I'm going to do everyone I love something nice, something to help them.

I look out at my home just on the crust of the beach and I think of my mother bed-ridden there. I look out at the vast ocean that I always wondered where led. I look my hands and think of the way it felt when I touched Carmen. I say goodbye.

Scooping up water is hard, but I manage to get some to splash on my face to awaken my senses.

I dip my head under once, then again, then again, and then I stop and don't come up again. I dive down and my mouth opens to let the water flow freely in. It burns my throat and my eyes but I continue. As much as I need to go back up, I don't. I start to choke and crave the sweet taste of air as my senses explode, probably along with my organs.

I think of mum, and I think of Carmen, and I think of life.

I breathe in more water until the world goes black.

* * *

_**A/N **So what did you think of that?_

_Reviews inspire me to write more :)_

_ME4427_


	22. Never Let Me Go

_**A/N **Why hello my lovely readers! Thank all of you who have taken the time to read this story so far! It is you people who keep me inspired._

_And I just realised that this story has **77 REVIEWS ** so far and well that made me smile so much! Thank you all!_

_Here's the next chapter..._

* * *

22. Never Let Me Go

[Carmen's POV]

My feet are constantly moving as I sit on this train showing how unsettled I feel. As soon as I received his note, I ran and ran, until I reached the train station where I hopped on the first train to district four. The funny-well not exactly _funny_-thing is that I don't even know for sure that he's there; he could be in the Capitol for all I know. But here I am, on a train to district four to meet my friend (well are we still that?) who wants to die, while I'm in my only my pyjamas and probably look a little crazed. The thought of how ridiculous the situation I'm in is, makes me burst out laughing at myself, causing me to look far crazier than before.

People give me a number of looks, some that say '_you need help', _and others that say '_what the hell is wrong with you?', _and some that just say '_keep the hell away from me'._

I received the same ones when I sprinted from my home, through town, through the station and onto a train. I think I heard someone come after me, but I can't be sure. If there was someone, they probably got some similar looks to me. Those cameramen who snapped my picture are probably giving themselves a headache trying to think of where I was going and what I was doing.

My gaze lands on the world beyond the window of the train. It all whizzes past me so fast that I can't make any of it out, but it looks beautiful all the same, and it mesmerises me as the colours blend together like paints on their pallet. It makes me think of the way that people sometimes blend together in crowds into a blurry mush of human features, and how when such happens, it can be hard to pick out the individual. Maybe that's how Finn feels.

My heart tears a little when I think of him like this, empty and alone. I hope to God that I make it to him in time, before he does something stupid, if he's not already.

This isn't the first time he's been like this and I don't think it'll be the last. I close my eyes and remember when I asked him why he gets so depressed sometimes. We were sat on a bench in a park in four.

"_I don't get depressed." He said defensively with a little pout which made me smile a little. He really couldn't try to defend himself here._

_I'd wondered my question quite a lot, but I thought it best not to ask him while he was depressed else it may make it worse for him._

"_Yes you do."_

_He let out a very long sigh that sounded like all the wind of the world coming out. He looked me right in the eyes and I saw that our joking was all gone; we were very serious in that moment._

"_It happens when something bad happens. It doesn't have to be much, just enough."_

"_Like when you and I have arguments." I supplied helpfully. Our eyes remained locked throughout the transaction, as if the information were not verbal at all, but being sent right from him to me._

"_Yes and I feel like I've lost you and it tears me up inside, like everything I know is ripped out from under me."_

"_That doesn't sound like something that one little thing can cause."_

"_Ok different metaphor then: it's like every time something bad happens, no matter how big, it pushes a big safe a little bit more open, and it's got all the emotions inside. When it opens all the way, they can escape, and it could have only been a small push at the end that was very insignificant. _

"_Now this safe is locked very complicatedly, but these problems, they just pop it right open. And once it's open, no matter how small the problem that opened it was, it's hard to shut again so all this stuff that didn't originally upset you just comes pouring out! And you can't stop it unless you shut the safe but by that time, it may be too late and all your stuff is out in the open._

"_What happens to me is all this little stuff happens and it doesn't bother me too much. But then something, something so small, just tips the scales over the edge, and all of it comes rushing out and I'm overwhelmed with sorrow, and I break apart._

"_The worst thing is, when it's happening, I don't realise it is most of the time."_

_When he stopped talking, we just sat in silence for a bit as I digested the information. Everything just seemed really quiet without the sound of his voice, but there was nothing I could think of to say to him after that._

I don't remember what I did say. But I do remember what he said.

As soon as I read his note, I knew that this was happening again and I feel so guilty for not seeing it coming. Each little thing-his mum being ill, he and I falling out, stressful work in the capitol, being stalked by cameras, and my lack of responses-pushed him further and further until he broke. I just hope that I can put him back together.

I put my head in my hands as I take in the fact that this is entirely my fault! Yes I couldn't prevent his mother being ill but I could have been there for him!

The train journey seems to take much longer than usual. As it was a last minute decision, I didn't manage to book one of the private cabins like I usually do (since I'm a Mellark) which means I'm in the part of the train that is much less clean and, well, habitable. Maybe the lack of things to entertain me, which I usually take for granted, are what's drawing out the time, or perhaps it's the nervousness I'm feeling for Finn.

When the train stops at district nine, I feel myself becoming more and more aggravated at the speed it's travelling. A young man, with longish black hair and a grotty beard, boards the train and he sits down, in the seat opposite to me, with a newspaper perched in his hands. Despite looking not much older than I, he looks very business-like in his light grey suit. Perhaps, he's going to work as a lot of people nowadays work in other districts rather than their own, as the work field is still a little narrow when it comes to choice of career. Most districts still do what they did back in the days of the Hunger Games, mainly because they have the workers and the facilities, although there are more varieties of jobs about than their used to be.

When I look up, the picture on the front catches my attention. It must have only just been printed. I didn't know they could write and print articles so quickly.

"Excuse me," I say, before I know what I'm doing.

He looks up from the article that he's reading, and when he catches sight of my outfit he gives me a strange look. Then he glances to my face and recognition crosses his immediately, as I am pretty famous.

"Y-yes?" He stutters out. He's probably a bit star-struck. A lot of people, who aren't close to me, find it a bit unnerving talking to me since I'm famous or something, but I tend to ignore it.

"Is it alright if I take a quick look at your newspaper?"

"Of course. Here take it! You can keep it Miss Mellark!"

He hands it over to me so quickly that it crinkles a little. I give him a small smile in gratitude which he seems overwhelmed by.

I flip over to the front page and firstly stare at the image that greets me: it's not of me like I assumed the pictures taken in my district would be. The image is of Fern and Rye together just outside the train station, amongst a crowd of people. They must have run after me together, and by the looks of it, they didn't think too much about what they were wearing.

Fern is dressed _only_ in Rye's t-shirt that she borrowed, which apparently even the newspapers know is his favourite, and Rye is shirt-less and wearing only his underwear. But that's not the part that makes my eyes go wide. Fern has her hands on Rye's chest, and he has his hands placed on her ass.

I just stare at the picture and wonder what the hell they're doing!

"That's your brother isn't it?" The man across from me speaks up.

"Em yes it is."

"Who's the girl? Is she his girlfriend or something?"

"No. She's my best friend Fern Clematis."

"Clematis? She's a Clematis?" He asks with a shocked, slightly worried, expression.

"Yes…"

"I thought I recognised her! My cousin lives next door to her."

"You mean Ivy?"

"Yeah. You know her?"

"Not really. She's in my sister's year at school."

"Rose isn't it?"

"That's the one. So since you obviously know my name, what's yours?"

"Hemlock Birch."

He holds his hand out and I shake it firmly.

"Carmen Mellark." I reply.

"So tell me Carmen, why exactly are you in pyjamas?"

"It's a long story."

"I've got time. I'm not getting off until seven."

I sigh. "I came out in a rush after receiving an urgent letter from my friend. I didn't have time to get dressed because the sooner I get there the better."

"So where you heading in such a hurry?"  
"Four."

"I'm assuming the friend is a Mr Finn Odair Junior, am I correct?"

This man's probing attitude is starting to bother me a little but I answer his questions all the same. Some parts I leave out, like Finn wanting to die, but I tell him most of what he wants to know. The questions are constant and he's starting to give me a headache. They range from things like "so are Fern and Rye together?" and "are you and Finn together?" to things like "what do you think of the work of Ultionem Snow?" and "how do you feel about your parents having been in the Hunger Games?", but those are some of the ones I avoided a little.

I can't say I'm not relieved when his stop swings around.

"Well thank you Carmen."

"For what?" I ask. Why is he thanking me? Hemlock is a weird guy.

He smirks and it makes me feel a little sick. "For giving me an interview. This is definitely going to satisfy my boss and get me that promotion that I wanted ever so much."

My mouth drops open as he gives me another smirk and walks off of the train into the platform. I should have known he was a reporter, I mean his questions were peculiar and he said he was going to Seven. Nowadays, a lot of the trees in Seven are cut down and used to make newspapers. Most of the reporters go elsewhere, but actually work in Seven. He was probably reading one of his own articles in the newspaper.

I flick through it and find the page he was on. Sure enough it says '_written by Hemlock Birch'_. I let out a little cry of frustration that draws more attention to me, and then I slam the newspaper down on the floor. How could I be so stupid?!

For the rest of the train journey, I just sit and stare out the window, that is until I slip into a dream, well actually it's more like a nightmare.

_I ran. _

_I couldn't remember what it was that made me run so fast, but something did, so I ran. Briefly, I thought that something was chasing me, but when I turned around, I found myself to be completely alone. It was surreal._

_The sound of my footsteps, echoing as they hit the concrete, was the only noise to fill my ears, not a single bird to be found. This too was surreal._

_My surroundings were bare until I came across a grey building. Again I found it surreal._

_The grey giant loomed over me with an intimidating stance, and my eyes quickly scanned it finding not a single window in sight, making me see it as more of a prison than anything else. It was not a prison though, as it was a house, but I couldn't imagine any person in their right mind living in such a place._

_The air smelled funny._

_Slowly, I approached the house and I felt a strong sense of belonging near it though I was certain it was not my own house. Such feeling, led me to open the pale wooden door before me, without having knocked at all. The door was rusty and creaked a lot so I figured any inhabitants would be alerted at my presence in their house._

_I would call it a home but I did not see it as one._

_The hall was a very dark blue-darker than the ocean blue-and it was lined with hundreds of ornaments and paintings. There was a large fish on the wall that had its eyes ripped from their sockets, leaving old stale maroon blood. It sickened me, and this is coming from a girl who hunts animals._

_The air smelled funny._

_Each painting was in oil. They were all very creepy too, and they were all of horses, which I found particularly odd. All of the horses were in situations that I can only describe as massacre scenes, with knives in some and some missing body parts etc._

_The air smelled funny. _

_As I moved down the corridor, it only seemed to get longer and longer before my very eyes. Giving_ _up, on the idea of reaching the end, came quickly and instead I decided to turn left through a brown archway. The room was very dark but I made out furniture like bookshelves and a desk that led me to believe it was a study. There was a small light coming from the far corner that allowed me to see such detail but not much more._

_The air smelled funny. I could not place the scent._

_My eyes focused in and I noticed a figure perched in the seat behind the desk. He appeared to be staring at the wall where a window should be perched as if he could see the world beyond it. Curtains even hung on either side of where this imaginary window should surely be, but there weren't even any marks indicating that there had once been a window. It was almost as if the curtains were merely a taunt at this poor man before me._

_The man had his back to me so I couldn't make out his face, but there was definitely something familiar about the way he held himself and the mass of messy bronze hair atop his perfectly sculpted head._

_Then I finally placed the scent that had been bothering me all this time. I'd smelled it outside the house, then when I came inside, then when I walked towards this room and now in here. Every step I took, it got stronger and stronger._

_The smell was smoke._

_But there was nothing on fire that my eyes could see._

_I ignored that, and made my way over to the figure that didn't even flinch when I touched his shoulder. I gently turned him around and couldn't suppress the gasp that erupted out of me like a bullet. _

_It was Finn._

_But that's not why I gasped. I wish that had been my reason for it wouldn't have scared me like this. Just like the fish, his eyes had been clawed from their sockets leaving a mess of stale blood._

_I screamed and screamed and screamed._

_I sat and shook in the middle of the floor._

_And I screamed._

_And I screamed some more._

_And some more._

_What got me to stop screaming was when the fireplace in the room started spitting sparks at me. It spat and spat until something caught light. But I didn't scream. I laughed. I was grateful that something would wash away that painful image locked away in my brain._

_And it did. It did wash away the pain of it._

_When the fire was done with us, even though I wasn't there, I saw the new picture on the wall in that very long corridor. It had one horse without eyes and another that was huddled in the middle of the floor, helpless. Both were on fire._

I wake on the train and I let out a very loud scream that seems to startle a lot of the other passengers aboard. Almost all of the people in my cabin turn to eye me oddly, which makes me just slightly self-conscious, if I'd not already been.

I settle down and look out the window to find we are stationary, but not only that, we are in district Four. Realising that I'd slept the rest of the journey, I quickly grab the newspaper I received from Hemlock Birch and get up from my seat to run to the nearest door.

When I step off the train, I receive more glances in my direction but I don't care too much.

The air here is warmer and it has a nice crisp, saltiness about it that I find quite nice. It's quite a hot day here but luckily there seems to be a gentle breeze to cool me a little. I don't have time to relish it too much though, as I have to find Finn and fast.

I run (unfortunately like in my dream) through the train station and quickly outside. There, I am greeted by a crowd of cameras who snap my picture incessantly but I don't really give them the time of day.

Making my way to the Odair house is basically a memory game and it doesn't help that I'm completely on my own either. I walk through the town, where I am stared at quite a bit, and towards where I think the Victor Village is. Luckily, I am correct with my sense of direction for once and I come across number eight there. This is actually Finn's father's house, because he was the eighth winner of the Hunger Games to come from this district. Annie's is technically number nine but she never goes there.

After knocking on the door and receiving no response, I find the spare key hidden behind one of the garden's shrubs and use it to make my own way in. I know that they won't mind my entrance.

"Finn? Annie? Are you here?"

I hear a faint call from Annie's room but it's so muffled that I can't make it out. I bound up the stairs and knock before entering her room. She's laid in the middle of her large bed and she is covered from head-to-toe in a layer of blankets. I can't even imagine how hot she must be under that many layers.

Her green eyes immediately brighten when she sees me and she silently ushers me over to her. I do without hesitation.

"Carmen dear, is that you?" She whispers in her silky voice.

"Yeah. I came to see how you were doing." I half-lie.

"Oh me," She leans back into her pillow, "I'm fine dear."

"Where's Finn? Is he not looking after you?"

She shakes her head. "He won't come. He's not been to the house. He's not eaten. I'm worried." And I can see the worry plain on her face. Her eyes shut and she's gone for now. I sigh and get up from her bed.

I wonder where Finn could be. He's obviously still in the district but where? Where would Finn go? Then it hits me! He'll be where he always is when he gets sad. I run out onto the little deck that overlooks the beach but when I scan it, I don't find him. Usually he'd be sitting on the sand but he's nowhere. I start to panic but then I spot him.

He's in the water and even from here, I can see the slump in his shoulders. But when he's like this, he never goes in the water. He just watches it. He doesn't see me at all.

Then he goes under.

And he doesn't come back up.

I jump over the deck railing and sprint across the sand so fast that most of it sprays up at me, coating my legs. I never noticed how long this stretch of beach is before until now and it takes me ages to get to the end. When I reach the water's edge, I'm glad that Finn taught me to swim.

I swim as fast as I possibly can out to where he was standing only moments ago. Taking in a deep breath, I dive under the water and my eyes scan for him. I see him near the bottom and this bit's quite deep. I swim down despite my lungs begging me not to and when I grab him, I see that his eyes are shut and he's not breathing.

Not long after we surface, I drag him back to shore and throw him onto the sand. I don't even think about all of this before I start pumping his heart and trying to get air back into his lungs.

He has to breathe.

He has to breathe.

He has to breathe.

He has to live.

Tears stream down my face but I don't let up.

And then I hear something, like a puff of wind, but at that moment the sound of breathing is the most beautiful of symphonies. His eyes don't open but he's breathing and that's what counts. Even if he's not aware of it, I hug him so tight and kiss him so much.

"Finn?"

I see him stir at his name and I think he's close to waking up. He still looks much paler than usual, so I put the bucket by his bed in case he still has some water to cough up.

His eyes open and he looks fairly confused by his surroundings, that is until his eyes land on me. He looks at me with so much emotion, and then he smiles so brightly and closes his eyes again almost peacefully.

I can't help it any longer so I go over to him and pull him into me tightly. My face buries in his shoulder and he runs his fingers through my mess of dark hair, soothingly. Then he whispers something in my ear that makes me freeze with shock.

He says, "So this is what heaven is like. I always knew you were an angel."

I pull back reluctantly from him and look him straight in the eyes, to find not a hint of joking.

"Finn you're not dead."

His smile actually falters at this news, but then he just looks even more confused.

He looks at me, in my no sopping wet pyjamas, and he just stares as if trying to make sense of things. I decide it might make it slightly easier if I start to explain things. I push him back against his pillow as he needs to relax, but he's not lying down as it's propped up. I sit on the bed with him.

"I read your letter and I came as soon as I did. Then I saw you…" And my voice cracks and I tear up again. He wraps his arms around me and holds me against his chest.

"I thought I lost you Carmen."

"Oh you can talk!" I almost shout at him. "How could you do that Finn?"

He looks away. "I just…I thought I lost everything."

I take his chin in my right hand and move it so he has to look at me. When our eyes connect, I press a soft kiss to his lips. "You'll never lose me Finn."

And his smile gets so very big at that. He pulls me into him again, so our lips connect once more. This time the kiss is more passionate, as if every single emotion is thrown into the one action and it's magical.

Then I realise my words were completely and utterly true. He will never lose me, and _I _will never lose _him._

Ever.

I break away and whisper, "Never let me go."

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_**A/N **Ok so please leave me a review even if it's only one word! I love, and appreciate, all reviews! :D_


	23. A Helping Hand

**A/N **_Fancy seeing you here? Sorry it's been so long in updating, but I went to Ireland for a week and I had no internet! Have you seen how my story poll is doing? It's a tie so if you've not yet voted...I'd appreciate the opinion! Anyway, thanks to you for reading my story! Here's the new chapter..._

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23. A Helping Hand

[Carmen's POV]

While Finn gets a bit more rest, under my instructions, I decide to check in on Annie. I slip out of Finn's room quietly, making sure not to make a sound when I shut the door behind me. It's hard leaving him there because he looks so sweet and innocent when he's sleeping like that. It's nice. I walk along the beige corridor to the door at the end. As I push it open, the hinges make a slight creaking noise which alerts her to my entrance.

She sits up as much as she can manage, with her wavy brown hair splayed across the pillow behind her. I take a seat next to her and we exchange warm smiles with one and other. Hers reminds me of the one she used to give me when we'd sit by the fire in winter, and she'd read Finn and I a story of his. Those were some of my favourite memories of being back here. There's still a large amounts of blankets coating her and the bed, but it seems that she's shoved a few of them onto the floor.

"I heard Finn's voice." She says in her silky distant voice. "You found him. You brought him home. Thank you."

"It's fine."

"Why are you wet?" Her perfectly green eyes bore into mine. It appears she noticed.

I force a little laugh. "Who doesn't like a morning swim?"

I think its best that she doesn't know about Finn else she'd probably just get upset and have an episode which wouldn't help her much in this state. Luckily, she dismisses the subject and points to her wardrobe behind me.

"Go find something to wear else you'll be ill like me."

"Are you sure? I mean…"

She cuts me off with a tired voice, "Positive. Take anything you want. I barely change out of pyjamas nowadays."

I make my way over to the wardrobe whilst she closes her eyes again and drifts off. When I open the door I find much more clothes than I pictured her having. It makes me feel a little uncomfortable going through someone's wardrobe and wearing their clothes. It seems inconsiderate but I really do want to get out of these sopping wet clothes.

After some digging, I find a red tank-top with some white writing on saying "Waterside Swim Academy" with "WSA" on underneath the writing. I presume the shirt must have been hers when she was younger and I find it fits me quite well. Then I find some white shorts that match well so I pull them on too. It's only when I'm leaving her room that I spot a picture, on the floor, of her when she's about seventeen, and she's wearing this same outfit.

She stands on the beach with her hair being blown about by the wind, but it still looks beautiful and her green eyes are shining far brighter than I've ever seen them. In her hands is a trophy and surrounding her is what I presume to be her teammates. A smile is perched nicely on her face and an arm is strung around her shoulders in a sort of hug. Then I see who the arm belongs to, and it takes all the air out of my lungs. The man towers over her a little and he looks down admiringly at her while his bronzy hair blows in the wind too. He wears no shirt so the sun dances off his tan skin, and he looks all too familiar. Never in my life have I seen a picture of Finnick Odair, but I know it's him, and he looks owe-so similar to my Finn. I finally know what people mean when they say they're replicas of each other. They are. And I think this is the only picture in the house of him, because Finn once told me that he'd never seen his dad either.

I lift the picture up carefully and set it on Annie's nightstand. With one last look at the picture, I exit the room and make my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

It is odd being in the Odair house and not having the two of them fussing over me, so in return, I decide I'll be the one to fuss them. I open the fridge to see what food they have in, as I remember Annie saying he'd not eaten, but come up empty. I suppose it's not surprising considering neither have really been out in the town lately. Grabbing a piece of paper from a nearby desk, I scribble a note down to say where I'm going, though I doubt either of them is going to get up. When I reach the front door, I realise I never brought any shoes with me, so I just slip some navy flip-flops on that I find by the door.

The walk to the square is hard considering how long it's been since I was last here. A few wrong paths are taken, but not many, and I still manage to find my way in the end. Stores surround the square almost like a ring around it, and the only significant gap between them is the beach.

After a short wander, and many cameras, I find a local bakery (that I know won't be as good as my dad's) and I head in.

The bell on the door rings as I enter, and a boy not much older than me turns around from what he's doing. He gives me a warm smile as I make my over to the counter and begin to eye up all the things I could buy. I feel his eyes on the back of my head as my eyes browse the contents of the store. Just as I'm about to order, I realise that I don't have any money with me.

"May I help you with anything? You look like you are about to order. Maybe I'm wrong. Am I? What do you fancy? Is it me? Haha, no I'm kidding! You know I make all these things all by myself. It's pretty cool. What do you like? Is it the streusel? I made some this morning. It's hazelnut and raspberry, it's very nice. Oh I forgot, welcome to Grant's Bakery!" He smiles sweetly again.

"Em…I just realised that I forgot my money…" I say, realising how stupid I must sound to him.

He laughs slightly, "it's okay. You seem nice. My dad always says how if someone's nice, then you should be nice back. My dad's wise, you know? Well you couldn't know! You don't know my dad! That'd be cool. I could introduce you but since we've just met that might be weird! How about I give you some things on-the-house?"

"Really?"

"Yeah…well you are a Mellark right? How could I deny someone like you trying my bread? I've heard all about the Mellarks, you know. We learn about the rebellion in school and they always talk about the big figures and they talk about the Hunger Games. That must be a bad dinner topic for you guys! I don't think anyone in my family ever went there. I suppose we're lucky! Dad says we are. He says be grateful. I am. He also says how great you are. My brother always talks about Rose Mellark. Is that you? Nah. She's younger. Oh right, your order! Sorry!"

Normally a comment about 'special treatment' and 'being a Mellark' would upset me causing me to refuse offers, but in this circumstance, I didn't have much of a choice so I just gave an award-winning smile while he packed up my things.

Just as he runs it through the till he speaks again, "Besides, you are absolutely gorgeous. And my brother likes Rose, what's he thinking? Actually I've never seen your sister. Is she nice? She's always in the papers and magazines, she is, but I've never really paid much attention. Your whole family is always in the papers. You are. All the time. Actually, you were in it today. You were wearing your pyjamas I think. I see you've changed. Well welcome to Four. Actually, what are you doing in Four?"

"Visiting friends."

"Ahh…I suppose I should have known. Is it the Odairs? They are a nice lot. I used to go to school with Finn, he was in my year, and we weren't exactly friends but we weren't_ not_ friends! He seemed nice. And wow the girls like him. But you two aren't together like that, or are you? He always told me you weren't. But then again he also told me I talked too much and I was annoying, and that was clearly a joke. Maybe he was joking, I don't think he was though. I remember this one time…"

"Listen I really better go."

"Oh okay! Bye…err what's your name? I mean I know you're a Mellark, who doesn't? I mean I just mentioned it and I know you're not Rose! And you're not the boy in the family either. But I can't remember what your name is. I should have asked. Oh, mine's Dune, Dune Grant. And my brother's called Gill, not that you need to know that, and my sister's called Pearl. Did I mention her? I don't think…"

I interrupt, "Carmen, my name's Carmen."

"Oh well nice to meet you Carmen. Say hello to Finn for me. How's he? I heard about his mum…And say hi to Rose from Gill, he's my brother, did I tell you that? I don't think I did. And say hi to that brother of yours from my sister Pearl. Did I mention her? I don't think I did. I saw a picture of your brother! He was on the paper with a girl called Ferm or something…"

"Fern."

"Yeah that was it! She was nice. Are they dating? My sister will be disappointed, haha, kidding, kidding. Pearl's my twin! Did I mention that? They looked nice together. Is she from your district? Is she nice? She seems it. I mean I only saw a picture but you can tell these things. I knew you'd be nice when I saw you. But I didn't imagine you'd be so quiet. You're very quiet. Are you shy?"

"Apparently. Listen I really better go!"

And before he can even begin another long rambling, I push open the door with my free hand, and I head out into the relieving quiet of the streets. Dune was nice but he was very annoying; I see what Finn meant when he told him that. I thought I would never get him to shut up. Why would I possibly need to know the names of all his family members? When will that be of use to me?

I collect all the other essentials for now, and then make my way back to the house. It's odd. When I pass the beach, it looks so different from how it did when I saved Finn. Back then it was this ominous, desolate landscape, but now it's an inviting, joyous playground. How one circumstance may change a place by such drastic measures is what I call magic!

The kitchen is empty as I expected it to be, and I start cooking up some pancakes for Finn, Annie (if she wants some) and myself. I hadn't realised how hungry I was until I got here. I had received the note in the middle of breakfast so I didn't even have time to consider the fact that I'd not had that meal.

Once they're ready, I lift all the plates carefully and leave the first in Annie's room. Then I make my way to Finn's with our pancakes. In case he is changing, I knock before I enter his room.

"Come in."

His eyes light up when he sees the food in my hands, but they light up more when I sit down on the bed next to him. I hand him his plate and begin my own. My mouth's almost watering because of my hunger.

"Did you make these?" I nod. "Well thanks. But where did you get the stuff for these? We don't have anything in."

I swallow my mouthful. "I went out. I also got some bread and some other stuff."

"But what about money?"

"Oh the guy said I could just have them. I guess that's the power of being a Mellark. Actually, he said he knew you…his name was Dune Grant."

"Oh yeah. That guy went to my school. He talks too much." I laugh in agreement. "Was his sister there? Pearl?"

"No but he mentioned her. He brought up the whole damn family!"

"Sounds like Dune. He's nice but annoying. It's ironic actually, because his sister is really shy!"

We laugh and eat our pancakes. I am surprised that Finn doesn't make a fuss about this considering he's not eaten for days. Everything's nice but when we finish, I can feel his eyes watching me.

"Are you still going to come to the Capitol?"

I'd forgotten about my promise to him but I did make it, so I have to honour it. The Capitol scares me but if Finn wants me to go there with him then I suppose I will.

"Of course. I did promise."

"Well it's just…you could stay here until I'm going…"

"Okay. But I should probably tell my parents. I know mum won't be thrilled about me going to the Capitol but she won't stop me either."

"Good. I'm glad you'll stay."

"Actually though, can we make a new promise?"

"Sure…"

"I go to the Capitol _if_ you…" I take a deep breath and look at him, "if you get help Finn."

"Help? Help for what?"

"Are you kidding me?! You just tried to kill yourself Finn!" I hiss at him.

"So there's something wrong with me, is there? I'm mental, am I? I'm not the one plagued by nightmares every night! I'm not the one who's scared to death of fire!"

"Yeah but Finn I'm dealing with those problems…"

"Dealing with them? So dealing with them is having to sleep in the same bed as someone else, is it? I didn't know that was the definition Carmen! Thank you for enlightening me!"

"Well it's better than killing myself because I'm sad! Yes Finn we get it, your dad is dead! You're not the only one in the world who's lost someone!"

"You don't know what it's like! You've never lost someone! Your life is perfect!"

"No your right. I've never lost someone but I could have, and that could have been you. And your mum could have lost someone else. She could have lost you too Finn. You're the most selfish person I know if you'd cause other people the same pain that distresses you!"

"You don't get it. You don't."

"I don't? I know that you described it like a safe. You said it had all your emotions inside. You said that when something bad happens, it opens that safe just a little more. You said that when it's open all the way that all the stuff escapes. You said it can be the smallest thing in the world that pushes you over the edge. You said that it's hard to shut again. You said all those things that didn't upset you at first come pouring out. You said it breaks you. You said it feels like the world shouting 'YOUR NOTHING' over and over again, like the words are tattooed to your brain. You said you don't even know when it's happening. You said you didn't get it. And you said I didn't get it, but I do. I understand."

And when I've stopped my rant at him, we just look at each other and that's the end of it. That's the end of the discussion, a one we won't have again, and with his eyes he's agreeing. We both know I'm right and we both know he's going to get help and we both know I'll be there. We both know he needs me. And we're both okay with that.

"We grew up too fast."

"I know. But that's what you have to do in Panem. Whether it's growing up enough to realise what the Hunger Games is, or growing up enough to feed your family, or growing up enough to be sad."

"Or growing up enough to admit you need help."

"Well then a lot of people in this world aren't grown up enough, and we're both included in that. A lot of people need to grow up enough to admit needing help."

"And some even have to grow up enough to give that help."

* * *

_**A/N **Wow that was a cheesy ending! Oh well...who doesn't like a little chessiness?!_

_I have some questions that I'd LOVE if you could answer me...it will help me update faster... :P_

**_1) _**_Who's your favourite character so far? (It can be anyone!)_

**_2) _**_Who would you like to see more of/actually see in the story? (Again anyone!)_

**_3) _**_Are there any pairings you like, or any pairings you suggest? (Anything!)_

_And if there's anything else you'd like to comment on, or anything else you want me to do in the story, I'm open to it!_

_ME4427_


	24. Sunny Days

_**A/N **This chapter is fluff filled so I hope you all enjoy. Also I've decided that this story will only have **two more chapters** :( but I am planning on a sequel :)_

_There is a bit of mention of going back to school (for Carmen) because I will be back at school tomorrow and I'm sad about it..._

_Enjoy.._

_ME4427_

* * *

24. Sunny Days

[Finn's POV]

Since Carmen's here in Four with me, we decide we might as well make the most of it. It's decided that we're spending the day you should when you're in Four, which basically means at the beach. We offer to take mum a long with us, as she seems to be getting a bit better, but she refuses the offer.

As we're packing the picnic for later, Carmen asks "so are you excited to go back to the Capitol?"

"Not really. But I'm sure it'll be better this time round."

"Oh and why's that?"

"Because I've got the most beautiful girl in the world going with me!" I reply, pulling her into my side for a hug. She laughs, pushes me away and continues making the sandwiches. Just as we're about to leave, I hear the post come through so I head to check it in case there's anything important. For once, there's only one letter and it's not even addressed to me.

"Carmen?"

"Yeah?" She calls from the other room, as she peers her head round the doorframe.

I hold up the white envelope so she can see it. "There's some mail for you. I assume it's from your family since no one else knows you're here."

She frowns with confusion before walking over to me and snatching the envelope from my hand to inspect it. After a brief examination, she concludes that the message is safe and opens it up. I watch her face as she reads the longish letter, and her emotions seem to vary quite a bit. Eventually, when she's done, she tosses the letter on the counter, grabs my hand and drags me towards the deck. Once we're there, I expect that she's going to explain the contents of the letter to me, but she remains silent as she descends the stairs and walks onto the beach which is predictably busy.

I lead her over to a more secluded spot on the beach, which is still quite busy. We lay down a blue and white checked blanket and sit down next to each other.

"So the letter…" I hint.

She lets out a very long sigh. "It was from Rose. She was asking how we were and stuff." She shrugs off the topic which sparks my curiosity.

"Stuff? What kind of stuff?"

She lets out an even longer sigh. "Something about how mum said she can't visit Therron this summer but maybe next time if I go with her, and believe me this is a big step for my mum. She really doesn't like Rose's friendship with Therron mainly because of his dad and so she usually completely dismisses the friendship."

"Anything else?"

This time, I'm sure her sigh must have completely deflated her lungs. "They're going to visit Aunt Johanna, her daughter and son this week."

"Since when does she have a son?"

"She had him a few years back. Do you not remember when she sent us some pictures of him?"

"Oh right. So is that it?" She avoids my eyes as I ask the question and doesn't even reply to it.

"Do you think there's something going on with Rye and Fern?"

I'm a little taken aback by her question. "What?"

"It's just that I saw a picture of them the other day when I was on the train and it was…I don't know…it was weird seeing them together. Do you think there might be though? Rose said in the letter that she thinks there is because apparently Fern is still staying at my house. Why on Earth would she do that if I'm not even there?! And the way she wore his shirt, and the way she smiles at him…I just…I don't know anymore. I don't know how I'd feel about it if there were something there."

"I don't know about some of that stuff, but I don't think that's why she'd be staying there."

"What do you mean?"

I run a hand through my hair nervously. "It's just…well…how often does she stay at your house?"

"Like all the time but this time it's different because I'm not even…"  
I cut her off. "No Carmen, think about it. Do you not think it's weird that she never goes home?"

"She does go home. She just likes spending time in our house because it's better than hers." She argues defensively.

"Ok, well when was the last time you went to her house?"

Her brow furrows as she thinks about. She answers slowly as if considering the words in her own head. "I don't think I ever have actually."

"And have you ever met her family? Does she talk about them much? What do you know about her family?"

"Actually, now that I think about it, I have no idea what her family's like. I don't even know where she lives! Why do you think she hides it?"

"I have no idea. Maybe it's nothing."

"Maybe." She agrees reluctantly.

We stay silent for a little while as we watch all the other people on the beach laughing and smiling with their families and friends. I stand up abruptly, much to Carmen's surprise, and I pull her up with me. The sand is hot from the piercing gaze of the sun in the sky, so it burns my bare feet a little as we walk across it towards the ocean. I see a few people's eyes dart to Carmen and I as we walk past them, most likely because of how well known we are and how she's not usually here.

"People are staring Finn." She says and I can hear the embarrassment in her voice at people's eyes being on her. It's actually as if she's trying to hide herself in my side.

"Probably just the shock of seeing me out, and you here."

"Or maybe they're gaping at your God-like, sculpted skin!" She laughs as she gestures to my bare chest. I laugh too.

"Or maybe they're gaping at the hot babe in a bikini!" I gesture to her maroon coloured attire that clings to her skin. Her cheeks turn the same colour at the thought.

The water is a nice contrast to the burning air, with its cool sharpness as it gnaws at my skin. We wade deeper and I try not to think about the last time I was in this same water. Its blue tones enchant my eyes as I think of Carmen's similar shaded eyes; both are stunningly beautiful.

We laugh and splash each other, and I treasure the blissful moments together. After a bit, we crawl out onto a rock to the side of the water. I pull her through more of them and I try to avoid the sharpest rocks as neither of us is wearing shoes. I find my little cave that I used to come to when I was little after my granddad told me about how my mum used to meet Finnick in here, when they weren't allowed to be together.

"Wow! This place is beautiful. How did you find it?" I just shrug in response.

I grab her hand and take her over to the little rock pool where I learnt to swim. Her eyes sparkle and light up as she stares at our reflections dancing in the water below us. I peck her cheek which makes her smile more. And then I get lost looking at her…

"What's this?" She mumbles which snaps me out of my day-dream a little. I watch as her hand sinks into the water and as it resurfaces in a tight fist as if she were holding something. Slowly, her hand unfolds to reveal a small rusty trident the size of her palm. In its centre lays something that can only be the most beautiful pearl I've ever seen. It lays flat on her palm and I gently raise my fingers to brush over the precious item. Recognition crosses my mind and my heart literally stops as I remember how familiar it is.

Carmen must notice my expression because she stares at me. "What Finn? Do you know what this is? Have you seen it before?"

"Yes." I croak out and take it from her hands to look at. "Do you not recognise this?"

She shakes her head a little. "No…should I?"

"Your dad, he paints pictures of people. Tell me, have you not seen this in one of them?"

"That's Annie's! It's in the painting of her in our living room! We should go give it back to her!"

"You think? It's just, what if it makes her sad?" I point out worriedly.

"Finn, it's her necklace. We should at least give her it and if she doesn't want it then she can get get rid of it herself. In fact, it might provide her with a bit of closure."

Together we run back to the house with the necklace tucked safely in my hand. When we reach the house, we run up the deck and inside. I'm about to shout for my mum, thinking she'd be in her room, when I see her making food in the kitchen. It makes my heart swell up just seeing her acting normal again. She smiles when she sees us.

"I thought you kids would have been out longer." She says in her airy voice.

"Yeah we came back early. I see you're feeling better."

"I am yes."

She gets herself a glass of water and sits down at the table. Carmen and I also sit, and I can see the excitement bursting off Carmen's face at the thought of the gift.

"Mum, today we found something when we…"

Carmen cuts me off, "We found your necklace! I saw it in a painting my dad did for the living room back home!"

My mum's face looks a little confused so I open my fist for her to see it. For a moment, I can't see her reaction as she just stares blankly at the object in my hand as if it's completely foreign to her.

"Where did you find this?"

"In the cave-thingy Finn took me too. It was in a rock pool or something on a little ledge."

And then she grabs the thing from my hand and pulls it into her heart. Her eyes well with tears but I can tell that they're happy tears, and she smiles so big that it must hurt. She whispers "thank you" over and over to us.

"Finnick gave me this and I lost it. I've been looking for it ever since."

She continues with another round of "thank you" and gives very tight hugs to the both of us, before finding a chain for it. She doesn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.

A while later, after hearing the whole story of how she lost the necklace, I find Carmen out on the deck watching the sun. She's still in that maroon bikini that we bought from town, but she's got one of my white business shirts on top of it. The way the sun shines on her, and the way her eyes pull me in, just makes me see how incredible she looks. She gives me a warm, inviting smile as I approach her and wrap my arms around her slender frame. I rest my head on her shoulder as I hug her from behind and we watch as the sun goes down.

"Do you remember when we little and everything was simple?"

"Do you remember when the world was about a mile wide in our eyes?"

"Do you remember when we'd sit in the forest or on the beach and do nothing?"

"Do you remember when we didn't even notice the cameras that stalk us?"

"Do you remember when it was easy?"

And we both sigh as we do remember and we wish that then was now. She turns around and wraps her arms around me while burying her face in my shoulder. We stay like that for hours before we decide to go inside because it's getting cold out.

We walk in and mum's already put the fire on for us. We sit down in front of it and curl up in a blanket. She rests her head on my lap and I stroke her hair as we watch the crackling of the fire.

"I'm still scared of fire." She whispers quietly.

"Really? Do you want me to turn it off?"

"No. I'm not scared when I'm with you."

"Good. We should probably get to bed soon if we want to catch the train to the Capitol."

"Yeah, we'll go in a bit. I'm actually kind of interested in going to the see the Capitol. You know what I'm not looking forward to? Going back to school. Everyone will be asking questions about us!"

"And how will you answer them?"

"Oh well I'll tell them I'm only dating you for your looks!" She says sarcastically with a quick wink.

"Well that's good! That's the only reason I'm dating you!" I reply with just as much sarcasm.

We laugh and I feel her start to drift off on my lap. She lets out a little yawn and closes her eyes. I'm about to lift her and take her up to bed when she whispers so quietly, but I hear it. In the midst of the light of the fire, she whispered "I love you Finn."

I decide that we'll stay here just a little longer as I shut my eyes briefly. Just before I drift into sleep myself, I whisper "I love you too."

* * *

_**A/N **Reviews will help me update so I do appreciate them very much. They just inspire me so much. And thanks to the guest review about characters because that really was helpful to think about. I will definitely include those in the sequel._

_If you've not yet, could you please vote on my poll? (it's on my profile)_

_I probably won't be able to write as often, due to school work, so I apologise..._

_Please review!_

_ME4427_


	25. Capitol Commonality

_**A/N **Hasn't it been a while? I'm sorry but I've been really busy with school work so I couldn't update. I'll try to update the final chapter when I can..._

* * *

25. Capitol Commonality

[Finn's POV]

The ride to the Capitol is long. Luckily, Carmen and I have one of the luxury cabins which are private so we don't have to encounter any annoying reporters. The bad news is, despite the luxurious items in the compartment, we are both very bored. We spend the majority of the ride sitting on the sofa watching rubbish on the TV. Carmen also wrote back to her sister but we can't send the letter until we reach the Capitol itself.

Carmen is sitting sideways with her back to my left-side, while she reads one of my mother's books that she received enthusiastic permission to borrow. The cover is worn but you can tell it has got pride-of-place in someone's heart and you can see the countless turns of each page and each passing emotion that this very book has felt limitless times. I watch as Carmen's eyes cling and dig their fingernails into each and every word with a pit deep analysis, and the reactions that strike her face from pity to heartache to happiness to worry. Not once have I read this book but I can already predict the plot just from watching her changing expressions.

The flash of light and colour that sparks from the TV is what brings me away from the mesmerising glow of her features in its light. Adverts blurt at me but none had captured my attention like she had. When they slowly come to an end, I find that the channel the TV has currently settled on is CEN (Capitol Entertainment Network) so I decide to watch whatever mind-numbingly boring show is on. Theme music drifts out and a title reading _'Areana and Finton'_ pops up and immediately I can tell that it's another tacky romantic thing. My suspicions are quickly confirmed when the show begins with a _"last time on 'Areena and Finton'"_ , so I change channels to anything else. I end up on CEN+1 (the repeat channel) to find _'Capitol Cakes' _on which I decide is a much more tolerable thing to watch. The show is briefly interrupted by an emergency news broadcast and it not only draws my attention but Carmen's too.

_A pale blonde, stout woman appeared on the screen while headlines flicked around beneath her. She straightens her papers, and though her tone shows complete seriousness, there appears to be a slight smile lurking beneath her features._

"_Late yesterday evening, the man who was recently brought in for questioning for connections with Ultionem Snow, Jack Nettle aged 43, is said to have admitted to the allegations made. However, his questioning by Officer J. Mallet didn't cease, and he was interrogated further until he released information on the group itself. Here's Joe Anderson with more of the story:"_

_It cuts from the woman to a man in the streets of the Capitol, who wears a far-too-white suit and pale blue tie which is a complete contrast to the dull street he stands on. His face too seems to have a slight smirk lurking there despite the rain soaking him to the bone._

"_Thanks there Silvia. According to the officers involved in the case, he gave up the information reasonably easily and he disclosed information from their plans to people and even went on to talk about where the group could be located. Officers were sent out to investigate the locations and to check that it wasn't simply a trap. Luckily, the officers found said locations, secured them and discovered that the man had indeed been speaking truthfully to Mallet. Some of the people arrested on the scene were in fact wanted by the police, mainly for connections with the organisation, but some for other crimes against Panem. Many arrests were made and many people are now facing very serious terrorist charges. However, we can report that all Panem is now safe from these people and that they will be put away for a very long time. It's believed that various victims, whom have survived the attacks, will be at the hearings. These could include various of our Victor's children such as Finnick Odair Junior and Carmen Mellark. Back to you Sylvia in the studio."_

_Again it cuts to the blonde woman in the studio who's smile is much more obvious than before as the news has seemingly pleased her for once. I suppose there aren't many days like that on the CEN news._

"_Well that's it for our emergency broadcast today folks. Tune in at 10 o'clock for our main news program here on CEN."_

Carmen and I silently look at one and other as the information we've just seen sinks into our skin. Slowly relieved smiles creep onto our features and we look just like the pair on the TV did. I still can't quite believe that they've just found all of the members of an organisation that's been around since I was born, in less than twenty-four hours. I mean, they've been looking for these people for years and suddenly they catch all of them at once? It seems far too good to be true.

"We're safe. We're actually safe." She whispers almost disbelievingly.

"I know. Just like that. They have them. No more bombs; no more fear."

And before I know it, she has her hands around my waist and her face buried in my shoulder and she's laughing, she's actually laughing, and the relief flowing through it is so melodic that it melts my very being. We stay like that just holding onto each other, as if the information will cease to exist if we leave each other's arms.

Eventually we drift from each other's embrace but our smiles are still plastered on. We spend the rest of the train ride with her reading her book and I pretending to watch shows like 'Capitol Cakes' while I really just peek at Carmen's face while she reads. God she's beautiful.

Once we pass District One, I know that we're near the Capitol so I get up and go to the window to watch the world rush past us. The countryside landscapes blur into a mesh of colours but it's so amazing to watch. Like they did when I was a child, my thoughts change to what the world outside of Panem is and whether there are people out there and whether they are just as bad as we used to be.

These thoughts die when I feel a familiar pair of soft hands delicately spread over the skin at my waist beneath my pure white shirt. I sense her body pressed up against mine. I turn to look into those intoxicatingly blue eyes and I feel my whole being fall to her will. How can one person have such an effect on me? I turn around and her eyes are still locked with mine almost as if they cannot break and are locked with some eternal spell between us. Her pale hands stills quiver on my tanned skin and the small distance between us becomes even smaller as I lean into her and step closer. Our chests breathe together so our air mingles with the closeness of our lips. I brush that always stray lock of hair back behind her ear and use it to gently float over the skin of her cheek. Still our eyes are locked. My fingers don't leave her face even when the hair is in place and I can feel the atmosphere between us thicken and swallow up every thought that doesn't concern Carmen. Those full red lips – the reddest I've ever seen – smirk up at me and grip my whole attention, drawing me in like a bee to the prettiest flower, and _she _is definitely the prettiest flower. If people were flowers then she'd be the one that I'd pick. She can't take the waiting any longer as her those perfectly red lips meet mine in fire and passion and every other emotion I've ever felt in my whole life, and every other emotion I've missed in my life; with her I am complete, I'm whole.

Her hands pull me closer; my hands pull her closer. We join. And all that stuff, that stuff that holds us back, it's gone, the stuff that's happened to us and hurt us and drowned us, gone.

We're so close that our hearts beat together, and our lungs breathe together, and our hands pull together, and our lips kiss together. The world is lost to me as my body becomes numb to everything that isn't her. Her smell surrounds me, engulfs me, swallows me up but it makes me feel right.

The feel of the skin beneath my shirt on her hands isn't enough for her anymore as she whips it off me but I barely notice as I'm so caught up in _her_. How can I possibly be so lucky? She doesn't even stop to take me in like all those other girls, because she is far _better_ than any of them will any be. She wants me for _me_ not for the _parts_ of me; she'd rather have me wholesome.

We pause those frantic, heated kisses for our breath. Hers is sharp, shaky but beautiful. I don't notice - or particular care for - my own. But my eyes never leave her lips. Everything is so quiet and peaceful that it's like the whole world has finally let us be. And I can't take the fact that we're not physically connected anymore, so I sweep her off the ground into my arms and those kisses return, but heavy, thicker and fuller than before. Even though our bodies are closer than should be humanly possible, I want her closer. I never want to her let her go. She told me to never let her go and I intend to keep my word.

And she pulls away and I actually almost cry at the loss. And then she does something unusual, something she's never done, something I could only dream of (and believe me I have). Her pale blue blouse is no longer covering her skin. It's blue was nothing in comparison to that of those blue orbs. Our eyes lock, green meets blue, but she seems so sure. And this is natural, God this feels so flawlessly right. So I let it happen, don't I?

We kiss again, and somehow it's better than before. And it's not like all those other girls; she's not like all those other girls because she is far better. And she makes me better, doesn't she?

Her fingers weed their way in my hair and mine encircle that body, and we fall on that couch that was moments ago so honest and pure.

I break away for one second even though it kills me, it really does. "Carmen," and I stare into those eyes. "What are we doing?"

And her answer is perfect. "For once, something right." Her answers breathy and it sends some weird feelings through me.

That answer is enough for me. We kiss and we kiss and we kiss.

The world seems anew through my eyes, so lovely and magical. My actions are automatic but they're slow and calm and gentle. Everything is colourful like I've been living in a black and white world all my life and then a rainbow paints across the blue canvas of sky. Everything's surreal to my eyes, iridescent lights streaming through my pupils.

And our smiles, they never fade.

I kiss her lips. I kiss her face. I kiss her neck. I kiss her arms. I kiss her hands. I kiss her stomach. I kiss every inch of her skin and it's like everything I've ever wanted in my life is right at the tip of my fingers. And she kisses me too, all of me.

And more clothes are shed, my tight jeans, her short, lacy black skirt and well everything underneath.

I was unsure at first. I didn't want to do something that she'd regret but I know that this is something we'll never regret because it is all just so right. Carmen and I, we are right.

* * *

I'm shaken awake by a scruffy haired Carmen. She smiles down on me and I know neither of our smiles have gone yet. She pulls me up and starts handing me various items of clothing frantically. I quickly shove each on but I must admit that I am a little disappointed that she is already dressed.

"We're arriving in the Capitol in less than five minutes and honestly, I think it'd hit the headlines if as we pulled in to the station, the two of us are stark naked. And then I think my mum and dad would hit you pretty hard."

I laugh lightly at her comment but I do feel slightly nervous at the thought too. It was completely and utterly true. As I pull on the last item of clothing – my shirt – I see us pull into the station and the familiar flash of the cameras outside the window. Normally, I'd give them at least one signature smile but I'm afraid that today they're reserved for Carmen.

She pulls on her long black suede coat and fastens up the large buttons. It's not that cold and when I give her a questioning look, she replies "you ripped some of the lace on my skirt."

I look at my feet sheepishly with a mumble of "sorry."

I grab all of our bags (after persuading Carmen that she should let me) and we quickly exit our cabin and find our way off of the heavenly train. The flashes are blinding as they catch me left, right and centre. Carmen at first seems taken aback by the attention she's getting but then I see a shine to her eyes and she starts to enjoy the attention. Big smiles are handed to each of the cameras and then to top it off, she grabs me roughly by the shirt and, amongst the large crowd whose attention we've drawn, she kisses me with everything she's got. I melt into it. It's over too soon but I know the cameras captured it all. She gives them a wink, leaving them stunned, and then walks away with me trailing like a lost puppy.

She has a skip to her step as we walk through the station and I can't help but smile at her happiness. We get into the car that I reserved for us and immediately she snuggles up to me making me wish we were alone so we could have a rerun of the events on the train.

She gazes happily out the window with a content sigh as we travel through the large city towards our five-star hotel. When we arrive, I pay the driver and I find her scoping the area with a gleeful look. More cameras greet us but she's more interested in the hotel than these pictures. We check in relatively quickly and make our way to the room. Her eyes light up more.

"Oh my God Finn!" She says coming out from her bathroom inspection, "How much did this place cost?!"

"Don't worry about it." I dismiss.

She pouts at my answers but pretends to accept it for now. She plonks herself on the white silk sheets of the bed that was meant for her, and she rubs the soft material with her thumb appreciatively. I stand opposite her watching how happy I've made her.

"So is this my bed then?"

"Yeah. I mean we normally share a bed but I thought it'd probably look better if I got a room with two beds, you know?"

She nods thoughtfully before biting her lip and looking up at me through those long black eyelashes of hers. "I don't think I'll be having nightmares tonight after…well…the train ride." She looks at her feet with that smile still on her face.

"Okay well I guess I'll sleep in the other room then."

"Oh no Finn," she says standing up and stepping towards me, "you are most _definitely_ going to be in my bed tonight." When she adds the wink I think my mouth goes slack and the words are stolen from my tongue.

The only thing that kicks my brain back into action is when the phone starts ringing in the main room. I immediately go to answer it while Carmen turns her attention to unpacking the clothes she was either given by my mum or bought back in District Four. I do, however, intend to spoil her rotten here in the Capitol because that is the Capitol way of life, and what better way to fit in?

The phone blares rudely at me. I pick it up but I do wonder who would possibly be ringing. Perhaps, I think, it's my mother checking that we got here safely or something. But no, I am very wrong.

"_Finn? How are you my dear?"_

"_Gaudy? Is that you?"_

Gaudy Gold is one of the wealthiest men in the whole of the Capitol and yet I find him far more tolerable than most of the people I encounter here. He is _very_ extravagant but he does it in an almost comical sense and he is a very fun man to be around.

"_God don't even recognise my beautiful voice, do you not? Shame on you Odair, shame on you. What are you like?" He chuckles lightly down the phone. "So first off, I've heard you've found yourself a lovely lady! Now why didn't you tell me?! I'm quite offended Odair, I expect better from you. Oh well, I suppose I'll forgive you! I love you far too much to be angry! Now the reason I called…well isn't it obvious? I only ever call for two reasons and this call wasn't made to boast darling but I may as well do it while I'm here! So that only leaves option number two…"_

He trails off waiting for me to finish his sentence. I know all too well what option two is.

"_You're throwing a party?"_

"_Why of course! That's all I do! But I needed an excuse for this one, something to celebrate. At first I thought to celebrate your return, but we can't have this party centred on you! No, parties centre on the host, so moi! So then I was watching the news, oh have you heard?"_

"_About Ultionem Snow?"_

"_Why of course! What else? So then I was like, 'let's celebrate safety by partying to an unsafe level'! It's genius, don't you agree?"_

Carmen walks into the kitchen and for a moment all I can do at stare at her. She gives me a quizzical look about who I'm talking too but I just shrug and reply. In honesty, I don't think his parties are her scene.

"_Yes very. Now I'd love to come but Carmen and I have only arrived and I was going to show her around…"_

"_But what better way to introduce her to the city than from the inside! And I want the girl there Odair, I've not met her. In fact, I've never met anyone from Twelve, it should be fun! Oh please bring her Odair!"_

"_Well it's up to her…"_

I look pleadingly at Carmen who's now made her way over to me with curiosity.

"_Give her the phone then boy!"_

I hand the phone to her and she looks a bit confused but takes it and listens to Gold explain. He must go on for a while for all she does is listen and laugh a little. Eventually, when he must have neared the end of his speech, she speaks.

"Well that sounds excellent! I'd love to attend Gaudy."

She hangs up the phone and gives me a small smile before sitting on the couch. My mind can't help drift back to the last one I sat on….

"What was that? Did you agree to go to the party?"

She looks up at me. "Are you upset? Did you not want to go?"

"No it's just, well it's up to you. I just thought you wouldn't want to."

"If I'm in the Capitol I might as well act like it!" She kicks her feet up and puts them on the coffee table in a rebellious manner, showing off her brown boots with material twisted so it looks like it's literally clinging to her skin. They were bought at a stall in four. I sit down next to her and wrap her up in my arms.

"This hotel room really is amazing you know."

We both simultaneously glance around the room at the three perfectly white walls and the one with a white base and gold pattern crawling up it. The large TV sits in front of us with various paintings scattered across the walls but none compare to the work in Carmen's house. The fancy furnishings that decorate the room seem like this is the only room they'll ever really belong in.

"I guess."

And we settle down with each other as our entertainment. Even though we're a pretty new couple it's like we've been together forever. It's like…

"FINN!" Carmen breaks my thoughts with her frantic shriek. I turn to her with worried eyes. "What am I going to wear to the party?!"

I laugh for about ten minutes until I finally manage to control myself enough. "You sound like Fern!"

"But seriously Finn! All my clothes are in Twelve!"

"Fine then. To the shops!"

* * *

The rain patters down on us as we finish up shopping. I insisted we went to the best stores I knew in the Capitol but obviously Carmen refused these ideas and went to probably the only bargain stores in the whole of the Capitol. I let her roll with it and I can't honestly tell you what it is that she actually bought. With the time being about four thirty and his party not even starting until ten, we stop to get a cup of coffee somewhere.

"So where does good coffee then, Mr Expert!" She teases.

The perfect place hits me like a ton of bricks, so I grab her hand and pull her through the crowd of people on the street as the rain continues to bear down on us. The braid in her hair flaps behind her as I drag her down the street. She laughs as she dodges various strangers who are giving us looks either because they think we're crazy or because they know us.

I stop abruptly and she slams into my back then stumbles back a little. She opens her mouth to ask where it is when I pull her sideways into a back alley and we run through the puddles across to another main road. I take a left, then another left and then we arrive at a quaint little place called 'Beau's Bistro'. I watch her reaction to the place carefully and when her face lights up I know I've chosen right. Carmen clearly thought that the Capitol was all big lights and big labels but if you look hard enough, then you'll find more. I came across this place accidentally when I was walking these streets with sorrow in my heart and Carmen in my thoughts.

When we enter, the rosy cheeked woman at the counter turns our way and gives us each a bright eyed smile that's so very genuine. We go up to the counter and order our drinks with a cake I recommend Carmen tries. The woman gets to work making the drinks when I catch sight of her name badge pinned to the cherry coloured apron. The tag reads 'Beau' so I assume that she must actually be the owner of the place.

"Aren't you Carmen Mellark and Finn Odair?" She asks politely.

"Yes. This is such a lovely place you have." Carmen replies sweetly, scraping some of the wet hair from her face.

"Thank you dear. I hope you enjoy your cake."

We find a table upstairs where we overlook the people scuttling in every direction below us. Carmen sips at her drink thoughtfully. Finally she voices her thoughts.

"Finn?" I look up acknowledging her. "You are glad I'm here, aren't you?"

"Of course! I've _very_ glad."

She gives me such a beautifully warm smile that it sets my insides alight.

After we arrived back, it had gotten quite late because we also stopped for food out. Carmen went to get dressed as soon as we got in. Once I was in my suit, I exited my room and awaited Carmen. It was past ten by now but I didn't want to be the first at the party anyway.

I hear the door open so I turn around and my mouth immediately goes dry. Carmen is wearing a plain simple white dress that ends just above the knees with thin straps, and a shape that clings to her like I want to. But atop this dress is a loose, floaty, red lace material that covers everything but the straps. The contrast between the two colours is eye-catching and I become completely infatuated with her. The colour reminds me of her red lips I kissed against the pale skin I touched. Her hair is pinned up with a few wispy strands left dangling, probably so I can put them behind her ears like usual, and her feet are encased in black heels that are transparent at the sides of her feet in a criss-cross manner. The best bit though, is that she's wearing the locket that I gave her.

I can't help but get up and kiss her passionately. She giggles as she pulls away from me, clearly satisfied with my response. We leave and head out into the cascade of darkness.

The Capitol looks even better during the night for the streets are quieter and the place is lit up so beautifully that you can't help but stare. Carmen really stared though as we came to Gaudy Gold's house, well more of a palace actually. We pass through the big iron gates that have been sprinkled with fairy lights, and into the walled off area to park. I open Carmen's door for her and take her hand as I lead her up the large front garden and towards the huge front door. It is two very large wooden doors like that of a castle, but they are open in a welcoming manner. When we step inside her eyes almost fall out of her head.

The music pounds in your ears, encircles you brain, squeezes your lungs and bounces your bones until you are dancing. It grows and grows as we walk down the long golden stone corridor and through the large archway at the end. The light of the moon bounces off the pool and fountain out back creating such a magical atmosphere. The people swirl around in a busy frenzy in the wildest of attire with feathered head bands, solid gold belts, people dressed _only _in sequins and glitter, shoulder pads and spikes that could poke your eyes out, leotards of the wildest patterns and so on.

The sound of circus animals can be heard faintly in the background as people literally bound with the rhythm whether it's in dancing or in every step they take. Colours blend and blur around us from hair styles, dyed skin, clothing and the very over-the-top make-up. Confetti rains down in a constant stream as lights flash around the floor tiles, bouncing colour everywhere. People are splashing in the water while half-naked dancers descend from the ceiling twirling in a ribbon. Drinks flow as the people stumble about in their already drunken state. An eight foot champagne bottle that drips out the open top is carried about by two men with zebra print skin and bright blue eye shadow. Puffs of smoke plague my skin and cling to my throat.

I turn to assess Carmen's reaction to this whole situation and I'm a little surprised by what her face shows. Carmen's eyes are wide and shining and her red lips are curled upwards in an award-winning smile. Suddenly, she grabs my hand and drags me towards her. She starts dancing and moving to the exact bobbing rhythm of the music searing my ears. We dance and dance until my feet ache and my head's sore.

I lean in to whisper so she can hear me, "do you want to have a look around the rest of the place?"

She nods in response so I take her hand and I lead her up the stairs onto the balcony where men and women are smoking all sorts of things. I walk quickly through them and into the patio doors. Once they're closed behind us, I find that the noise is insulated rather well. We are in Gold's study though I doubt he's ever actually been in here in his whole life.

When I asked him about it he told me, _"if you're rich enough to have something, why not have it?" _

_I turned to him and replied "but you never come here. Isn't it just a bit of a show to have such a thing?"_

"_Why of course! But boy life is a show in itself! Everything here is about status and boasting; that's all we know. Remember one thing and you'll go far in life: when money speaks the truth is silent. Whether you believe it or not, remember it. Someday it may do you a favour or two."_

"_I'd rather be honest and poor than rich and dishonest."_

"_Really? You aren't exactly poor right now are you?"_

"_Well no but I wasn't a liar to get my money."_

"_Is that what you think? Tell me, this girl that you've told me about, you love her." He didn't ask it; he stated it. "You love her and you lied to yourself about it. This lie lead you here to the Capitol where you became wealthy. You lied and now you have money."_

"_But I didn't lie for the money! It's different!"_

"_Of course it is. When money speaks the truth is silent."_

Just as Carmen and I start gazing at the various books it is home too, Gaudy walks through the door with a crooked smile on his face. Carmen and I both look to him. Gaudy is a very extravagant man with pitch black spiky hair that has pink tips to it. He is a very thin but tall man who has an odd liking for thick black eye-liner, a gold earring and his beloved gold suit with the black shirt beneath it.

"Why you must be Carmen!"

"That's me."

He staggers over, as he's clearly been drinking and wraps us both into a tight hug before pulling away and patting our heads like children.

"Now I do have some questions for you…" He slurs out waving to Carmen. "What's twelve like?"

"About the very opposite of this."

"And you're enjoy-"He hiccups before continuing, "enjoying it here, yes?"

"Very much."

"Good good. Now if you'll excuse me…" He says stretching out his words too much before stumbling out of the patio doors.

"Sorry about that."

"It's fine Finn. Now let's party!"

* * *

I wake up in the fountain completely drenched and not remembering much of the last few hours of the party. Wrapped up in my arms is the giant champagne bottle that I have an odd feeling I may have tried to drink only an hour ago. I flop out of the fountain still sopping wet as I go searching for Carmen. My head pounds with pain as I walk. The music still blasts out, the people still swarm and the confetti still rains.

After a lot of searching, I find her asleep on the huge dining table amongst a half-eaten ham. I lift her carefully off the table and into my arms as I am about to head towards a taxi to take us back to the hotel. Suddenly, she stirs and opens her eyes to meet mine. She giggles a little and struggles from my grasp. When she stands looking at me, even in her drunken state, she looks like an angel and I can't help but admire her ethereal presence before me as the lights hit her in all the right places. She stumbles around and giggles really loudly and I feel myself laughing too even though there's no reason to. She leans down and removes her shoes before grabbing my hand and running down the hall with me in tow. We run and run until we reach the grand flight of stairs which we run up. We go up and up until we reach the highest floor and Carmen climbs through one of the windows. I follow and we end up outside on the room looking down on everyone else. She sits down and sighs. I join her.

"I'm going to miss you Finn."

"I'm going to miss you too."

"You know, you probably won't believe me or anything but I don't care that I wasn't your first."

"Really?" I ask a bit disbelievingly.

"Really. I mean the whole thing about the first time is about it being special, and it was _so_ special so in a way it almost was." She explains matter-of-factly.

"You know you have a point. It's like, all those other times I didn't love them so it wasn't making love it was just nothing. But you, you I love. I guess you could say it was the first time I made love to someone."

I know we're only having this conversation because we're drunken idiots and that I probably won't remember this, but I guess that's what provokes my honesty.

"You know, Hunter tried to rape me." She blurts out suddenly and I just look at her in complete shock. "The night I came home crying with the ripped dress. It wasn't the first time. I really was stupid. Oh well. What's done is done. What are you going to do after all this Finn?"

"What do you mean?"

"After everything that's happened this summer, what are you going to do? I'm just going to be going back to school."

"I don't know. I guess I'll go home, maybe take the boat out, go down to the bar."

"What happened to that bar your granddad used to own? What was it? The Boathouse?"

"It's still there, rotting away."

"Maybe you could do something with that…?"

"Maybe."

"Your life is like clay. You can mould and shape it any way you want and sometimes it changes shape but you can usually get it how you want it or at least close."

"Who knew alcohol made you insightful?"

And she laughs. And I laugh. And we watch the people dance and party and drink. And I know we both wish that this summer could never end.

A lot has changed. But the biggest change? I don't know. I guess you could say we love each other know but we always did, deep down.

Together we watch the whole of Panem and for once I don't think about all the stuff outside of Panem; I think about all the stuff in it like my family and my friends. But mostly, I think of Carmen. And in that moment, we say our silent farewells.

* * *

**_A/N _**_Even if it's only a word or two, could you please leave me a nice lovely review down there?_

_Thanks to everyone who supports my work :D_


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